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Af, Bad, and Beard: wanna play Dungeons & Dragons! -FUN POLICE YOU SUCK- Yay! Why do you wanna play High Adventure Pop Fantasy? I don't like fantasy And now we are You don't wanna play D&D, you want to Elves are dumb just wanna do this RPG thing playing Vampyre I hope you're happy SRYSLY lets be vampires n shit play something else wanna go on adventures! I want to be a special snowflake Can I be someone from Lord of the Rings or something? Every hero is special. What makes you special? Sure, I like the classic fantasy races Ugh, FINE. What makes you so damn special then? Actually Tolkein is a hack. Gimme something DIFFERENT Uh, I'm an elf or something? Uh, I dunno, just make me not an elf, dwarf, angel, devil or something done 100 times before okay? anyways What's on the inside. And my sword And my magic Me too! I want to be a I'm DARK and MISUNDERSTOOD motherfucking dragon and there's no true FIINE RIGHT or WRONG HUMAN WAAAAlT PHB Stout Wow. That's helpful. s Animal Person weird enough for you? Seriously, you could just like, be a dark and brooding white Make me hardy Halfling Subrace You can't be a dragon Yeah, I guess you're right UGH Gross no, I said SPECIAL Not done yet. Want to be slightly dwarfy, or nimbl dude Cool, off-brand HALFLING would like to maintain some semblance of gravitas Hobbit PHB Sure. More of the Gentle Nature Giant or STRONK MEN Alright, are you only r extremely silly? It's called Dungeons & Dragons you wangrod Lightfoot Nice! Wanna be Make me nimble a bit silly -Kid-sized please!- s there a Big Size? human sized or tiny? Halfling Subrace EVERYTHING IS No, I wear the darkness on my sleeve MAGIC AND GLITTER Can I have a bit of dark humor? Lain't no pedo You can be a woodsy I AM A Uh, like a furry? FINE PICK YOUR FAVORITE COLOR GNOME | the Forest Gnome s this just a magic hobbit? trickster or Ugh, just get out MAGIC world to see Gnome Subrace PHB Pls be gentl. MUSHROOM steampunk tinkerer POOMP DE MOOSCLES Can I be a Giant? Mountain Gnome LETS MAKE TOYS YAY Sure, but we're getting less classic Gnome Subrace FIRBOLG Lithe 'n' Pretty, or Noooo000000 lemme be a Dragon! GOLIATH Uh, I don't like these options Actually more of a horse thing for me CENTAUR Short 'n' Swole? now GGIR Are you a furry? FORGET THE TOYS No but birds are cool Okay, well we got options. First off, are you actually kind of misunderstood DRAGONBORN WE MUST GOO DEEPER Close enough This isn't a dragon Do u even lift bro? feel pretty No problem lets move over here Actually I'm a Scalie OwO Okay Fine Wait, now it gets complicated. Is magic or nature more important to you? Deep Gnome Wait does this come kid-sized? ELF DWARF No one gets me, especially my Mom -Wait I don't want to be short- Gnome Subrace Yay I'm done! PHB You know what, I was the monster all along AARAKOCRA Elemental Evil I just wanna soar in the air majestic and free By Thorin's beard. time to drink ale and axe things! sigh* WHATS YOUR FURSONA Majestic Eagle or Obnoxious Corvid? f this is right Wait, none Elves are and always will be badass treehuggers Motherfucker I'm MADE of Magic CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER КОBOLD KENKU So, are you hardier like the hills, or High Elf Wood Elf What? Fine. What's Volos the problem? Elf Subrace Elf Subrace stronger like stone? Great! First off. how Fun-sized evil it is Can't spell Slaughter_ without Laughter do you feel about comic relief? How do you feel about Scales? Cat! Meow Cow! Moo! Neither, I'm angry and kind of an asshole Elephant... uh... .none of the others? Hardy n Hilly! Nay Stone is Strength! am actually an emotionless lizard person I'm the DARK AND BADASS Alright, why do version of some poncy elf, dwarf, or other wussy fantasy goody two shoes GOBLIN Do you think this is funny? people misunderstand you Volos Right. Sorry. What is power to you? LOXADON TABAXI MINOTAUR SHIFTER I wanted to be Dark and Brooding Hill Dwarf Mountain Dwarf Duegar Can I be only KIND OF Elf-v? GGIR Volos GGtR Eberron Aren't Elves Faeries? Make me goddamn weird and Fev When I said Elf meant like, Dwarf Subrace Dwarf Subrace Dwarf Subrace lermaids I'm strong but instead of cheery dwarfness you got mean dwarfness Strength Intellect I've got sinister horns and look like the devil Eladrin Sea Elf Drow HALF-ELF Elf Subrace Elf Subrace Elf Subrace One of my parents is from a species that is thought to be brutish and cruel Are you just looking weird's this Doint? Cool, we actually have those if you picked that path earlier you edgelord I'm quick and lithe, like an elf but DARK you're right. Let's stick to something at least- a bit familiar I SAID DARK AND BROODING Fire Genasi Yeah, Fuck vou Genasi Subrace ean st Wanna be magical and pretty Like Ted Cruz. Neat. I was once holy HALF-ORC TIEFLING MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON So wrlat scales we talking? but now I've FALLEN FROM GRACE PHB PHE Shadar-Kai Well, there's only one REAL choice. Genies are Elf Subrace Ugh fine. One of your a genie parents Let's Captain Planet this shit GENASI elemental, so pick an Yeah that works Surprise attacks, or But a bit of strength is needed too right? To conquer? Elemental Evil element Alright. Are you half monstrous or hali 100% human i lame. Can I be part fantasy? I dunno just general reptiles I guess Nah, give me some monster blood! Rock Hard Ugh what is it on because vou're Snek baby We ail float Actually I wanted down here to be Aquaman not a coward magical and pretty? Genies? Get that Face them head on, I'm no coward! Deception is the ulimate weapon Uh, just give me a touch, just enough to make it nuanced Will Smith shit out of my face Protector Scourge Fallen owardly Tactical prowess Earth Genasi LIZARDFOLK Air Genasi Water Genasi I'm just lazy Aasimar Subrace Aasimar Subrace Aasimar Subrace marks a keen mind Genasi Subrace Genasi Subrace Genasi Subrace Volos Seriously? How about multiverse YUAN-TI Alright so I can explode heads, with my mind right? Okay, that's pretty fucking out there GITH Yup! Do you want to go part of the way, or all the way And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee MtoF plane hoppers? That's just ugly elves with mind powers Oh, lets go 100% monster Wait, what's this Intelligence penalty? I don't want backpedal a bit and be a bit Oh I wanna be an angel -but not like goody two shoes A BAD ANGEL You know, light. goodness yadda yadda Not quite. Anyways More choices! What be stupid,can ORC BUGBEAR НОBGOBLIN Gith come in two kind of angel? Volos flavors Blue hairless vulcan perfectionists? Like this isn't even DnD more heroic? VEDALKEN -Fine you got me GGR Big anymore WE ARE IMMORTAL WE ARE CONQUERERS WE ARE GITH Zen as fuck Kung Fu as Fuck Forge Chaos into Reality Fuck off Tieflings! Can I be a classic Monster? Big version or Small Version? Small Vulcans are just space elves These fuckers are just milktoast af Can I be an animal person? Uncommon Races! What sounds appealing to you? Githyanki Githzerai We're on a mission from God AASIMAR Gith Subrace Gith Subrace Volos OKAY YOU HAVE TENTACLES AND MUTATIONS AND YOU'RE LITERALLY A MAD SCIENCE EXPERIMENT SIMIC HYBRID This is the shit I'm .can I be a doppelganger? talking about GGIR Веер Воор Вoр I am Robot No I want to be mysterious Basically Aquaman the best DC superhero CHANGELINGS Eberron KALASHTAR Eberron TRITON WARFORGED Wait, can I do this but more Elf-y?- Volos Eberron ..I don't know what this is Neither do I. Also I'm banning you from my game. A Very Silly Flowchart For Picking Your Next D&D Race
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Reddit, Good, and Day: Reddit, to brighten up your day here's a good snek

Reddit, to brighten up your day here's a good snek

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