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Cats, Dogs, and Dumb: OMING Sth my foot's totally stuckinthesesight, I'm freaking out, the dog's having a seizure and I still got half a pie left vardaesque you don't understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn't eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher's house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it's a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn't find out about the crumbs until after I was paid and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie l'd recommend, but before l could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed "to go." Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn't stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I'd just shrug and say it was Josh's fault or something, but let's get reai nere, Mrs. Hayter wouia've Diamea me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So l jammed my foot in ere, hoping it'd make the toilet stop hing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it'd be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer's dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot's totally stuck in there right, I'm freaking out, the dog's having a seizure and I still got half a pie left. by aUn ,PTV for iFunny:) ifunny.mobi sell my first born to know how this story started

sell my first born to know how this story started

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Phone, Can, and Ring: Can I get Ned Umber Screeching as a ring tone for my phone?

Can I get Ned Umber Screeching as a ring tone for my phone?

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4chan, America, and Anime: 02/14/19(Thu)14:13:58 No.792615882 This is one of the many stories that I have as my time as infamous hacker, known as 4chan. me I'm the infamous hacker known as 4chan l was doing my daily hack on CNN 12 KB JPG suddenly I heard sounds of helicopters l get up out of my anime girl bean bag chairand go the helicopters are around my house I realize that I forgot to turn on incognito mode a few the feds are about to arrest me They must have tracked my ip address because I didn't use I ran back inside my house and grab my laptop I was hoping to use my hacker skills to deactivate the helicopters in fast not even 20 seconds go by and they already busted down bring up the terminal on my laptop to hopefully disable its too late when 2 of the feds walked up to me I thought they were going to put me in handcuffs and that would be game over for me they started to talk to me, the following is the conversation me and a fed had hello 4chan we have been attempting to track you down for several and we have finally found you believe it or not but were not here to arrest you we are in fact here to seek help from you Yes Mister 4chan You are the most skilled and advanced hacker the world well what do you need me for? 4chan a terrorist attack has happened in the United >The person that did the attack fleed the scene and we believe he has traveled to Isis we want you to track him down so we can kill himm what will I get out of it? you'll be totally wiped from our database and all hacker attacks you have committed over the years will be forgiven as long if you don't hack ever agairn alright deal to be continued 02/14/19(Thu)14:15:33 No.792615953 after I promised the feds that I would help them track down this terrorist they all left my house of course I would still hack again they are honestly idiots for believing me l could simply just deactivate the ip trackers that they have over at HQ anyways I started to get to work l decided to hack the name database of all Isis soldiers >l scanned the list of names for any terrorist like names sonly one name pops up the name is "Binladin boual" I decide to do a Google search of Binladin boual >a lot of news articles come up saying that hes the one that commited the terrorist attack in the United kingdom bingo this is my guy l try to ip track Binladin Boual but it seems like he has some type of very strong VPN I'm gonna have to get some help l get my iphone 5 and go to the app store l search up 'VPN cracker 2019" one app shows l download it l enter the Email address of Binladin Boual and it sure did up a few minutes passed by and a ring tone could be heard my phone l try to IP track him again this time it works salright I now have his up address l click on the button that says "report terrorists l type in the IP address of Binladin Boual and his other personal infomation l clicked report and it brought up 2 buttons Report infomation to American government Report infomation to Isis leaders sal at this point I was actually multi tasking l was hacking CNN at the same time because I was not paying attention to what button I clicked I accidentally clicked button number 2 avo To be continued 02/14/19(Thu)14:16:51 No.792616014 >l need to stop the infomation getting into enemy hands l come up with master plan idea I will hack the nuclear code website and launch a nuke at the Pacific ocean to hopefully stop the infomation wires in the water from giving the infomation l go to DonaldTrump.org/nuclearNukesLauncher >l easily hack the password to the codes on the website l type in the code and set the location to the Pacific ocean l press enter after I pressed enter I realize that I accidentally set the coordinates to. Australia oh well I guess the retards that believe Australia does not exist will be right now I type in the code of another nuclear nuke and send it to the l waited a few minutes and the infomation was stopped from getting into enemy hands >l go back and click button 1 to send it to the American a few days later some guys stop by my house and give me a shit load of money >l go back and sit on my anime girl bean bag chair and >Heh half of the world leaders are threatening to have war with america because they randomly nuked Australia and the >ahh another productive day in the life of me. 4chan r man
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