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image-descriptions: chauvinistsushi: moonside-tim: sparksd2145: Brian Kane hacked this into the funniest thing I have seen in a while. i have reblogged this before but have i mentioned that i love how it opens its mouth when it makes that tone that signifies that it’s ready for use? it’s small, but it’s there, and it amuses me every time THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN [Video of a Big Mouth Billy Bass toy.Off-screen speaker: Alexa. (Bass turns its head to the left, “looking” at the camera, and opens and shuts its mouth while making the Alexa startup sound) Off-screen speaker: What’s the weather? Bass: Currently in Cambridge, it’s 45 degrees with showers. Tonight, you can look for rainy weather, with a low of 43 degrees. (Bass abruptly turns its head so it’s facing forward again)] : image-descriptions: chauvinistsushi: moonside-tim: sparksd2145: Brian Kane hacked this into the funniest thing I have seen in a while. i have reblogged this before but have i mentioned that i love how it opens its mouth when it makes that tone that signifies that it’s ready for use? it’s small, but it’s there, and it amuses me every time THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN [Video of a Big Mouth Billy Bass toy.Off-screen speaker: Alexa. (Bass turns its head to the left, “looking” at the camera, and opens and shuts its mouth while making the Alexa startup sound) Off-screen speaker: What’s the weather? Bass: Currently in Cambridge, it’s 45 degrees with showers. Tonight, you can look for rainy weather, with a low of 43 degrees. (Bass abruptly turns its head so it’s facing forward again)]
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kradeiz: arrghigiveup: gale-of-the-nomads: notsomerryerry: chabbit: bulbasaur-propaganda: Growing up with your starters Artist:  esasi8794 / Twitter The captions are also really cute, although they mostly describe what’s in each photo: Bulbasaur: Somehow, nomming on my clothes… has become a weird habit of theirs. Venusaur: That hasn’t changed now that they’ve grown, but they’re very gentle. Charmander: It’s my first attempt, but I made a plushie so that he wouldn’t get lonely. Charizard: That plushie seems to be his favorite even now. Squirtle: Squirtle’s a bit timid and hides behind me at the smallest things. Blastoise: Looks like they’re scared of the first Pichu they’ve seen. You’re not really hiding! @noelle217 This is adorable They just posted some more! [source] And some more! : kradeiz: arrghigiveup: gale-of-the-nomads: notsomerryerry: chabbit: bulbasaur-propaganda: Growing up with your starters Artist:  esasi8794 / Twitter The captions are also really cute, although they mostly describe what’s in each photo: Bulbasaur: Somehow, nomming on my clothes… has become a weird habit of theirs. Venusaur: That hasn’t changed now that they’ve grown, but they’re very gentle. Charmander: It’s my first attempt, but I made a plushie so that he wouldn’t get lonely. Charizard: That plushie seems to be his favorite even now. Squirtle: Squirtle’s a bit timid and hides behind me at the smallest things. Blastoise: Looks like they’re scared of the first Pichu they’ve seen. You’re not really hiding! @noelle217 This is adorable They just posted some more! [source] And some more!

kradeiz: arrghigiveup: gale-of-the-nomads: notsomerryerry: chabbit: bulbasaur-propaganda: Growing up with your starters Artist:  es...

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mresundance: sourcedumal: hobbitdragon: crotchetybushtit: usually unpopular opinion puffin pisses me off but this is so important yes this ALL OF THIS Human decency is the ability to see others as, well, human. I don’t give a shit why or how people are on wellfare. I don’t give a shit if they are grifters (statistically they are not). I don’t give a shit if they are addicts or recovering addicts, if they are poor and working 3 jobs or poor and working no jobs, if they are disabled in some capacity, I just don’t give a flying fuck. I give a flying fuck if that person is cold, or hungry, though, because that person is still a fucking person, regardless of all circumstances. And I have this weird idea that people deserve dignity and respect and I dunno, being seen and treated as human beings.  Empathy and compassion. Social conservatives should try it sometime.  : mresundance: sourcedumal: hobbitdragon: crotchetybushtit: usually unpopular opinion puffin pisses me off but this is so important yes this ALL OF THIS Human decency is the ability to see others as, well, human. I don’t give a shit why or how people are on wellfare. I don’t give a shit if they are grifters (statistically they are not). I don’t give a shit if they are addicts or recovering addicts, if they are poor and working 3 jobs or poor and working no jobs, if they are disabled in some capacity, I just don’t give a flying fuck. I give a flying fuck if that person is cold, or hungry, though, because that person is still a fucking person, regardless of all circumstances. And I have this weird idea that people deserve dignity and respect and I dunno, being seen and treated as human beings.  Empathy and compassion. Social conservatives should try it sometime. 
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rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place. : rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

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genericdubstep: daughterofthestars08: bellaxiao: Self-defense? He’s 6 years old ffs…I can’t More infuriating info: The boy is autistic The boy and his father were in a truck The father stopped the vehicle and raised his arms to show he was unarmed ONE OF THE ARRESTED OFFICERS WAS ACTIVELY STALKING THE FATHER’S FIANCE They are trying to claim self defense AND claim they didn’t know there was a child in the truck They fired “no less than 18 rounds” into the truck The father was hit but still alive. The boy ended up being shot in the head multiple times. There is bodycam footage of the incident and every official/lawyer that has seen and spoken on it has called it horrific. 50% of all police violence victims are autistic or mentally ill. If an autistic person starts screaming or can’t look a cop in the eyes, they use that as an excuse to shoot. I hope Black Lives Matter starts talking about that, too. Police violence hurts the mentally ill a lot and of course that also means black autistic / mentally ill kids are getting hurt and killed. Ableism is deadly. : genericdubstep: daughterofthestars08: bellaxiao: Self-defense? He’s 6 years old ffs…I can’t More infuriating info: The boy is autistic The boy and his father were in a truck The father stopped the vehicle and raised his arms to show he was unarmed ONE OF THE ARRESTED OFFICERS WAS ACTIVELY STALKING THE FATHER’S FIANCE They are trying to claim self defense AND claim they didn’t know there was a child in the truck They fired “no less than 18 rounds” into the truck The father was hit but still alive. The boy ended up being shot in the head multiple times. There is bodycam footage of the incident and every official/lawyer that has seen and spoken on it has called it horrific. 50% of all police violence victims are autistic or mentally ill. If an autistic person starts screaming or can’t look a cop in the eyes, they use that as an excuse to shoot. I hope Black Lives Matter starts talking about that, too. Police violence hurts the mentally ill a lot and of course that also means black autistic / mentally ill kids are getting hurt and killed. Ableism is deadly.

genericdubstep: daughterofthestars08: bellaxiao: Self-defense? He’s 6 years old ffs…I can’t More infuriating info: The boy is autistic...

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legitimatelala: a-snarling-slytherin: satanstrousers: sweaterkittensahoy: leaper182: jenovaii: littlekiwi37-archive: nicole-coenen: Women Self Defense in 1947 I’m not sure what’s the best part of this video: the fact that she’s in heels, the fact that she does the whole thing looking like she don’t give a fuck, that chick in the back just exercising and enjoying the show, or the fact that both men and women are observing this and the girls are laughing and the guys look concerned/pensive as fuck as they watch all their tactics get shut down like nothing is even happening. … msties is it just me or is this familiar? Some of these are moves I haven’t seen before. Some of this looks similar to the self defense I learned in a course three or four years ago. It’s definitely got some judo in it (arm bars, throws, fighting to and from the ground). I love this lady. She is rad. I feel like she, much like the rad lady I had as my self defense teacher, would also warn the women that if they don’t think they can gouge out someone’s eyes, don’t start trying because you’ll attack better with something you can follow through on. crimelords I’m sorry I couldn’t not reblog this for you The cheerful music makes it even better Exactly the music sets it off : legitimatelala: a-snarling-slytherin: satanstrousers: sweaterkittensahoy: leaper182: jenovaii: littlekiwi37-archive: nicole-coenen: Women Self Defense in 1947 I’m not sure what’s the best part of this video: the fact that she’s in heels, the fact that she does the whole thing looking like she don’t give a fuck, that chick in the back just exercising and enjoying the show, or the fact that both men and women are observing this and the girls are laughing and the guys look concerned/pensive as fuck as they watch all their tactics get shut down like nothing is even happening. … msties is it just me or is this familiar? Some of these are moves I haven’t seen before. Some of this looks similar to the self defense I learned in a course three or four years ago. It’s definitely got some judo in it (arm bars, throws, fighting to and from the ground). I love this lady. She is rad. I feel like she, much like the rad lady I had as my self defense teacher, would also warn the women that if they don’t think they can gouge out someone’s eyes, don’t start trying because you’ll attack better with something you can follow through on. crimelords I’m sorry I couldn’t not reblog this for you The cheerful music makes it even better Exactly the music sets it off
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cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER : cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the g...

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gingersnapwolves: jenniferrpovey: curface: omgkalyppso: pennie-dreadful: lukenull: I made a difference in the world! REBLOG TO SAVE YOUR QUEER HEART FROM BREAKING I’ve seen a bunch of people in the notes concerned (like I was) of comparisons of members of the lgbt to dogs: but upon visiting their website I was reassured that they monitor a variety of content, including (but not limited to): THIS IS A GOOD SITE Yeah, this site is literally so people can check for content they don’t want to see…or in some cases content that would make them physically or mentally ill. (I have strobe issues myself…) It’s highly useful for a lot of people. I had no idea they warned for strobe effects, that’s awesome! They give me headaches and nausea. : gingersnapwolves: jenniferrpovey: curface: omgkalyppso: pennie-dreadful: lukenull: I made a difference in the world! REBLOG TO SAVE YOUR QUEER HEART FROM BREAKING I’ve seen a bunch of people in the notes concerned (like I was) of comparisons of members of the lgbt to dogs: but upon visiting their website I was reassured that they monitor a variety of content, including (but not limited to): THIS IS A GOOD SITE Yeah, this site is literally so people can check for content they don’t want to see…or in some cases content that would make them physically or mentally ill. (I have strobe issues myself…) It’s highly useful for a lot of people. I had no idea they warned for strobe effects, that’s awesome! They give me headaches and nausea.
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simonalkenmayer: zennistrad: ninjathrowingstork: uppityamy: my-little-ninja: the-feather-kisses: the-lincolnshire-poacher: fandomsdevouredmysoul: foreverwholocked: whodunits: cosbyykidd: therenaissanceratchet: obi-quiet: Car sex just got a helluva lot easier. or homelessness two kinds of people. you could put a dead body there and put a blanket on it and people would think they were just sleeping and it would be a great way to transport dead bodies inconspicuously.  * three kinds of people. HOW CAN YOU EVEN HAVE A GIF THAT’S THAT SPECIFIC? I agree, it is highly unnatural… You might even say it’s ….. “Supernatural” I haven’t seen a supernatural reaction pic exchange since the dark ages This post has the same energy as 2012 Tumblr, and while it brings back ancient, strange memories, it also feels reassuring that some things will never change. Good god, what year is it? April : simonalkenmayer: zennistrad: ninjathrowingstork: uppityamy: my-little-ninja: the-feather-kisses: the-lincolnshire-poacher: fandomsdevouredmysoul: foreverwholocked: whodunits: cosbyykidd: therenaissanceratchet: obi-quiet: Car sex just got a helluva lot easier. or homelessness two kinds of people. you could put a dead body there and put a blanket on it and people would think they were just sleeping and it would be a great way to transport dead bodies inconspicuously.  * three kinds of people. HOW CAN YOU EVEN HAVE A GIF THAT’S THAT SPECIFIC? I agree, it is highly unnatural… You might even say it’s ….. “Supernatural” I haven’t seen a supernatural reaction pic exchange since the dark ages This post has the same energy as 2012 Tumblr, and while it brings back ancient, strange memories, it also feels reassuring that some things will never change. Good god, what year is it? April

simonalkenmayer: zennistrad: ninjathrowingstork: uppityamy: my-little-ninja: the-feather-kisses: the-lincolnshire-poacher: fandomsd...

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readerjohn: peaceheather: thequeensphinx: roll–initiative: meme-xirl-wonder: luidilovins: asundergrowth: lovelyloseruniverse: asundergrowth: vocifersaurus: abrakafcukyou: bitterfucked: breastforce: how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad i didn’t wanna reblog this just cos it doesn’t deserve to get seen but: a) dwarves don’t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building d) goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies “but if they’re all gay how do they reproduce?” magic rituals motherfucker it’s a fantasy world f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of “i’m already an outcast, so anything goes”. i don’t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that “move, i’m gay” video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, they’ll show you the meaning of flaming bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your player’s handbook bury me with this post it’s perfect Goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food. Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. I like this Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? You can’t argue with the facts. “Oh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckers™” Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing The fuckers @godkingsanointed   @rapid-artwork: readerjohn: peaceheather: thequeensphinx: roll–initiative: meme-xirl-wonder: luidilovins: asundergrowth: lovelyloseruniverse: asundergrowth: vocifersaurus: abrakafcukyou: bitterfucked: breastforce: how to tell if your worldbuilding is Bad i didn’t wanna reblog this just cos it doesn’t deserve to get seen but: a) dwarves don’t share the gender binary that humans use, heterosexual versus homosexual is meaningless to them b) gnomes have such a predilection towards illusions that gender is primarily based on presentation. because of consistent interaction with humans, they tend towards visually hetero relationships just for sake of public ease but gnomes all know gender is an ilusion c) halflings are super community oriented. they would be incredibly accepting of homosexuality because frowning on someone for liking a particular gender is counter to community building d) goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food e) orcs are 100% butch lesbians and bears. they are totally gay with a small side of being attracted to muscles and soft hairy bellies “but if they’re all gay how do they reproduce?” magic rituals motherfucker it’s a fantasy world f) tieflings never have a predominant culture and tend to ascribe to human values, with a bit of “i’m already an outcast, so anything goes”. i don’t wanna say tieflings are super gay just because there is a lot of baggage that comes with the evil demon race being super gay but tieflings are super gay g) dragonborn carry a lot of draconic values, one of the most notable being vanity. if a dragonbron is gay, they will literally be the embodiment of that “move, i’m gay” video. taboo my ass just try to stop that dragonborn, they’ll show you the meaning of flaming bottom line here is really that if you thought the dnd races were straight you were so wrong. i am going to find you and rub my gay ass on your player’s handbook bury me with this post it’s perfect Goblins don’t believe in sexuality they believe in food. Consider: Orcs are like bats. 95% of them are homosexual because the few orcs that ARE straight produce children at insane rates. Because of this, adoption is considered the norm in Orc society. Orcs are unconcerned with lineage and do not take a family name, but rather a clan or tribe name. I like this Straight orcs never stop fucking and its a problem Are you saying that 95% of bats are gay? You can’t argue with the facts. “Oh yeah, those two are Gnarla and Lorg, they are the Fuckers™” Holy shit imma show this to my dm and he is just gonna die laughing The fuckers @godkingsanointed   @rapid-artwork
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