Geniusism
Geniusism

Geniusism

Kind
Kind

Kind

Smalls
Smalls

Smalls

Take
Take

Take

Plans
Plans

Plans

Stop The
Stop The

Stop The

The
The

The

Donald Trumps
Donald Trumps

Donald Trumps

You Sure
You Sure

You Sure

Fucked
Fucked

Fucked

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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Big Dick, Bitch, and Fire: TBT PFC Moses Cardenes | It was summer in Rawah Iraq, 2007 NSW and The Highlanders had teamed up to lay hate and discontent through their battle-space w- a small Marine DET next door who stayed getting fucked up at Blue Hackle compound on Camp Kassem. CallsignFatal Highlanders TrojanHorse HunterKiller TFHighlander A young, skinny PFC with BCGs on his face and fire in his heart named Moses Cardenas was a Scout on his first combat deployment. On Aug 2, 07, his platoon set up a snap VCP. (2) bongos eerily halted in the distance refusing to advance. Suddenly(5) muj fucks started laying HEAVY hate on the plt w- PKMs and RPGs immediately wounding Rodie trying to bound for cover. Unable to engage from his position, Cardenas slung his dick over his shoulder, clutched his SAW for dear-fucking-life, and sprinted into the danger zone. While pulling a marine that was easily TWICE his fucking bodyweight w-o gear and ammo, he took a round to the neck that instantly dropped him. Having not one bitchmade bone in his body, he got back up, chicken winged his SAW and laid hate on the trucks while simultaneously walking backwards and buddy dragging Rodie. He then got shot AGAIN and dropped to the ground. But Cardenas having no quit in his heart got back up and dragged Rodie to safety. As soon as he was clear of the LAVs line of fire, big dick Texan Drew Perry opened up on bongo trucks w- 25mm and turned those motherfuckers into scrambled eggs. Unfortunately the platoon lost Lcpl Christian Vasquez but be damned if he didn’t fight bravely that day. Moses Cardenas was given the Silver Star for his actions MOSES CARDENAS SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED A MEDAL OF HONOR FOR WHAT HE DID ON THIS DAY. But due to the officer elitist nature of the United States Marine Corps, Cardenas received no such recognition and had he been you can be sure some coffee-sipping, clean-cammie-having, paper-bitch of an officer would have done their best to hinder the process. Fortunately for the Marine Corps, he’s still leading Marines to this day and has somehow found sets of trousers that fit his massive fucking balls. All the respect in the world for this Marine, Highlander forever. OAF TBT OAFNation
Reddit, Tumblr, and Blog: historicaltimes: 106-year-old Armenian Woman guards home, 1990 via reddit

historicaltimes: 106-year-old Armenian Woman guards home, 1990 via reddit

Love, Memes, and Yo: Keep yo circle small and be careful who you trust 💯 they not gone love you when you down , just when you up .

Keep yo circle small and be careful who you trust 💯 they not gone love you when you down , just when you up .

Driving, Fam, and God: Guess this is what heaven looks like. Fam. Is there anything more annoying than planning a day of errands and seeing u got a flat tire? Or some smoke coming out the engine? Or any other car difficulty? (All my NYC followers like “what’s a car” LMAOOO bear with me with y’all non-driving a$$es dagg 😂). Anyway u had ALLLLL these plans and now ya plan is to fix the car. We all been there. And what do we do! We get agitated. We get annoyed. Well how annoyed would u be if I told u that if ya car worked perfect, you’d have made it to the road, but then u would have been part of a 16 car pileup and ended up in the hospital? Exactly. When God slow u down, that’s a test. U could be impatient. U could be annoyed. But sometime the Lord deal u a small calamity to avoid a larger calamity bc “God is the best of planners.” U gotta put it on faith and eat that and just believe that God’s change of plans was for the best for u. Aight? TO ALL MY ATHEISTS THANK U FOR BEARING WITH ME I KNOW U JUST LIKE “car trouble means you need to lease a new Toyota lol like logically there is no deeper epistemological meaning but it’s adorable that people still worship the bearded man in the sky lol” WELL THE MAN IN THE SKY IS MY HOMIE SO SOMETIMES I GOTTA SPEAK ON IT - I GOT LOVE FOR ALL HUMANS AND I LIKE TO SHARE MY TRUTH WITH OTHERS SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOKE UP TO A FLAT TIRE 😂 BLESS ON UP 😍😂😂 . . . (Slide 1: u-StarKill_er. Slide 2: u-FishCodeHuntress. Slide 3: u-OKGamesOn. Slide 4: FutureFriend8. Slide 5: DRAZZILB1424. Slide 6: TekProdFX16. Slide 7: u-HitMan917. Slide 8: u-captain_peanutbutter. Slide 9: MrDoge1337.)
Arguing, Beautiful, and Bless Up: Our Ginger lost her eye in November, but is a tough girl and we think just as beautiful as ever! So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit 😂) and I’m like “aye I seen your snap story you look super happy being home” and she like “Break is relaxing!! T God!! I needed it. And hehe yeah Jim is a keeper ☺️☺️☺️ miss u” <— I did not edit this lmao this how she talk I’m pasting here to prove I ain’t make this Sh!t up 🥶. And I’m like “Jim?” And she like “My father!!!! I call my parents Jim & Mary lmao whiteprivilege. I know lots of kids would be gettin the belt or facing the wrath of the chancla 😂💀” FAMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMmMm 😩😂😂. Y’all really got the chancla confrused (yes ‘confrused’.) Y’all confrused about the chancla fam. Chancleta came out for MINOR offenses. Misdemeanors. Not no COT damn felony manslaughter 😂. Failure to obey the reasonable directive of mom duke: chancleta. Talk bacc to mama after she said something wildly offensive: chancleta. Fight - argue with big sister who started it and plus I was acting in self defense: chancleta + wooden spoon. Fam! I would get the chancleta for some Sh!t I ain’t do! 😂 Framed for a crime and without any due process: chancleta. If I hecked around and called my mama by her government(?) FAM 😂. That’s not a slap on the wrist (with a chancleta). That would just be: “goodbye.” Deada$$. Like “good 👏......bye 😥”. Emphasis on the good but then a soft, theatrical ‘bye’. That’s not even a “talk it out”. That’s just one of them “pack a small suitcase and literally dip” like in the movies lmao. Like I gotta come bacc after 10 years and I knock on the door and I have very long facial hair (even longer that it is now 😬) and she don’t recognize me and I’m like “mama?” And she like “I am sorry u at the wrong house.” And I’m like “mama I’m your son.” And she like “I HAD a son. He died.” YES FAM - DIED. DECEASED. LIKE HOW DECEASED I STILL BE EVERY TIME ONE OF MY HWITE FRENS BE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH THEY PARENTS. YALL BEYOND WILD FOR THAT. BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 1: u-aprils96. Slide 2: u-stados4. Slide 3: u-JamesonRae. Slide 4: u-coinmurderer. Slide 5: u-BlemMlemFlep. Slide 6: u-samosa_pav.).

So I’m texting with my lil Caucasian homegirl (this is relevant in a second people - bear with me cot dammit 😂) and I’m like “aye I seen you...