Smash
Photoshoper
Photoshoper

Photoshoper

psychotically
 psychotically

psychotically

my brother
 my brother

my brother

psychotic
 psychotic

psychotic

stumbling
 stumbling

stumbling

batting
 batting

batting

smashing
smashing

smashing

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minute

minute

yours
yours

yours

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Bless Up, Emoji, and Food: Dunkin doesn't eat unless I microwave his food bc he thinks once it goes in the microwave it magically becomes human food 0:32 Beloveds! Very, very important! I gotta share something with y’all. At work, u gon have mentors. Bosses that take a interest in u. U feel me? They gon push u along. They gon support u. They gon look out for u. But as a dear friend once told me...there’s one thing they NOT gon do. Y’all ready? Y’all ready for this A1 Sauce? Y’all receptive? Nah. U know what I think y’all distracted on this Friday imma address this another time LMAO JK HERE IT GOES: one thing that mentor is NOT gon do is take money out of HIS paycheck, and put it in yours. READ THAT CAREFULLY. If it’s between your paycheck and his paycheck, he gon choose his paycheck 10 times out of 10. Not nine! see y’all not listening! 😂 Y’all sitting back like “nah some bosses are cool, my boss Phil is amazing, Phil will gladly go to HR and say ‘please bump Sally’s salary by $30,000 and decrease mine by a commensurate amount - I insist 😌’” <— men don’t make this emoji face because Phil don’t exist HE 👏 DONT 👏 EXIST 👏 BELOVED 👏 HE 👏 ON 👏 THE 👏 WAITING 👏 LIST 👏 FOR 👏 THAT 👏 NEW 👏 TESLA 👏 THAT 👏 30 👏 THOU 👏 BEEN 👏 SPUNT 👏 ARREDDY 👏- aight? He is not - I repeat not - gon prefer ya paycheck to his. Not gon happen! Not now not never! U feel me? So what that mean. IT MEAN U GOTTA ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF. “But smash imma be ‘the b!tch’ at work if I complain” GOOD. BE THE B!TCH LMAO. U KNOW WHAT B!TCHES DO? THEY GET PAID WHAT’S OWED TO THEM. THEN MEN GET MAD AND CALL THEM A B!TCH. IF THEY CALL U A B!TCH, 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 U DID SOMETHING RIGHT, AND THEY SALTY. BIG SALT. MORTONS. HIMALAYA ROCK SALT U FEEL ME? THE PINK JOINT. DONT LET A LABEL DISCOURAGE U. LET IT *EN* COURAGE U - TO GET WHAT U DESERVE. AIGHT? LOVE YALL. BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 1: @dunkinandkirby. Slide 2: @cantuonwheels)

Beloveds! Very, very important! I gotta share something with y’all. At work, u gon have mentors. Bosses that take a interest in u. U feel me...

Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Bless Up, Cute, and Funny: Once a lap dog, always a lap dog So a lot of you have been asking me, hey smash, when are you going to review the weighted blanket, how did it work, does it work wonders, did it fix your sleep problem?? Well it’s funny u ask! Since I got it, I’ve had two weeks of perfectly sound sleep where I close my eyes and imagine cows skipping over a fence (like happy cows on a vegan farm where all they gotta do is be cute lol) for three minutes until I doze blissfully 😍. JUST KIDDING! It made it worse a lil bit 😂. Officially said goodbye to that h0e today. I wanted it to work but like a toxic relationship sometimes You idealize something but the reality is it is not what is best for you so you have to say goodbye and block them forever but keep the entire text thread including the pics as evidence 🧐 LOL! Just kidding but not really 🙂😂. Mannnnnn listen. I wanted it to work. I was in full placebo effect. I was ready to receive God’s blessings. But that bish had me feelin TRAPPT. Like it’s supposed to mimic the warmth of the human body but for some reason a THICCUM pair of thighs straddling my right quad muscles whilst a head delicately lays on my BREAST and two breasstasis swaddle my right side feel hella different 🧐. Anyway I tried. Gave it a go for two skrate weeks. Did not work as intended. That being said, I do not want to dissuade you! It has worked for so many people and I am so thankful to the person who recommended it. That person has recommended a lot of great things and this one just happened to not work out. One person’s medicine is another person’s poison. This is how we were created. May you all sleep well and wake up rested and rejuvenated. Bless up! ❤️

So a lot of you have been asking me, hey smash, when are you going to review the weighted blanket, how did it work, does it work wonders, di...

Advice, America, and Bless Up: The moment you tell her to 'go get it! Say bruh have u ever craved flaming hot Cheetos covered in nacho cheese and jalapeños with a sundae next to it that has mangoes, ice cream, sprinkles, a banana and a whole bunch of other sweet delicious things that don’t necessarily go together? “Smash is u pregnant? U suppose to be a man? Where these cravings come from?” I am a man and I am not pregnant cot damn it is called leg day at the gym and my quads jello RN and this place is real asf it is called La Michoacana 🍦😍. You do not have to be carrying a baby to enjoy this heavenly place, but if you are, it probably make it that much better 🤰🏻. You can find these joints everywhere. There are a bunch in Chicago and they are splendid. “wow smash you really gon stunt on us like that, I live in Bombacrab Missouri, we don’t have anything that spicy here.” BISH YES U DO, LOOK 👏 FOR 👏 THE 👏 MEXICANS 👏😂. I been telling y’all they got treasures for days u just gotta be exploratory. Perhaps a Mangonada? Lil mango wif chamoy sauce, mangos, lime juice, chili powder? “HOT SPICES ON FRUIT SMASH U EITHER WILDING OR U REALLY MEXICAN.” well I am not Mexican so that mean I am wilding, yes, AND? 😂 just put in ya mouth. personally I eat a$$ so I’ll try anything once ... my palette very experimental 🥳. The worst that can happen is that you love it and then you start making mangonada for yourself and then put on your tinder profile that you make a mean mangonada and you get swiped by a young investment banker named Julio who grew up around Mexico city and then got a degree in engineering and moved to America to kill it in banking and now you getting married and taking trips first class on his frequent flyer miles and your friend Megan is like “damn my boyfriend Jim is still sleeping on my couch, playing fork knife on my TV and stealing money out of my purse how did you get to be balling like this?” And you can say I took smash’s advice and started making spicy mango drinks and now I’m pregnant with my third mixed baby and we going to Paris next month. Boom! Bless up 😍😂