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When You Lie On Your Resume
When You Lie On Your Resume

When You Lie On Your Resume

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You Lying

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you lie

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Ass, Fucking, and Google: unpicasso probably my favorite thing abt being a millennial is that i can lie on my resume abt shit like being proficient in excel bc i have the common sense to just google anything i dont know how to do which gives me a giant fucking edge over gen x in the job market bc somehow that strategy never occurs to employers and my underqualified ass looks like steve jobs every time i use a youtube tutorial to make a spreadsheet jadelyn Everyone in my office sings my praises for what I can do with excel for this exact reason, even though I joke with them that "I have no idea how to do that but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I'lI figure something out for you." I even once specifically said in response to my grandboss commenting on my excel skills, "You do realize that I just like.. .google stuff when you ask me to do something with excel that I don't know how to do, right?" But his praise didn't change at all. There was no "Wait, that's all it is? Instead, he said "Yes, but the fact that you think to do that and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you've learned and use it going forward is still so much more than any of the rest of us [the other 5 ppl on my team are all mid-40s and up] can do. To you, it's "just googling stuff, but it's still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don't shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay? And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don't undervalue your googling skills, kids. It's not lying if you know you can figure it out a millennial’s advantage

a millennial’s advantage

Anaconda, Instagram, and Memes: My students had to pick a Marvel character to embody within a resume and cover letter. The idea that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take lives within one particular student of mine. Address I am groot Email i am groot Phone number i am groof I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I om Groot, I am Groot. ㄧ迮in Groot, l (In Groot, l ㎜ Groot, l am Groot, ' am Groot, i am Groot, ' 0m Groot, 1 am Groot am Groot,1 am Groot, Iam Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, Iam Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, am Groot,Tam Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot l an Groot l am Groot, l am Groot,I am Groot, l am Groot 1 am Groot, i am Groot, i an Groot I am Groot,I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot : an Groot, 1 am Groot, l 0m Groot, i am Groot.เ 0m Groot, i am Groot, l am Groot, l am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1am Groot,1m Groot, 1om Groot, I am Groot : 0m Groot, l am Groot l am Groot, i am Groot, l 0m Groot l tm Groot, I ftm Groot, i am Groot am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, Iam Groot, Iam Groot, I am Groot, I om Groot, 1am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot i am Groot, l am Groot, 1 am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot, l am Groot, i am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I om Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot l am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot 1 am Groot, l am Groot, i ㎜ Groot, l am Groot, l am Groot. am Groot, l am Groot, i am Groot i am Groot, ' Ein Groot un Groot, ' am Groot, l am Groot,I am Groot, i an Groot, l dun Groot 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I om Groot, I am Groot. I om Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I om Groot, 1 am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot i ИП Groot, am Groot, i 0m Groot, ' nm Groot, l am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot, i am Groot : om Groot, l om Groot,丨0m Groot, 1 am Groot, l am Groot, i am Gloot, i am Groot, ' am Goot I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot I am Groot, I om Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot ' om Groot, i an Groot. ' am Groot, l 0m Groot, am Groot, am Groot, l am Groot ' am Groot I am Groot, 1om Groot, I am Groot, Jam Groot, Ii am Groot am Groot, Jam Groot, I am Groot Objective: I AM GROOT Experiences or skills: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT Activities: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT LAM GROOT List Your Education: I AM GROOT I AM GROOT List Any Awards You've Won and When You Won Them: I AM GROOT, I AM GROOT List Your Personal Interests: I AM GROOT 💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

Bad, Bitch, and Chihuahua: Highlights Always willing to make a rain Laughs at medioore jokers . I play s different instrument . Turned my recorder into a fully functional obacco po Very optimistic when hungover Friendship bracelets Can drive a stick shift I got bars Iget along with overy dog rve met and at a 73% oftro people rve moc. * Downsides Will be late nearly every day with iterally no excuse Will spook the customers with I have ADHD, but don't worry, I buy other peoples adderall Allergic to mushrooms (still willing to trip them) .I have been the cause of 13 car accidents (that I know ofy . Kind of bad at doing accents, usually just comes off as disrespecttuil Contributions Inventor Sauce Boss . A safe space and secure area for your sauces in the car. For a spill and worry free drive home . Part the Red Sea .The thick, untamed, poofy, distressed mane usually accompanied by a Mo Moses Tampons Coined the phrase "jean skirt hair mon in a floor length jean skirt Coined the term *Escobars When someone snorts a mix of cocaine and Xanax .Not recommended Education Bradford Elementary School Made it to round 1 of the 6th grade spelling bee Mullen High School 2008-2012 . Graduated 1st place in worst attendance in class of 2012 . Dia though Had an impact on the student handbook because I rode a donkey to schook of Northem Colorado 2012-201 Survived Greeley Majored in like 7 different things so I'm well rounded University of the Virgin Isiands 2015-2017 Majored in Political Science and English- Creative Whiting School blew away in Hurricane Irma School cut major Jobs I Didnt Quit In Less Than 3 Weeks Or Get Fired From Colorado Saddlery 2012-Present I make everyone feel good about themselves in the company because I ne ver know what's going on there They don't pay me anymore but I still show up from time to time . Laboniously diverse in that bitch . I programmed their Alexa to play the world's national anthems at noon ever y day - They pretty much can't fire me thered e Intenship in Haiti 2016 Partially fluent in Haitian Creole, which I speak in when dicey fools speak to me at the bar and I want them to leave 4ever Spent about a year total in Hait I had Zika, so don't worry, I won't be having children any time soono Harley Davidson-St. Thomas . I folded shits, talked to drunk people, then I sold said shits to said drunk p eople I'm very impressive at folding shirts Reason(s) I Dipped: I wanted to get off the islandl over Christmas I kept accidentally throwing piles of clothes onto the owner's chihuahua a d I felt really guilty about ito They said I quit better than any other employee they've had, that was co sort of Local Color Clothing Boutique More folding, but the clothes were more expensive) Some girl just dropped this resume off at my work

Some girl just dropped this resume off at my work