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Unlocked Reddit Ad Starter Pack: The Unlocked Reddit Ad Starterpack Has no upvotes (unless its porn or smth) Vote Every comment is a copypasta 65 "op sucks dick" Often has between 40-80 comments, sometimes even more Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but you PART I long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tra1 was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accele that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya." Comments are usually between 2 months to 7 days old NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerate sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60 Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The n relaxing or doing homework. body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break t "Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth. and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever. "No, pa," I would answer. "Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'." It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake. OP replies to a copypasta with something funny and gets upvoted would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in I would never hit that yeet. r/UnlockedRedditAds (Sometimes One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air. I breathed in. Every day as I scroll through reddit, I dream that I will find an ad that isn't locked. Today, my friends, is that day. I come to you all with an important message; a message that transcends time and space. I am a man of few comments, but I must take the opportunity now to open my fingers and pass this message onto you all. I am humbled to sit before you. The text will burn into your eyes. You may shed tears. I empathize with you all. My message, while brief, will hopefully fill you all with the knowledge I know you have the capability to retain. I want to thank you all Thank you all for taking the time to read the comments on this unlocked ad. Thank you for stopping for just a moment to hear my message. My message isn't difficult to comprehend, but I find it may prove most impossible to truly understand. By now I feel that the time has come to deliver my message. The message that I came here to tell. The message that I prayed I had an opportunity to deliver someday, though I must assert that I didn't believe it would be a day like this. My message, friends, is as such: fuck OP Someone asking a genuine question, has two upvotes because it's not a copypasta u/uwutranslator Nothing actually funny to be found Unlocked Reddit Ad Starter Pack
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Has anyone read the comments on the advertisments? They're fucking wierd.: 21% 10:33 PM X Share Vote 673 Award report? "Got to get down to the bus stop Got to catch my bus, I see my friends (my friends)" The motorcade departed late, due to delays. Along the way, citizens and friends of the President lined the streets in an enthusiastic display "Kicking in the front seat. Sitting in the back seat. Got to make my mind up. Which seat can I take?"JFK and the First Lady we're seated in the back of the car, with governor John Connally and his wife "kicking it" in the front. "It's Friday, Friday. Got to get down on Friday" Friday, November 22nd was the day that Lee Harvey Oswald murdered JFK. When he opened fire, the first shot missed. A warning from the secret service agent in the car to "get down!" wasn't heeded in time; the second shot struck J FK in the back before the final bullet hit his head. Additionally, in the music video, Black sits in the back of a convertible...in the same position that JFK took that day in his. Do you think it's a coincidence? Reply 807 8 more replies pants1000 5d Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The p0op accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever. longer alive. The poop accelerates. Reply t 559 19 more replies SkillerNu 3d Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good oΔΎ American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it-you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGS and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Add a comment Has anyone read the comments on the advertisments? They're fucking wierd.
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Found this on a community post: CloTheBrotato 22 hours ago Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting propels longer take on all the world records you've broken. longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The 200,000 feet. You are no remains. NASA can no poop accelerates. Forever Show less 87 Found this on a community post
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When you decide to read the comments on an ad and they all become irrelevent short stories: TShare Vote 132 Award pants1000 43m Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. cON2 Add a comment When you decide to read the comments on an ad and they all become irrelevent short stories
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What a wild ride that doesn't disappoint: lO B/S 92% 8:54 am r/confession Posted by u/ianestaban 17h I touched my anus as a kid, got shit on my finger & immediately threw up when I looked at it & blamed the puke on my dog. Discussion I was 7 years old living in DC at the time. Super curious all the time, loved learning new things & discovering them for myself. Always been pretty smart but for some reason could never wipe my ass properly. I'd always have streaks of Saudi Arabian mud in my fresh white "manties" and my mom would flip shit for having to literally "scrub the shit out of my drawers". One night I had a particularly itchy anus, not butt, anus. I'd always been able to differentiate between my ass from the actual hole, but this time the fact that I had an unusual itch kinda threw me off. I was wondering why my butthole itself had suddenly begun to itch, what's bothering my ass? So I did the thing that you did in school where youd slide you buttcheeks on the edge of the chair and move side to side to scratch the inner cheeks, Fucking ingenious. But this wasnt cutting it this time, My anus had a furious itch the likes I've never experienced before. So I thought to myself...T've never tried actually scratching it....like scratching my butthole". I had an epiphany; I knew what had to be done. I pulled my stained drawers down & exposed my young glutes to the elements, the itchy sensation was immense by this point. I took my sharp index finger, which I designated "the scratching nail" and went in full force for the scratch.....Only to be halted by a wall of what felt like Play-Doh. I poked further and felt like I'd just dipped my finger in guacamole.. Booty guacamole. I quickly pulled my finger back to be greeted with horror. A green-tipped finger that smelled like the septic tank of a place that cleans septic tanks, Completely rancid. The sight of the mushy booty- guac sitting atop my precious index finger sent all 3 of that day's meals across the room & onto my dresser at no less than 20mph. My anus never got scratched but I learned the power of fecal matter. We had carpet so I panicked & started scrambling for something wipe up the puke. I managed to get up the bulk but the carpet was wet & not only stained from the vomit but also the poo that was once on my finger. I then proceeded to grab our dog Cocoa and place her in my room to execute the perfect lie. Told my mom that the dog was sick, threw up in my room & is hiding under the bed. Bought it faster than on-sale charmin toilet paper at Walmart, I was safe. Cocoa got a shoe throw at her for "ruining the carpet" while I got the lesson to wipe my ass better after taking a dump otherwise when its time to scratch I'll have to risk having my hand smelling like booty & dingleberries. Share 54 15 Add a comment X What a wild ride that doesn't disappoint
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me_irl: 24_andrews Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accele- rates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD up- grades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever. me_irl
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Poop XD: + siveisnotbrad2 1 point β€’ 10 hours ago Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever. Reply Give Award Share Report Save Poop XD
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πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜±: 4 siveisnotbrad2 1 point Β· 10 hours ago Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever. Reply Give Award Share Report Save πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜±
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