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Amber Rose, Apparently, and Batman: our tumllr usefnare IS now yov s Superhero name hat are your rukathetransformer: gaogaigar-the-king: sharky857: d-structive: isa-ghost: kikuthestrange: epicfangirl01: brynnicle: kisstheashes: anticoffeebeans: rottenka: gum-xx-drop: stray-puppet: illyriashade56: amber-rose-neko-san: shayhammowolf: ninja-girl2846: uwillbeefoundtonight: shadowamongfireworks: madly-handsome: steg-o-sore-us: bitchimnot-here: internet-explorer-official: slow-moving-mammal: internet-explorer-official: itssarcatsm: omgbrekkerkaz: girlnovels: albarnesauthor: lileyreyes: little-euro-girl: distance-does-not-matter: scholarlypidgeot: residinginpurgatory: extraordinary-arbiter-bluebird: saadoesthecatholic: lawfulgoodness: RIGHTEOUSNESS AND JUSTICE me. still being catholic. the superpower of setting conflict. aw yeah B) also, I happen to be a bird but that’s not really important I’m… dead. Apparently I’m smart. And I can fly. Distance doesn’t matter to me, so… teleporting? Flying? Idk Uhhh. Maybe I can shrink, like Ant-Man? Idk That’s my name… I have no powers. I am weak. I am the Author, Creater and Destroyer of Worlds!! I control the very fate of existence!!! 😈😏 Girl who can novel extensively and deeply about anything and everything apparently. um… being perfect i suppose??? you will bow before my sarcastic werecat powers Um… You have the same power as me, @internet-explorer-official! You’re slow! Buddies!! stepping on ppl I’m extremely good looking but only when i get angry Its either invisibility …..Or I use fireworks instead of smokebombs to get out of situations/make diversions/etc Let’s hope I’m always outside in a large parking lot when i need to use my powers then I’m good at finding things? But only at nighttime? Welp. This is quite obvious. LYCANTHROPY HELL YEAH b-being part cat?? I guess???  Considering part of my name comes from an eldritch god, I’m pretty well off. Very strong, time manipulation powers, I’m all set. Oh.. Yall get gum drops bitches Rotten??? I’m a zomboy??? Antisepticeye and Coffee? XD Uh…am I a phoenix? I would freeze people on contact. I would also be perpetually cold, which is already true. :P I would have the power of sonic scream and the ability to put people to sleep by my rapid, boring talk of fandoms. I’m so strange that I weird them out and they leave I can turn invisible and possess things ….You know, guys….I’m not sure I am a superhero. OM NOM NOM ALL THE MOFOS! 3 *muffled “Jaws” theme playing in the distance* My power is COURAGEAnd being a cyborg fused with a mecha lion fused with several machines to form the King of Braves. But also COURAGE. …I’m caught up in giant alien robot drama. Im a 2.7m high Super human clad in Futuristic juggernaut batman armor wearing a helmet with batwings. Heeeeelll yes maaa boi
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this I'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "noooo!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the qrave with some accidental anal sex soorajmakhi SIMONE I AM YELLING katielittlejohn Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn't make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all The. Wrong. Hole
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Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUSS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had beern smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck" so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. 4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later and I never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a short- cut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the drivers side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so l told him "you know that sounds super suspicious right" and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then l was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a wel and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me piñata' and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play bloody mary' in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into witlh the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of.. locked up forever and never go near 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360° spin with nobody touching it, so I said that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes inm awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no thanks" to everything else Source: teaboot 17,084 notes That One Time
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Apparently, Scream, and Target: WHIO-TV @whioty Do you know what to do if you're bitten by a tarantula hawk wasp? on.whio.com/2tjwp8x 7/3/17, 3:13 PM moonsofavalon: prokopetz: thesallowbeldam: momma-crow: 1petulantkitten: 1petulantkitten: artistil: weavemama: BY A WHAT THATS ALL THE BIG SCARIES IN ONE BUG TFFFJU Give it a dime, apparently. Had to go research this thing, and the answer to what to do if it stings you is scream. from Wikipedia- “One researcher described the pain as “…immediate, excruciating, unrelenting pain that simply shuts down one’s ability to do anything, except scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations. In terms of scale, the wasp’s sting is rated near the top of the Schmidt sting pain index, second only to that of the bullet ant, and is described by Schmidt as “blinding, fierce [and] shockingly electric”.“ Soooooo…dissociate to escape or? It’s laying eggs in you. Let’s back up a second and fully appreciate that description. The Schmidt sting pain index, a widely used classification system for the bites and stings of ants, bees and wasps, is literally the personal ranking system of a guy named Justin Schmidt, who goes around letting bugs sting him for science. Like, that’s this Thing as a scientist. In one entry, he describes the sting of the common bee as “almost pleasant, [like] a lover just bit your earlobe a little too hard.” In another, the sting of the yellowjacket is described as “hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.“ So when the Schmidt sting pain index characterises the sting of the tarantula hawk as “blinding, fierce [and] shockingly electric”, well, now you know what your standard for comparison is! this is fascinating but when do we kinkshame Justin Schmidt

moonsofavalon: prokopetz: thesallowbeldam: momma-crow: 1petulantkitten: 1petulantkitten: artistil: weavemama: BY A WHAT THATS ALL...

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Apparently, Beautiful, and Children: Seanan McGuire @seananmcguire Oh, wow. Little girl in full meltdown because when her mom packed movies for the trip, she only packed the little boy's favorites 6/13/17, 4:02 PM 460 RETWEETS 1,625 LIKES Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h Replying to @seananmcguire "FINDING NEMO is just as good," says Mom "DORY IS A GIRL LIKE ME AND YOU ONLY BROUGHT BOYS LIKE HIM," wails the girl I feel you, kiddo わ2 51 925 Mom is now asking girl to be reasonable, as apparently boy gets mad when he has to watch "girl" movies, and "You're more mature." わ35 42 620 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h I am so on this kid's side right now you have no idea 28 1,121 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h Little boy has joined conversation: "I like MOANA she likes MOANA we should do MOANA." A protest singalong has begun h1 56 931 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h Mom: "Don't disturb the other--" Both kids: "YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME." Mom--passengers. わ2 다 47 902 YOU SCREAM LIKE THE VENGEFUL MONSTERS YOU ARE, CHILDREN. YOU SCREAM ロ61 1,149 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h Update: l am now on the mom's shit list for helping with the lyrics to "Shiny." Both children now shriek-singing "SHIIIINYYYYYY." I wirn 24 54 Seanan McGuireネ@seananmcgure·1h Little girl now singing "How Far l'll Go" while little boy has launched into "Let It Go." Mom appears to need a drink. YOU EARNED THIS, MOM 12 46 1,047 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h Mom: You're disturbing people! Older woman with German accent: Do you want to know how the song goes in German? GERMAN GRANDMOTHER NOW TEACHING US DISNEY SONGS IN GERMAN. JAPANESE GRANDMOTHER INCHING CLOSER 15 136 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h MOM LOOKS TRAPPED, CHILDREN ARE DELIGHTED, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER 13 47 1,428 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h I am like, 95% sure both of these grandmothers would adopt these children if given half a chance 29 1,026 Seanan McGuire @seananmcguire·1h Japanese grandmother has a beautiful singing voice, and is teaching us "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" 10 52 Seanan McGuire@seananmcguire 1h We have attracted several more children and three more grandparents. I feel my work here is done linssweater: This thread omg
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Ass, Crying, and Dumbledore: a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay malfoycat neville: "messes up his potion gordon ramsay: "holds neville between two slices of bread what are you neville: an idiot sandwich no no no Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior Neville: "messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly GR: What's going on? Neville: "explains how he messed up* GR: Oh gosh okay.. we can fix this, don't cry, see, it's fine now? Just be more careful when you're adding the Newt's eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears. Neville: "giggles wetly, wiping eyes mira-of sassgard Yes, he only screams when he's dealing with people that claim to know what they're doing and clearly dont, when he's teaching he's very kind and patient because they're still learning He'd probably do the bread thing to Malfoy nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but he's still a kid It'd be the teachers fucking up that he'd have trouble with Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozarl Slughom: It was a stressfu- Ramsay: How long have you been teaching potions?! Ramsay: So you're going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme? Dumbledore: It's for the greater good, professor Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoor's face What are you? Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich? Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are. Okay, nowl can reblog it My favorite Gordon Ramsey moment is from the latest season of Master Chef Jr Gordon had run in to help a group of struggling kids with a team challenge and one of the older kids, a 12 year old boy, wasn't passing attention while taking a pan out of the oven and not only spilled all the food but scalded Gordon It's clear Gordon's leg is in pain. He's been badly bumed without warning. But he doesn't scream. He doesn't yell, not even in pain, and he doesn't go off on the child who is now frozen in fear. He calmly tells the child to set the pan down and to close the oven, safety first. Then tells him to go restart the food he was making, calm instructions My husband and I grew up in abusive homes where any mistake meant parents getting angry (my husband is terrified of spills or broken glasses because that meant beatings growing up, for me, anything going wrong, that could upset my mother, even if it wasn't my fault meant screaming and emotional abuse) I didn't know someone could be so calm. That someone could not get angry, and put aside what they're feeling (in this case a lot of physical pain) and not take it out on those around them, even when someone around them had messed up, because child that person is a Gordon Ramsey is a survivor of child abuse himself and as an adult, the most non-abusive person ever when it comes to kids. im going to cry can gordon ramsey be my parent this sound so beautifu ohmytheon Please take a moment to picture Gordon Ramsay taking over Potions when Snape becomes the DADA professor (instead of Slughorn) and not only being horrified when he realizes how terrified the students are that he'll verbally abuse them when they mess up in Potions class but when he overhears how Snape treats students. Like can you IMAGINE the level of RAGE and CONTEMPT that Ramsay would harbor towards Snape? The asshat wouldn't have made it to the end of HBP. Ramsay would've hexed his ass to kingdom come. xtaticpearl Chef Ramsay would have become the kids' favourite teacher and you can't take that away from me Imagine him dealing with Umbridge Hogwarts Potions Professor Gordon Ramsay
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Beautiful, Cats, and Family: lord-kitschener Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they're tragic famine victims who haven't eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now because you're 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me artaeum the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it instructionsfordancing not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion lord-kitschener This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs catsuggest wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?! goldenmeme My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn't seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time l went to double check that he did indeed have food, he'd book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as l walked away he'd follow me screaming again. Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we're a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I'm ever out for more than 12 hours I'll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he's been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it. teashoesandhair Things my cat has cried at: I wouldn't let her jump on top of the burning hot stove .I moved my coat so that she couldn't scale the kitchen chair and jump on people's shoulders when they walked past I didn't scratch her cheek firmly enough She ate her entire meal allowance for the day in one sitting at 9am and was famished by 10am I didn't let her sit behind me on the toilet seat I wouldn't let her eat toothpaste I wouldn't let her eat the cork from a wine bottle I wouldn't let her eat the straw that my rabbit had pissed on . . . Cats are inherently ridiculous creatures and this is why they are perfect. wishyroses Cats are like two year olds but sharp Source: lord-kitschener 122,537 notes Mine would bang on the mirror every morning for his breakfast. It was just leaning against the wall and pretty flimsy so it was LOUD
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Advice, Bitch, and Crazy: totallynotmisha:2002bape: YOOOO SO LOOK DA FIRST TIME I EVER GOT ON DIS RIDE I WAS WITH A WHITE FAMILY AND U KNOW WHITE FOLKS CRAZY SO DEY DONT FEAR ROLLER COASTERS OR DEATH IN GENERAL. AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES OF TELLIN DEM DAT I DIDNT WANNA GET ON I FINALLY SAID YES CUZ I AINT NEVER BEEN NO BITCH AND I DIDNT PLAN ON STARTING THAT DAY. WHEN DA ENGINEER SAID “PLS LEAN BACK AND KEEP THE BACK OF UR HEAD PRESSED AGAINST YOUR SEAT” AND I SAW EVERYBODY STICK DA BACK OF THEIR HEADS TO THE CHAIR I KNEW DAT I MADE DA WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE CUZ I EVEN SAW SOME BLACK FOLKS LISTEN AND U KNOW DAT WHEN BLACK PEOPLE LISTEN A WHITE LADY’S ADVICE , ITS DA REAL DEAL. SO MY FIRST MISTAKE WAS REFUSING TO PRESS MY HEAD AGAINST THE SEAT… THE RIDE TAKES OFF AND MY DOME SLAMS AGAINST THE CHAIR WHILE MY NECK SNAPPED… UNCONSCIOUS INSTANTLY.. WHEN I AWOKE FROM MY 3 SECOND SLUMBER WE HAD REACHED DA VERY TOP OF THE RIDE WHERE THE RIDE MAKES A QUICK PAUSE… WHEN THE RIDE MADE THAT PAUSE I OPENED MY EYES CAUSE I THOUGHT THE RIDE WAS OVER AND WE ALL MADE IT SAFELY. BOY WAS I WRONG… I OPENED MY EYES AND DA ONLY THING I SAW WAS A 300 FOOT DROP STRAIGHT TO DA GROUND SO I SAID “GOD YOU CANT LET ME DIE LIKE DIS”. I THINK I SUFFERED A HEART CONTUSION CUZ MY HEART JUST COMPLETELY STOPPED BEATING… AND THAN THE RIDE TAKES OFF AGAIN… WE MAKE THE 300 FOOT DROP AND I SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AS IM SCARED TO DEATH BECAUSE DA ONLY TIME A HUMAN SHOULD BE DAT HIGH IN DA AIR IS WHEN THEIR SPIRIT IS BEING SUCKED INTO HEAVEN BY DA GRACE OF GOD.. SO WE SAFELY MAKE IT TO DA END OF DA RIDE AND WHEN WE GET OFF I STUMBLE OUT OF THE SEAT CUZ MY LEGS WENT NUMB AND ALL THE AIR WAS SUCKED OUT OF MY BODY SO I COULDNT TALK EITHER.. DA FIRST THING THESE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS TELL ME IS “HEY MAN LETS DO THAT AGAIN THAT WAS WICKED”. I LOOKED AT DEM AND I REALIZED DAT DIS WHITE KID DAT I BEFRIENDED WAS ACTUALLY SATAN. I NO LONGER HAVE ANY WHITE FRIENDS. please read this whole thing.
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Love, Scream, and Struggle: THE BEST THINGS TO REMEMBER when writing a highly emotional scene Show, don't tell; it's the golden rule of writing. I get it, you hear it everywhere you turn, and by now (even if you don't totally get it), you've become desensitized to the mantra. It's actually a pretty hard thing to master. Believe or not, all writers struggle to show, but I hope this lesson will help you out! NO EMOTION WORDS USE ACTION No, your character isn't sad, happy, devastated, in pain, angry, nervous, scared, or worried. Don't use words like this that describe emotions They cut down on the hit of your scene, and they're harder for readers to connect to/get emotional over Instead of being angry, your character is screaming, has their fists tightly clenched, and is trembling. See what I did? I took the emotion, thought of how to show it, and used that instead. It adds a little oomph, and it's more sensory for your reader USE SETTING USE PERCEPTIONS I dig this one. Your character is sad? No, your character is suddenly seeing their lover not as their lover, but something they just lost in battle. Their perception of what that person is changed. Love turns to loss, smiling turns to tears. Nothing is the same after the emotional action hits Your character is happy? Yeah, no they're not. Your character is noticing the tiniest, most delicate things about their new car that are, in all honesty, kind of weird to notice on just a normal car. When you love something, you notice more. When it makes you sad, you try to close it out. See? GO OUT OF BOUNDS High emotion often means lovw ability to think things through. It's okay to make your character wander from their borders during highly emotional moments. Make themm kick, scream, kiss harder, throw stuff, break down sobbing, knock out some teeth. I promise, it's okay! You're not out of bounds! USE DIALOGUE Angry? You'll say things you really don't mean. Sad? You'll hide the truth. Happy? You'll confess. Use these human faults to vour advantage. Alter your character's dialogue, word choice, and ability to open up during highly emotional scenes to portray what they feel through their words! PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE! This is not easy to master. It seems simple, but it can be frustrating time consuming, and confusing. Take some time to sit and make lists. Scour your piece for emotion words, and replace them with other representations of that emotion. Get a little frustrated! It's okay to have to practice this, and if you do regularly and the right way, you will get better. It just takes time. Presented by: Olivia Paige at www.oliviapaigewrites.tumblr.com oliviapaigewrites:THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ONE! Don’t ignore this in your writing!

oliviapaigewrites:THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ONE! Don’t ignore this in your writing!

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