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Thank You, Jobs, and Fun: The vet clinic writes: Since Mr. Gizmo was such a big fan of our sink we decided it was the perfect place to take his vitals! Thank you for making our jobs so fun and easy ❤️🐾

The vet clinic writes: Since Mr. Gizmo was such a big fan of our sink we decided it was the perfect place to take his vitals! Thank you for ...

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College, Hockey, and Monster: Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of horror movies and then asked it to write a horror movie of its own. Here is the first page . HORROR MOVIE EXT. HOUSE THAT WEARS HOCKEY MASK An OLD MAN cuts the grass by stabbing it with an axe. 4 TEENS arrive in a car that runs on sex. They exit car. It is Spring Break, time for teens to quzzle fluids and die off. TEEN 1 old man, you do not belong. We rent this house for week of young times. OLD MAN I am caretaker. I care. DO not stay in house. Kitchen is a monster Witch is basement. Beds are ghosts. Sink hates priests. TV is a book TEEN 2 Get buried. You are a waste of age! Teen 2 is the state jerk. His college major is vodka Law TEEN 3 Maybe we leave? This place gives the crepes. me TEEN 4 Stop acting chicken. Your virginity is making you a bird, as usual. The house door swings open. A little girl comes out orphanly TEEN 2 Your sobriety is not appreciated. Teen 2 throws a can of qin at the little qirl. The little girl turns into a TEXAS CHAINSAW, but is still orphan. TEXAS CHAINSAW Die, y'al1. Houston Dallas Teen 3 makes a scream. Teen 4 makes a Scream 2. The Texas Chainsaw cuts off Teen 2's body. His blood says hi to all TEEN 1 No! Teen 2 needs a body to drink Teen 3 calls 911 but a Frankenstein answers and is upset OLD MAN Run into the car. Go! I end this Teen 1 and Teen 3 run into house. Teen 4 runs into chainsaw. OLD MAN (CONT'D) That is not the car Your sobriety is not appreciated

Your sobriety is not appreciated

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Being Alone, Water, and Single: At least Now there are two of them! When you drop a single noodle in the sink while draining the water, so you throw a second noodle in so it’s not alone in the garbage disposal

When you drop a single noodle in the sink while draining the water, so you throw a second noodle in so it’s not alone in the garbage disposa...

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Waiting..., For, and Chester: Softsoup Chester chilling on the sink, waiting for me to be finished getting ready in the morning

Chester chilling on the sink, waiting for me to be finished getting ready in the morning

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Birthday, Crying, and Desperate: 07/17/19(Wed)00:31:09 No.53419204 Anonymous omegle Be me. .com Collegefag currently residing in a crappy dorm room somewhere in Europe. >Crappy dorm room has a sink and a toilet. You're now watching two strangers discuss your question! Question to discuss: Should we allow assisted- suicide? why do you need assistance are you retarded >Toilet has an unusual feature, it features an electrical motor that 62 KB JPG minces up the shit so it can be pumped into small pipes without clogging them. >stressed out like a motherfucker because I have a metric shit ton of exams conning up soon. >Basically try to spend every waking moment in the library studying for a shitty degree in a field that I learned to hate. >Come home yesterday at 10pm to find that the toilet won't flush out water. >Probably just a normal clogging >notdealingwiththisshittoday.dll >Make plans to buy a plunger and fix the issue tomorrow. >Wake up at 5:30 am because crappy dorm is located next to a highway. >dazed as fuck. >Make breakfast, do dishes and brush teeth. >open the toilet. >Literally overflowing with brown water, smelling like week old excrement. whyhasgodforsakenme.mov >Realize sink is connected to the shit grinder as well. >No one will be there to fix their faulty plumbing for 5 days. >My tired and stupid self decides to take matters into his own hands. >carry glasses of brown shit water to the communal bathroom to dump it there. >Some of the shitwater spills, making sure the floor will smell like it for quite a while. >I'm tired and desperate so no fucks given. >Manage to remove most of the water from the toilet. >Instead of waiting for the shitter to get fixed and using the communal bathroom in the meantime decide to followa satanic notion brought on by exhaustion, stress and autism. >Decide to fix the motherfucker myself. >Remember I own a toolbox I got for my birthday. >See I will have to unscrew the toilet itself to gain access to the shit grinder and remove whatever ancient evil has clogged it. >Start unfastening the screws that keep the toilet attached to the floor. >Don't realize that there is quite a large quantity of the foul liquid still inside. >to be continued... 07/17/19(Wed)00:34:21 No.53419258 Anonymous satanic ayyyy 07/17/19(Wed)00:45:17 No.53419415 Anonymous >>53419204 (OP) # Shitwater spills covers half of the floor. >I vomit but soak that shit up with tp, not that the room could smell much worse. >try to clean up but am only moderately successful. >My only pair of shoes is soaked >After banging my head at the wall, crying and asking God why he hates me and begging him to just kill me for about half an hour, covering in the corner not affected by the spillage I regain some semblance of composure. >l will finish what I started. >l cut the power to the shit grinder, take a deep breath and pull the toilet aside revealing the horrors that lie within. >l didn't know the smell could get any worse but was proven wrong. >I don't own any gloves. reach my bare hand into the foul contraption. > will never forget the texture of the contents. Find a small piece of plastic blocking the blades of the shit grinder. >Remove the little motherfuckers. >Put everything back together as best I can. >My stuff smells like shit. >My room smells like shit. >I smell like shit. >fml How was your morning, robots? Anon becomes a plumber.
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Basketball, Chick-Fil-A, and Doctor: you are being forced to spend the next 10 years in a basement. after those 10 years you will recieve $10 mil. your basement comes fully furnished with a good bed, a sink, a toilet, a shower and a trash chute. you are also being given 30 points to spend on items/amenities that you can take with you to the basement. BONUS BONUS if you half your $10 mil payout to $5 mil you will receieve 35 points to spend. if you reduce your payout to $0 you will recieve 40 points unlimited fast food with the full kitchen, unlimited amounts exception of Chick-fil-A (add CFA for +1 point) 4 points functioning microwave with microwavable meals only points 52 TV with all cable channels a skylight which will provide and premium packages 7 points gourmet food from the world's finest chef's flown to you daily of the finest ingredients and an iPad that is programed with every 9 points recipe on the planet (iPad can only be used to look up recipes) 6 points sunlight into your basement 2 points grand theft autoV http://www top of the line desktop computer new components will be delivered been released and new releases to you as technology progresses 6 points add all video games that have Internet surround sound system with all recorded music stunningly attractive 18 year old all movies and tv shows she will have sex with you. 16 points points over time you cannot download or stream anything, cant etrade, 4 points 18 points 4 points medical care from the medical school of new delhi. upgrade to mayo cli 2 points workout room with weighs library and study with every book everpublished 4 points a cell phone that can only be activated one day of the week points hygiene products and a jacuzzi bathtub 3 points Barry Bonds 7 points treadmill, basketball court doctor for +1 and batting cage. points full model train set complete warehouse sized room to build drawing table and supplies unlimited drugs 5 points unlimited booze unlimited tobacco products 4 points workshop with industrial tools, pool table point 5 points it 6 points 2 points HD camera you get your money up front, and now you have garden with greenhouse 2 points a gun with 3 bullets 1 point satellite radio a kitten or puppy points 2 points 6 points access to the stock market 7 points This is a great way to waste a few minutes

This is a great way to waste a few minutes

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