When You Find Out
When You Find Out

When You Find Out

Im Pregnant
Im Pregnant

Im Pregnant

married
 married

married

engaged
 engaged

engaged

ons
ons

ons

lovely
lovely

lovely

sexs
sexs

sexs

shes
shes

shes

earing
earing

earing

find
find

find

🔥 Popular | Latest

Ass, Chipotle, and Come Over: I'm about 67" so even when I'm just trying to be friendly (i.e. not farting on a stanger kid's head) and meeting a family The kid immediately looks up towards the laughter, but can't help but notice there is an ass now directly in his face. Now, member's or friend's kid for the first time, I've noticed they get very 'hide between their mother's legs intimidated on I'm trying not to laugh but also panicking as I just made eye contact with him. He furls his brow and I look over in the sight if I'm not sitting down. So it's not hard for me to silence/intimidate a child, especially when I'm trying to. mother's direction, still back towards us. I relish in the moment and the look on this child's confused and naive face. However, a few times Ive been called out. One time I was pretty drunk with a friend at a Target buying Risk (and no, we The initial blast was mighty and boisterous. I swear I saw his hair blowing in the wind (so to speak). If I wasn't wearing never finished playing the whole game). This little mexican 5-7 year old with a mohawk, was being an insufferable little jeans, I think it could have probably blown over an empty soda can. I would call it "a very fun fart" (A++ would buy again) shit in the action figure section. I heard him from like 5 aisles over and it was like nails on a chalkboard. I tell my friend, However, what immediately followed that out the chamber was truly horrifying. The fart's implication changed without I'm gonna fart on this kids head. Watch and learn." I saunter on over to the aisle in question and see the vile little prick calling his mom an "idiot" for not buying fucking G.I. JOE The Movie vehicle (which pissed me off even more considering how awful that movie was. GOOD TOYsı) "I already bought that one for you and you broke it by throwing it down the stairs" "SHUT UP. I NEED IT IT'S THE ONLY ONE I DON'T HAVE NOW. The mother was younger than me (I'm mid twenties) and gave a defeated look, I don't have enough money right now." "YOU ARE AN IDIOT," and continued to just berate and publicly shame this woman. notice and swiftly. It went from a joyous, dry airhorn squeal to a nefarious, hissing mephitis. I think the little moppet him a huge noticed the hateful metamorphosis before even I did because he wretched his neck violently trying to get away from the BUY SOME personified evil being fumigated into his soul. Because of his positioning (hovering over the toy, hands and knee), it was all in vain as the only way out was forward...and forward would mean certain death. I had positioned myself well on the higher ground, free to escape or relent at any time and him, poor and immobilized: biding his time until the cruel attack was over. Obviously, this child needed to re-read Sun Tzu. n the stairs" "SHUT UP. I NEED IT. In total, it lasted about 4 seconds but for that kid, it must have seemed like time was frozen. The long-term severe brain damage which he no doubt suffered, only added to that effect. At the time, I was on a strict Chipotle carnitas burrito diet. And while I was watching all this, my stomach gave me an initial warning gurgle (very courteous stomach) telling me I was about an hour away from punishing the toilet Serendipity! Destiny! When I finished with my bidness (i.e. forcing a little boy to huff my farts), there was a silent, pregnant pause. The kid was clearly shocked and stunned. No one had ever stood up to this dwarf sociopath in his whole life. I had taken the words out of his mouth and filled it with fart. I inch a bit closer to my prey, inspecting some wrestling toys and pondering the weird homoeroticness of the whole sport, in general. The kid shouts "FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU!" The mom rolls her eyes and turns her back to the kid to ignore him. And could you believe it, the kid gets on his hands and knees and starts taking the toy out of the box. It's go time, motherfucker I make my move first, picking up the toy I was "reaching for" off the low shelf, take a few steps forward and stare at it for a few seconds. On '2 alligator,' the only thing the kid could manage to do was burst into tears. My friend senses danger 'the jig is up and his head darts for cover. The mom turns around to see her kid with an open toy, crying on the floor and me minding my own business. I position my back towards him and at this point am like 2 feet away from him. His head is down, getting frustrated with those god damn twisty tie things, and I go for the kill. I bend down to reach for the one of the toys on the lower shelf. At She walks up to him and asks what's wrong but the kid can't speak. All he gets out is, "BAWAWAAAWAFARTBAWAWA" It this point, my ass is INCHES away from this kids head. took every fiber in my body not to laugh. I put the toy back on a middle shelf, turn around, give a final nonchalant looksy and then begin to take my exit. Now, generally speaking, the best way to go about this is to act casual, drop your belly bomb, then walk away after a few seconds like nothing is out of the ordinary. I usually go one aisle over and listen to the kid's reaction in delight. However, Sensing that his assailant was getting away scot-free, he somehow managed to compose himself for a moment. He today I couldn't help myself. I have my head tilted back looking at this kid out of the corner of my eye, to ensure accuracy I'm so close that from a distance it looks like I'm about to sit on him, My friend sees this happening and can no longer shouts, "HE FARTED ON ME!" 1 could feel him pointing at me but I continued to act like I was just browsing. I was ALMOST around the corner when the mom goes: "Excuse me...sir... SIRI contain himself. He's covering his mouth, but his hee-haw hyperventilating donkey chortle is fairly audible over the late 1 turn around nonplussed, "Uh...who? Me?" while pointing to myself 90's pop muzak playing on the loudspeakers. "Yes. Did YOU just FART on my son?" Weighing my options, I played dumb. "What? I mean, I did fart. On my son?" Well, I mean, technically speaking...I! mean...what is 'on'? Why did you fart on my son? At this point the little kid has the look of schadenfreude on his face, happy to see me in trouble. Fuck you, I'M A MANII WİLL FART ON YOU IF I PLEASE! l turn my attention to the little kid and stare at him, "Because the whole store could hear him being a little, rotten asshole to his mother so I thought Td come over here and treat him like one." The mom looks at me, her son and the scattered GI JOE/wrappers/box on the floor. The mom is puzzled as to what to do and says, Just.just go." That's my cue! I turn around, walk away with little extra step. I look up to see the black orb of security cameras and all the stories on reddit about unjustly having to register as a sex offender flash before my eyes. As soon as 1 turn the corner, I book it outside as fast as I can while dialing my friend. Like a true friend, he is right out front with the e ngine running and Risk in the trunk We laugh on the car ride back about the whole scene. With a slight hint of seriousness in his tone, my friend asks me: "Do you do that a lot?" Ahhh, not that much. Like once every 6 months or so." We both knew I was lying. We got to our other friends house, played risk until 4 in the morning while drinking scotch. Overall, 1 would say it was a preeeetay preeeeetay good day.
Pregnant, Work, and Squirrel: This squirrel at my work noming on peanuts. She's sweet as could be, and we think she's pregnant.

This squirrel at my work noming on peanuts. She's sweet as could be, and we think she's pregnant.

Church, Doctor, and Fucking: 5909 "I decided that never again would there be a pregnant woman in Auschwitz." patron-saint-of-smart-asses: everybody-look-right: washingtonstateconservative: ctrlgeek: webbgirl34: thebigsisteryouneveraskedfor: Gisella Perl was forced to work as a doctor in Auschwitz concentration camp during the holocaust. She was ordered to report ever pregnant women do the physician Dr. Josef Mengele, who would then use the women for cruel experiments (e.g. vivisections) before killing them. She saved hundreds of women by performing abortions on them before their pregnancy was discovered, without having access to basic medical supplies. She became known as the “Angel of Auschwitz”. After being rescued from Bergen-Belsen concentration camp she tried to commit suicide, but survived, recovered and kept working as a gynecologist, delivering more than 3000 babies. I want to nail this to the forehead of every anti-abortionist who uses the word “Holocaust” when talking about legal abortions. Yeah… she became a gynecologist and was extremely pro-life after she got out of the camps. In an interview with Nadine Brozan for the New York Times in 1982, Dr. Perl recalled her initial experiences with Dr. Mengele’s “cure” for pregnancy in Auschwitz. ”Dr. Mengele told me that it was my duty to report every pregnant woman to him,” Dr. Perl said. ”He said that they would go to another camp for better nutrition, even for milk. So women began to run directly to him, telling him, ‘I am pregnant.’ I learned that they were all taken to the research block to be used as guinea pigs, and then two lives would be thrown into the crematorium. I decided that never again would there be a pregnant woman in Auschwitz.” Let’s analyze the situation: mother and child alike were both going to be killed anyway if the pregnancy was discovered. Leaving wasn’t an option. Freedom was nonexistent, and the perspectives of all involved were colored by living in hell on earth.   After the war, she dedicated her life to Holocaust remembrance, infertility treatment, and delivering babies – not destroying them. The New York Times quotes her as saying, “No one will ever know what it meant to me to destroy those babies, but if I had not done it, both mother and child would have been cruelly murdered.” Perl never pretended they weren’t babies, that their lives didn’t matter, or that their deaths weren’t cruel. Holy crap. I literally got a ton of shit a few months ago for saying that maybe, just maybe, Perl’s actions don’t justify abortion as a whole. Well, it goes to show that I should’ve done more research, to find out  that Perl herself doesn’t pretend that was she did was right, or that it justifies abortion now. There was another woman, a midwife, who was devout Catholic and helped to care for pregnant women and hide the babies, and continued her work in midwifery after the war. Last I heard she was in the canonization process in the Catholic Church. Fucking THANK YOU I’m so tired of pro-choicers using her as a “gotcha”. She had to do a terrible thing in a terrible circumstance. That has literally no relation to first world abortion legislation today.
Arguing, Bless Up, and Dogs: My daughter was nervous around dogs, and then she met this guy. He let her love all over him for 20 minutes and then afterwards, her fear was gone. Thank you, sweet boy, for making her into the dog lover that she is! GIBBS NEW YORKERS ARE WILD FAM 😂. They will argue about anything. It’s both a sport and a hobby. In the rest of the country people burn calories by wearing a Fitbit and measuring steps. Nah. New Yorkers will just argue with u until they thin 😂. I love it. I’m not saying they ain’t wonderful people! To the contrary! They be nice as HELL to me! They just love to argue. FOR EXAMPLE. Me: “fam I love getting food off the Halal carts.” NY person: “oh word, son? Oh it’s like THAT my dude? Ayo...Could I ax u a question, son?” *ominous music plays (90s era Mobb Deep)* Me: “sure...(?)” NY person: “ayo son...could I ax u what halal cart u go to my dude?” Me: “ummm like around Greenwich and Murray...(?)” NY person: “son [pregnant pause] SON 😂. U can’t be serriyiss right now son. Is u wildin my dude? *whispering to friend in NY Yankees cap* son...is this dude wildin?” Friend (quietly): “I mean ... he wildin son.” (Everyone in NY got a yes-man with him who wear a yankee fitted real low and who don’t really argue, he just agree with what his friend say lol.) New York person: “ayo u mean...Like up by World Trade?” And I’m like: “I guess...(?)” NY person: “SON! HOW U AINT KNOW THESE THINGS SON? 😂 U gotta know which halal cart got that GOOD good and which one got that mid grade son! Ayo do me a favor son walk a extra couple blocks to Broadway u see a cart that say “HALAL CHICKEN GYROS” with “ONE DOLLAR SAMOSA”...UNDA DAT. U ask for Hakeem. Tell him Donnell sent u. Yeah. Donnell from one two fif. U gotta tell him the street because it’s two Donnells. Son he gon hook u up with the FIRE CHICKEN my dude. Quiet as it’s kept? Prime Minister of Pakistan eat at that cart my dude word is bond I seent him. He had mad security around him and I’m like oh he gotta be a digni-TERRY he ordered chicken biryani with salad son I said ayo get that red sauce too my son and he did my dude it was wild we ate togevva but I don’t tell that story often anyway I’m not sayin don’t eat at them carts u eat at son! I’m just sayin...I WOUL-INNT EAT THERE IF I WAS U. BUT U COULD DO WHAT U FEEL. BLESS UP.” 😂😂😍 [ALL CREDITS IN COMMENT BELOW.]

NEW YORKERS ARE WILD FAM 😂. They will argue about anything. It’s both a sport and a hobby. In the rest of the country people burn calories b...