Bitch, Children, and Fall: arianod:
I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK
when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟
every villain is lemons
And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.
And now: The Weather.
This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me
they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses?
@botanyshitposts do you know about this?
a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.
im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.
WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE!
The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh… it’s mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens.
All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this:
It’s big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process. YAMAOG also finds out that it’s REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhudda’s palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit.
YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year. In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch.
Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are
If you’ve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns.
If it’s only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you.
GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like it’s actually rotting, it’s safe to eat! weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual.
Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice!
College, Curving, and Definitely: COLLEGE
Bachelors Degree in Philosophy X 4 year paid apprenticeship
100K student debt
Can't find a Philosopher jot
Believes people without
0K student debt
Earns 80K annually
college degrees are stupid
electricity for non-payment
Another day of black coffee and perspective... (most won't read this, but thanks to those who did... it's why I do, what I do).
The meme definitely highlights a topic that seems legit...
Has the government watered down the entire scope of what higher education actually means?
Have they presented college in a manner that is setting people up to fail? Do they encourage people to "do whatever makes you happy", and screw what your life looks like afterward? Did they say;
You can be whatever you want to be? Well... truth be told; THEY LIED TO YOU!
It seems that LIE has brought about people who feel they are entitled to EQUAL QUALITY of happiness, regardless of how much work they have put in, or who actually planned for a better future outcome.
Higher education isn't about going to college and earning a degree... then getting the job you believe you SHOULD be entitled to. It's about educating yourself for the future. It is about creating a life plan, that allows for successes no matter what has been thrown your way.
If you haven't made a plan that allows for the "whatevers", then you have set yourself up for failure. Shit happens... and there are a plethora of WHATEVERS. From an unexpected kid (or four), to divorce and ultimately the support of those "whatevers".
If you haven't built a better plan than the next guy, one that allows for improvising, adapting and overcoming those hurdles, then you have cut yourself short and have nobody else to blame... but yourself.
The pursuit of happiness is exactly that... a pursuit. It is a life long pursuit that has to have realistic goals applied to it. If your plan is so rigid that you have no room for improvisation or adaptability... then how will you ever overcome and succeed?
This is where real self-reflection has to be applied, not everyone is a doctor or a lawyer. Life would suck if that were the case anyway. I know life throws us curves (from environmental issues to emotional ones), I have been thrown my share... but you still have to learn how to hit those curve balls, or you won't be successful.
Don't let life conquer you... the pursuit of happiness is the long journey called life... You can't figure it out overnight. You can't define it all at once. And you can't expect equal outcomes. There are other factors at play that must be applied to your game... some of those factors are skill and natural ability.
Remember there is no equality in genetics, that's why we have multi-million dollar athletes, but you can use experience and common sense to put a successful plan into motion when life isn't going the way you initially planned, and that is called "IMPROVISE, ADAPT AND OVERCOME".
The point is of this post is; PLAY YOUR GAME... the way you want to, but don't expect to get successes simply because you played the game. Every one else is playing too and they are planning to win. The question is; ARE YOU?
Make no mistake... there are WINNERS and there are LOSERS in the game of life, and the only participation trophy you are going to get, is enjoying the learning experience while striving to to find your own definition of happiness. You are not entitled to somebody else's, only what you plan for yours to be.
#blackcoffeeperspectives #patrioticselfreflections #definingwellregulation #responsiblepatriotism
A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen
so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule
that all of our door staff must have names that start
with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be-
friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called
Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan
now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso-
lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older
than me and has a fiance. you know when someone
is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're
simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan.
now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his
appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand
inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now,
add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
that's Doorman Dan.
since meeting him last year, I've discovered
.he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that
said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when
he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy
and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called
Junkie Jeff at 9AM
.he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months
while he was in the army, and was complet
unaware they had broken up until he wishe
happy Christmas and she responded with what the
.accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for
.he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay,
and instead of jumping in and fighting back he
decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand
in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out
and ran off
.he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a
month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has
resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed
inside any John Lewis shops
.he is convinced the love of his life is not his
fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked
who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII
know when I meet him.
.he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet
rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless
they follow him
his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even
proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be
when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he
didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on
the door and asked if they'd like a snack
.he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail
called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out
being the only person on the dance floor without a
drink when he's patrolling the bar
I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!!
I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of
I look forward to reading more about the loving,
polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with
Ned when they finally meet.
What's the instagram for the rabbits, op?
The adventures of doorman dan