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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this l'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter.... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "nooo0!!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet. We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If l'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out." He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground. He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex β€œHe really thought he sent me to the grave”
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this I'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he's pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter... The. Wrong. Hole And my eyes widen, I go to shout "noooo!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the qrave with some accidental anal sex soorajmakhi SIMONE I AM YELLING katielittlejohn Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn't make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all The. Wrong. Hole
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Anal Sex, Dating, and God: theyellowbrickroad Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick??'? theyellowbrickroad Ok so picture this I'm 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And hes pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in... But something is wrong. He's about to enter... The. Wrong. Hole. And my eyes widen, I go to shout "noooo!!!" But it's all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet. We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I'm in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, "I am going to pass out." He doesn't know I'm serious, he thinks I'm just being emotional, and he's like "no baby come here" but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I'm dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex soorajmakhi SIMONE I AM YELLING katielittlejohn Joining tumblr was worth it just to read this. I didn't make a terrible mistake 9 years ago, after all. silver-tongues-blog this is Shakespearean levels of drama Source: theyellowbrickroad 86,867 notes Deep Dicking Disaster
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Wet, Beyond, and All: Im so wet Im beyond wet Im sitting on my juices. Theres Crisco all over my legs and floor.

Im so wet Im beyond wet Im sitting on my juices. Theres Crisco all over my legs and floor.

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Af, Bless Up, and Bruh: this cat has me mesmerized @DrSmashlove I see a lot of couples out here talmbout "let's have babies 😍." With that said imma give u smash's guide to having chirren, listen close. Having only one child: sensible. Smart. Usually when this happen, the mother or father is French. "I will ave a Bebe and we will eat cwasson and ike in zee Swiss Alp." Easy. Three amigos. Baby turn 18 - u back to being a couple. Y'all can have sex again. U feel me? Having two chirren: also sensible. Any car can fit y'all. Y'all could have a boy and a girl. It's just a nice all-American presidential size situation. Three chirren: whoa derr. U took it a lil far. Y'all had two - and knew that shit was sensible, but nah. Y'all got trigger happy. "How hard could a third be?" Hard AF dumbass πŸ˜‚. Y'all go from one on one coverage to zone defense. Good luck with that. Four (or five) chirren: off the deep end. Y'all had three, SAW how hard that shit was, but said *DJ Khaled voice* ANOTHA ONE. Y'all lost control of the crib - now y'all just having a party - the whole house is a Cot damn party. People with four or five kids give very little fucks. The type where they house burn down and it's like "well at least we got each other 😍." Statistically, at least one child gon change her name to "Earthwind", run away, and live in a hippie commune lol. If u last thru four or five kids congrats with y'all dumb asses y'all love each other. Six chirren: Catholic AF. I see y'all. For some reason six or more work out good. I got hella Irish homies who are investment bankers, consultants, private equity guys - they was raised on the south side of Chicago in a tiny two bedroom home in Bridgeport with eight siblings and ALL they asses came out smart well adjusted happy well educated and content. For some reason Irish women can pop out eight kids or even 11 kids and be totally normal. That's why Irish girls get so wet bruh they lubricate them babies flyin out ☺️. Patty is good bruh she gon have a baby in her sleep, like a clown car full of Irish clowns ain't just come screaming out of her womb. U feel me? Six or more is like "I'm leaving my fate with the Lord now." So with that said, have either two, or have six or more. Bless up! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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