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Questionable owl encounters: saintcucumbers Can someone please tell me what it means when an owl LITERALLY fucking swims towards you and then stares you down?? Like look at it?? Literally flew past me and my my friend, it was so close that the wings touched our faces. shiraglassman It's reminding you to do your Duolingo practice demonladytakkuri The real answer is that it really wants you to go away That's a fledgling great horned owl, they're known for being generally ballsy and aggressive, and owls have been known to both climb trees and swim through still water in a pinch Most likely full scenario: the bird was practicing flying, but it fell because it's still a kid and they do that. It probably fell in/by the water. It then was like Oh Damn Oh Jesus and decided it was not in fact a duck and headed to you, and was utterly offended but confused on what to do. So it decided to Square Up and face you like the hellbeast it is. The pose it's taking in the pic is one I affectionately call Full Orb. A fully orbed owl is 100% READY to FIGHT 1v1 no items final destination. You were probably its first up close encounter with a human, and since birds tend to associate larger animals with predators, it tried to make itself look as big as possible to make sure you know what's up. It was staring you down because it was waiting to see you make the first move in the dual or flee in fear from its superior owl might. timatisblog This reply made this post ette karmacharmeleon18 me: oh hello little owl owl: i will fuck you up aterrasilvershade Owl: I am lorge! Get spooked! Questionable owl encounters
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Playing the Long Game: Judy Brown I've done something ingenious to wind up my Dad (which is basically my favourite holiday pastime). It begins ike this Judy Brown Some of you out there may recall that in 2016 Iplayed an excellent Christmas prank on my long-suffering Dad. It worked a treat. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h Replying to @mcjude Last year I decided to play the long game & didn't tamper with the confectionary: spooked by the year before, he would not touch a single Ferrero Rocher (which was great because he usually inhales them at 750mph) so there were Ferreros aplenty for the rest of us. I bided my Judy Brown @mcjude 7h And so, yesterday, home for Christmas and with the devil at my elbow, I embarked on my most audacious sprout prank yet. Judy Brown @mcjude-7h While he was out I dipped the sprouts in chocolate, rolled them in chopped hazelnuts, and did all I could to replicate the iconic Ferrerro. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h l re-wrapped and (this is crucial) re- sealed the box with its original tape and a tiny dab of glue. Then secreted it amongst a bag of tasty gifts from my Aunt and retired to watch from afar Judy Brown @mcjude 7h Last night he viewed them with suspiciorn when they came out the bag... but I was out all day, how could I have tampered with them? He abstained and they sat in the kitchen all night. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h This bright Christmas morning we were gathered round the tree, drinking tea and opening presents. Dad eyed the box. He quite likes a post-brekkie Ferrero. He approached. I hovered in the kitchen, careful not to spook him. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h And Lo! He opened. He EXAMINED. He unwrapped. He examined FURTHER Fears allayed, he popped the whole thing in his mouth. His face played a symphony of emotions: satisfaction, triumph, realisation, horror, disgust. Judy Brown @mcjude 7h I am still chuckling. I will all day long.I know his retribution will be swift and terrible, but no Christmas gift could be greater than this: seeing my Dad, despite his efforts to avoid it, unwittingly eat a raw sprout. Merry Christmas, one and all 9193 t457 9644 72,816 notes Playing the Long Game

Playing the Long Game

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<p><a href="http://wicthes.tumblr.com/post/174714945838/surrealmemes-src-you-find-yourself-looking" class="tumblr_blog">wicthes</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://surreal--memes.tumblr.com/post/174711393016/src" class="tumblr_blog">surreal–memes</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>[<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/surrealmemes/comments/8oeayq/when_your_parents_walk_in_on_you_creating_a/">Src</a>]</p></blockquote> <p>you find yourself looking for a late night snack. cookies? no, your body is craving something healthy, like fruit. conveniently enough, it looks as though your mother came home from the grocery with a fresh bunch of bananas. in your weary state, you meander to the bundle and pull off the first one in sight. ‘this should keep me satisfied until breakfast,’ you think to yourself. you place the banana down to grab a glass from the cupboard for water.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>as you feel around the back for your favorite spiderman cup (circa 2005), you think you hear someone laugh right next to you. you quickly whip around to find the culprit but no one is there. you’re spooked but too tired and now too hangry to care. you find your spiderman swinging-into-action cup and walk to the refrigerator for some water.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>then the laughter happens again. you nearly drop your cup and mutter a hasty “shit” under your breath. now you’re a little more awake and realizing that you probably didn’t just imagine it the first time. you look around again trying to find the sound.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“psst,” you hear a faint whisper come from behind you, but there’s no one there. you believe ghosts are real but this is just too much right now.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“pssssst,” you hear that same whisper again, this time you look down.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>the only thing there is the banana.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>‘the banana… is talking to me?’ now you think you’ve lost it.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>remembering those stupid jokes and silly games from your childhood, you pick up the banana and turn it in your hands. you swear you heard the whispering come from the banana… right?</p> <p><br/></p> <p>swallowing your pride, you slowly raise the banana to your ear while glancing around the room just to make sure your younger sibling isn’t playing some sick joke on you to share with their friends.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“h-hello…?” you mumble hesitantly. this is probably the dumbest thing you’ve done in your life but you swear to god you heard those sounds. nothing happens for what seems like forever, until something does.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>as you’re about the give up your endeavor and admit insanity, a quiet voice escapes the fruit.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“no one will ever believe you,” the banana chuckles breathily in your ear. it was so faint it could have been your imagination had it not been the feeling of breath blowing into your ear. you freeze in panic because what the fuck just happened.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>at the same moment your younger sibling walks into the kitchen.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“are you… talking to a banana?” they ask incredulously.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>embarrassed and shocked, you stammer out a response, “i-it’s not what it looks like!” you exclaim, quickly pulling the banana from your ear. “it-“</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“whatever, im going back to bed,” your sibling frowns and walks out.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>you hear the banana laugh at you again.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“no one,” it whispers with amusement. you swear you hear the smile in its voice.</p> </blockquote>: Its not what it looks like <p><a href="http://wicthes.tumblr.com/post/174714945838/surrealmemes-src-you-find-yourself-looking" class="tumblr_blog">wicthes</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://surreal--memes.tumblr.com/post/174711393016/src" class="tumblr_blog">surreal–memes</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>[<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/surrealmemes/comments/8oeayq/when_your_parents_walk_in_on_you_creating_a/">Src</a>]</p></blockquote> <p>you find yourself looking for a late night snack. cookies? no, your body is craving something healthy, like fruit. conveniently enough, it looks as though your mother came home from the grocery with a fresh bunch of bananas. in your weary state, you meander to the bundle and pull off the first one in sight. ‘this should keep me satisfied until breakfast,’ you think to yourself. you place the banana down to grab a glass from the cupboard for water.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>as you feel around the back for your favorite spiderman cup (circa 2005), you think you hear someone laugh right next to you. you quickly whip around to find the culprit but no one is there. you’re spooked but too tired and now too hangry to care. you find your spiderman swinging-into-action cup and walk to the refrigerator for some water.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>then the laughter happens again. you nearly drop your cup and mutter a hasty “shit” under your breath. now you’re a little more awake and realizing that you probably didn’t just imagine it the first time. you look around again trying to find the sound.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“psst,” you hear a faint whisper come from behind you, but there’s no one there. you believe ghosts are real but this is just too much right now.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“pssssst,” you hear that same whisper again, this time you look down.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>the only thing there is the banana.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>‘the banana… is talking to me?’ now you think you’ve lost it.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>remembering those stupid jokes and silly games from your childhood, you pick up the banana and turn it in your hands. you swear you heard the whispering come from the banana… right?</p> <p><br/></p> <p>swallowing your pride, you slowly raise the banana to your ear while glancing around the room just to make sure your younger sibling isn’t playing some sick joke on you to share with their friends.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“h-hello…?” you mumble hesitantly. this is probably the dumbest thing you’ve done in your life but you swear to god you heard those sounds. nothing happens for what seems like forever, until something does.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>as you’re about the give up your endeavor and admit insanity, a quiet voice escapes the fruit.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“no one will ever believe you,” the banana chuckles breathily in your ear. it was so faint it could have been your imagination had it not been the feeling of breath blowing into your ear. you freeze in panic because what the fuck just happened.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>at the same moment your younger sibling walks into the kitchen.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“are you… talking to a banana?” they ask incredulously.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>embarrassed and shocked, you stammer out a response, “i-it’s not what it looks like!” you exclaim, quickly pulling the banana from your ear. “it-“</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“whatever, im going back to bed,” your sibling frowns and walks out.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>you hear the banana laugh at you again.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“no one,” it whispers with amusement. you swear you hear the smile in its voice.</p> </blockquote>
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topsydead: I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later.And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole. There are so many good elephants stories. They will even help zookeepers wash other elephants– literally, a zookeeper can be like “[Name 1], please wash [Name 2]” and he will go wash that elephant correctly.Listen guys. Not only are elephants people, but they’re largely better people than us. I’m 10000% serious. : We were following a lioness carrying her cub & she was getting really tired An elephant showed up wanting to help the lioness. The elephant put its trunk down, the cub jumped up & the elephant carried the lion cub!! S28, 3km from S entrance Tinged by Sloof Lirpa topsydead: I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later.And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole. There are so many good elephants stories. They will even help zookeepers wash other elephants– literally, a zookeeper can be like “[Name 1], please wash [Name 2]” and he will go wash that elephant correctly.Listen guys. Not only are elephants people, but they’re largely better people than us. I’m 10000% serious.
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topsydead: I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later.And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole. There are so many good elephants stories. They will even help zookeepers wash other elephants– literally, a zookeeper can be like “[Name 1], please wash [Name 2]” and he will go wash that elephant correctly.Listen guys. Not only are elephants people, but they’re largely better people than us. I’m 10000% serious. : We were following a lioness carrying her cub & she was getting really tired An elephant showed up wanting to help the lioness. The elephant put its trunk down, the cub jumped up & the elephant carried the lion cub!! S28, 3km from S entrance Tinged by Sloof Lirpa topsydead: I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later.And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole. There are so many good elephants stories. They will even help zookeepers wash other elephants– literally, a zookeeper can be like “[Name 1], please wash [Name 2]” and he will go wash that elephant correctly.Listen guys. Not only are elephants people, but they’re largely better people than us. I’m 10000% serious.
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topsydead: I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later.And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole. There are so many good elephants stories. They will even help zookeepers wash other elephants– literally, a zookeeper can be like “[Name 1], please wash [Name 2]” and he will go wash that elephant correctly.Listen guys. Not only are elephants people, but they’re largely better people than us. I’m 10000% serious. : We were following a lioness carrying her cub & she was getting really tired An elephant showed up wanting to help the lioness. The elephant put its trunk down, the cub jumped up & the elephant carried the lion cub!! S28, 3km from S entrance Tinged by Sloof Lirpa topsydead: I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later.And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole. There are so many good elephants stories. They will even help zookeepers wash other elephants– literally, a zookeeper can be like “[Name 1], please wash [Name 2]” and he will go wash that elephant correctly.Listen guys. Not only are elephants people, but they’re largely better people than us. I’m 10000% serious.
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