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Ass, Fucking, and Head: TO ALL EMPLOYEES It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated. The management does, however, realise the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the management has compiled the following code phrases so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue. OLD PHRASE NEW PHRASE I'm not certain that's feasible. No fucking way You've got to be shitting me. Tell someone who gives a fuck Ask me if I give a fuck. Really Perhaps you should check with <name>, . Of course I'm concerned. I wasn't involved in that project. . I'm not sure I can implement this. Are you sure it's a problem? Interesting behaviour. Fuck it, it won't work... When the fuck do you expect me to do this. He's got his head up his ass........ Why the fuck didn't you tell me that sooner..I'Il try to schedule that. ..Perhaps I can work late. He's not familiar with the problem. ..You don't say. Eat shit and die, motherfucker.... What the fuck do they want from my life?. Excuse me, <sir or ma'am>? They weren't happy with it? Kiss my ass.. Fuck it, I'm on salary.. So you'd like my help with that? andrea-booksdreams: loquacious-lucy: nkoatsumeme: alien-fricker: tag yourself i’m ask me if i give a fuck It’s not my fucking problem im what the fuck do they want from my life Kiss my ass Fuck it, it wont work
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Being Alone, Anaconda, and Beautiful: now you kno! Crows are quite similar to humans isit their aging parents many y after they have left the nest. and v ears nowyoukno.com river-cottage-dweller: solitarelee: 221cbakerstreet: spookyrawr: rassoey: avianawareness: aph-romania: reallymisscoffee: dansknapp: stultiloquentia: doctormemelordmd: fangirling-so-hard-rn: Crows are scaryThey use tools Can be taught to speak (like parrots) Have huge brains for birds like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things they are scary smart at solving puzzles some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies they can remember faces SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT.  They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows.  Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag.  But the nice guys with masks they left alone.  THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight.  THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES. They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns. Guys I’m really scared of crows now.(q)  Yeah but have you seen this  A colleague of my dad’s lives next to a lake, and looked out the window one morning to see a duck trapped in the ice. A crow swooped down. “Oh hell,” she thought, expecting carnage, because crows are opportunists. But the crow chipped at the ice with its beak until the duck was free. Idk of this counts but a few crows saved me from a magpie swooping attack once ,they’re bros who can tell when magpies are being unreasonable and need to chill I love crows so damn much. When I was fifteen, I hit a pretty serious bout of depression, to the point I was in my room for months. Well, a family of crows made a nest in a tree outside my window. There were two parents and two chicks. One chick was healthy and strong. One was weak, and had a caw like something being strained. It sounded more like a rooster crowing and so my parents jokingly named him ‘Buck’.Well… months passed and Buck’s sibling was taught to fly. His parents focused on the sibling because the sibling was strong. The father stayed behind to try and teach Buck, but I saw him try to fly, fail, and crash to the floor. His father helped him back up into the tree. Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before. That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him.  Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree.  That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick. Cut to ten years later? We have a family of crows who all have a very distinct caw and they come here and spend every spring, summer, and fall on our property. Buck still greets me every spring. that last reply made me wanna cry. that’s so beautiful. Don’t forget the Russian Crow SLEDDING DOWN A ROOF not once, but twice.  this one morning i kept hearing really loud caws, i remember it was like 5am, LIKE REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING AND AGGRESSIVE, so loud that i could hear it through a closed window, and i eventually went outside to check it out. there was a crow on my front lawn, it had an injury on its head and couldn’t fly and there were two other crows circling right above it, and they were cawing like mad.  i tried to get close and take a better look and one of them dived super low and tried to attack me. so i went back in the house and chopped some sliced raw meat and tossed it at him from a distance. a few more times later, very soon after, they could tell i was trying to help, and did not attack me. i was “allowed” to walk up close and pick him up, he couldn’t drink water properly so i had to dip my finger in a bowl and stick it in his mouth. i did this few times a day and it went on for about a week before he disappeared, i thought he recovered and left, but he came back the next day and lands on me, and i see him around the block quite often, and he would come sit on my shoulder for a few minutes and then fly away again. i feel like i’ve adopted a son. Best birbs !! your son is Beautiful and Strong every time I see this post it has different crow stories and every time I reblog it again because all crow stories are good stories Such little cutie pies 😍 not to be cliché but crows are 100% my favorite birbs
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Black, Flight, and Forever: can A 50- something year old white woman arrived at her seat on a crowded fight and immediately didn't want the seat The seat was next to a black man. Disgusted, the woman immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this black man" The fight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat. After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "Ma am, there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to such a disgusting, unpleasant person, the captain has agreed to allow the switch to first class." Before the woman could say anything. the attendant turned to the black man and said. "Therefore sir, if you would please retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of first class, as the captain would hate for you to have to sit next to such a disgusting person." Passengers in the seats nearby began to applause while some gave a standing ovation Forever reblog It's disgusting how older people who're generalized as wise" say such stuff. I think honestly think this stereotype is a load of bull Its worth reading
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