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Teacher, Who, and Photo: Dale Irby, a teacher with a great sense of humor who wore the same outfit for the yearbook photo 40 years in a row

Dale Irby, a teacher with a great sense of humor who wore the same outfit for the yearbook photo 40 years in a row

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Teacher, Who, and Photo: Dale Irby, a teacher with a great sense of humor who wore the same outfit for the yearbook photo 40 years in a row

Dale Irby, a teacher with a great sense of humor who wore the same outfit for the yearbook photo 40 years in a row

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Advice, Confused, and Disappointed: alexaloraetheris: Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity 1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already 1 2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me "Humans have wished to be gods so much they've forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this monotheism stuff." I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said Oh I believe in god alright. I just don't think the bastard deserves to be worshipped." 3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren't going to save you. Don't become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience 4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty: "I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don't expect l'd listen to their prayers." (Notice the choice of words) 5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I'm really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles 6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I'm actually curious what you're gonna find." 7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can't come back and I rolled my eyes and said 'obviously' but she continued When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That's why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter." 8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me "Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just... keep that in mind." Then she left and didn't speak to me for three days. I still don't know what she meant but even three years later I haven't forgotten it. 9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven't been paying attention?" 10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said Great. I'll wait for you to come back. Maybe you'll even remember me In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she's stuck with us because immortality is a bitclh P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve'. Maybe l should reconsider my atheist status?! What if God was one of us?
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Batman, God, and Huh: feynites Seeing John Mulaney do his 'Robot Test bit has given me a strong desire to see him play a live action Riddler. But not like, as any character other than John Mulaney? Like, let's make a John Mulaney version of Edward Nigma. Just this socially awkward disaster man who somehow becomes a supervillain because of a misunderstanding he couldn't correct without seeming rude. And now supposedly he's committed to killing Batman but he doesn't actually want to be the cause of a mans death so he just obfuscates things with 'clues' and 'riddles' and 'battles of wits' until Batman inevitably defeats him and he's just like 'oh thank god please don't hit me Batman's like 'you need help Nigma' and he's just like 'yeah that's fair, I should probably look into seeing somebody at this point, I became a supervillain because of social anxiety and that might just be a red flag you know?" arkhamkjay @mrsmosby-wannabe only-ten-percent-clever "Hey, Batman, think you've seen everything, huh? Well, figure out how to deal with this! You know Gotham General Hospital? Yeah? Well you'll never guess what I let loose in there!" feynites "Riddle me this, what has four hooves and presents a massive health and safety violation?" siraranispleased "l see you there, Batman. And I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing." Source: feynites 90'71 4 notes > ;tiis Im glad there exists a comedian who so perfectly fits tumblrs sense of humor

Im glad there exists a comedian who so perfectly fits tumblrs sense of humor

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Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: edbx After every flight, FedEx pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S") by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense if humour P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced. P Test flight OK, auto-land very rough S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft P Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit P Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order P Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground. P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for. P. IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode P Suspect crack in windshielod S: Suspect you're right P Number 3 engine missing S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious P. Target radar hums S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit P Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Mechanic with a good sense of humor

Mechanic with a good sense of humor

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