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Alive, Animals, and Bad: mithsonian smithchan.com/monsters nake CHANNELmanstersrake 02012 SNUSI Networks LL.C. All rights reserved Smithson legitimatelala: lokiwtf: gallizfrey: anneriawings: siphersaysstuff: honey-andrevolution: sashayed: silvermoon424: poppypicklesticks: billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro: cosmicallycosmopolitan: billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro: james-winston: The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhino. Titanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight. I’m so glad they aren’t around omg me too. I’m scared enough of 26 ft long anacondas. I’m so happy Megalodons, those giant sharks, aren’t alive either Praise natural selection I remember watching Walking with Beasts or something similar, or some British tv show about evolution The subject was something like a 12 foot long water scorpion I was so startled by its sudden appearance and narration that I yelped: “12 fucking feet?!?!  I’m fucking glad it’s extinct!”  Dude, prehistory was home to some fucking TERRIFYING creatures. For some reason, everything back then was enormous and scary. Extinction doesn’t always have to be a bad thing! And Poppy, what you saw was an arthropod known as Pterygotus (it was actually featured in Walking With Monsters). Not only was it as big (or maybe even bigger) than your average human, it had a stinger the size of a lightbulb. REALLY glad that bugger isn’t around anymore. Also, Megalodon deserves to be mention again, because just hearing its name makes me want to never be submerged in water ever again. GOD, I HATE THIS POST. HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THAT SHIT ISN’T STILL AROUND? LURKING? EVOLVING? WE DON’T. WE DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT DOWN THERE. THE OCEAN IS A PRIMEVAL HELLSCAPE NIGHTMARE AND WE ALL JUST DIP OUR STUPID FRAGILE UNPROTECTED FETUS BODIES AROUND THE EDGES OF IT LIKE THAT’S NORMAL. FUCK THE OCEAN. this is so relevant to my interests  It wasn’t just the predators. North Carolina was once home to giant ground sloths… THAT IS A GODDAMNED LEAF-EATING SLOTH. We’ve got a skeleton of one of these fuckers at the museum downtown, and man, just being NEAR it is unsettling. DON’T FORGET PREHISTORIC WHALES, SOME OF THOSE FUCKERS WERE TERRIFYING AMBULOCETUS WAS AMPHIBIOUS AND PRETTY BADASS BASILOSAURUS WAS THIS GIANT REPTILIAN CETACEAN THAT PROBABLY SWAM LIKE A DUMB EEL BECAUSE OF ITS TINY FLUKES BUT THIS FUCKER WAS 60 FEET LONG AND AT THE TOP OF THE MARINE FOOD CHAIN AND THEN THERE’S MY FAVORITE, ZYGOPHYSETER, WHICH WAS THIS HUGE EARLY SPERM WHALE THAT ATE SHARKS AND OTHER WHALES IT WAS NOTHING BUT TEETH The reason why the animals in the prehistoric times were so big was because there was much more oxygen in the atmosphere if I recall correctly. Because there was so much oxygen and so few carbon gasses, life on earth was able to grow to terrifying lengths and heights, don’t forget how giant the bugs were. I have never seen so much prime nope in a single post *Goes on Tumblr at 5am to help me go back to sleep for a bit longer* *Never sleeps again* Dammit I was born to late for all the fun
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Funny, A Deuce, and Dog: Startled dog slips on ice, dropping a stick and a deuce. via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2Au5oVz

Startled dog slips on ice, dropping a stick and a deuce. via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2Au5oVz

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A Deuce, Dog, and Ice: Startled dog slips on ice, dropping a stick and a deuce.

Startled dog slips on ice, dropping a stick and a deuce.

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Af, Being Alone, and America: MARIAH CAREY Not Another White Girl Trying To Sing Black' Daughter of Black father and White mother is hottest new artist By Lynn Norment ARIAH CAREY has a score to settle. Last summer, soon after her debut recording started racing up the record charts, she says a music critic referred to her as "another White girl trying to sing Black." Carey, indisputably the hottest new artist of the year, was infuriated A hit on Black and White charts, Mariah Carey is biggest new pop star since Whitney Houston 54 EB NY March 1991 Continued on Page 56 Denying reports that she is a White star imitating Blacks, talented singer-lyricist poses (left) at New York luncheon. "My father, Carey says, "is Black and Venezuelan, my mother is Irish. That makes me a combination of all those things." MARIAH CAREY Continued sing a certain way. I'm just trying to be Because she and her mother moved And now, here at a luncheon at Lolas me. And if people enjoy my music, often, she didn't have many close n Manhattan, she has the then they shouldn't care what I am, so friends or get involved in high school music programs. Instead, she spent af- straight and "tactfully" correct the Carey says she has always loved to ter-school hours writing songs and ing, and she gives credit and thanks to making demo tapes with longtime ac- perfect opportunity to set the record it shouldn't be an issue erring critic. "Im not a White girl trying to sing her mother for the "genes. Her quaintance Ben Margulies Black," the 20-year-old singer says in mother started giving her vocal lessons I 1987, right after finishing high an interview soon after. “My father is when she was four years old, and she school at age 17, she moved from her Black and Venezuelan, my mother is spent considerable time around her mother's home on Long Island into a Irish. That makes me a combination of mom's musically talented friends, one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan all those things. I am a human being, a soaking up the sounds of Billie Holiday with two other struggling performers During this exceptionally lean period, As a kid, she also spent a lot of time she slept on a mattress on the floor and Though barely out of her teens, Ma- listening to the radio and her sister's worked as a waitress, hat checker and riah Carey is indeed her own woman records. The soulful sounds of Gladys restaurant hostess to make ends meet She grew up in New York with her Knight, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Before and after work, she diligently mother, Patricia Carey, a vocal coach Wonder and Al Green were constant shopped her demo tapes from record and former singer with the New York companions. She sang along and stud- company to record company, but was person. What I am not is a White girl trying to sing Black. and Sarah Vaughan City Opera. Her parents divorced ed the lyrics and arrangements. By basically ignored when she was three, and Carey had an the time she was in high school, Carey ther, Alfred Roy Carey, an aeronautica which appear on her recordin a brother, 29, and a sister, 30.) back on-and-off" relationship with her fa was writing her own songs, several of up to Brenda K. Starr, and she was reg ularly doing studio session work. "We engineer in Washington, D.C. (She has Gospel music was also a great influ became good friends, and she helped ence. On occasion, she accompanied me out a lot," she says of Starr. "She Some people look at me and they her paternal grandmother, who is was always saying, Here's my friend see my light skin and my hair," she says Black, to a Baptist church. Even today, Mariah, here's her tape; she sings Eventually she began running a slender, neatly manicured she says, "I get up and go to bed listen- writes..。。.. hand through her long, semi-curly, ing to gospel music." Her favorites i It was Starr who took Carey to the honey-colored tresses for emphasis. "I clude the Clark Sisters, Shirley Caesar CBS party where she was discovered can't help the way I look, because it's and Edwin Hawkins, in addition to Ar me. I don't try to look a certain way or etha Franklin and Al Green 56 At t Sony Music Entertainment) president Continued on Page 58 EBONY March 1991 ways felt kind of different from every one else in my neighborhoods. I was a different person-ethnically. And sometimes that can be a problem. If you look a certain way everybody goes White girl, and I'd go, No, that's not Carey chose to express her inner- most feelings in her songs rather than become depressed and bitter. You re ally have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, Im proud of what I am and who I am and I'm just going to be myself And for Carey, that translates into being a "respected" singer and song writer. But her phenomenal success has not inflated her head or her bank account, for she has yet to realize any monies from the album's success. The days when she and two struggling roommates stretched out a boxed mac aroni dinner for a week are still too Vivid, she says And, no, I don't let stuff like this go to my head, because success isn't a scale for talent," says the singer. I don't want to be a big star,' but I want to be respected as an artist. I'm de- Black singers, Carey lighted and very thankful [that people Influenced by Gladys Knight, Aretha Franklin and other started writing songs ike her work] in high school. She is a big gospel musio fan. "This is my love," she says emphat ically. "I want to sing for the rest of my MARIAH CAREY Continued more than two million copies. In At this point, she sings every chance Tommy Mottola a demo. In return, he ically, Carey wrote "Love Takes Time" she gets. In the studio. During promo gave her a Great-another demo for a second LP. But when Mottola tional stops. In the shower. Around her tape" smile, and Carey assumed it was another dead end. But on leaving the heard it, he insisted on stop g the one-bedroom Upper East Side Marn hattan apartment. To the boyfriend/ affair, Mottola popped the demo into but album, even though some record singer she's known since high school presses and adding the song to her de- his limo's tape deck. He liked what he ings were already in record stores heard so much that he immediately re- To her two Persian cats Carey says she was just as startled as Singing makes me incredibly turned to the party to find Carey. But anyone that Vision of Love" hit so big happy," she says. "Music makes me im she had already left because "it isn't hip-hop music, it isn't measurably h Having no address or telephone house music, and it isn't rap. But I am number did not deter Mottola from so glad and thankful," she says. That tracking her down. Ironically, another song really represents everything in record company had expressed mild interest in Carey, and a bit of a biddii war evolved my life. It is a song from the heart. ing Consider the lyrics: "Prayed through the nights/Felt so alone/Suf In December 1988, she signed with fered from alienation/Carried the CBS Columbia Records. Within a weight on my own/Had to be strong/So week she wrote Vision of Love" for I believed/And now I know I've suc- her debut album. In fact, she wrote ceeded/In finding the place I con- lyrics for all l songs on her self-titled ceived LP, and she even produced Vanish- the lissome artist with the clear, passio- inging "America The Beautiful" at the Just why would such a seemingly tender womanchild write these words Columbia went all-out to promote of despair and sing them with suclh deep passion? nate seven-octave voice, flexing a little "Well, just because you are young clout to get her the coveted task of doesn't mean that you haven't had a hard life," she says with a knowing lit 1989 NBA finals, where she was ex- tle smile. "It's been difficult for me, posed to 16 million people. Both "Vi moving around so much, having to sion of Love" and "Love Takes Time grow up by myself, basically on my have gone gold, and the album has sold own, my parents divorced. And I al EBONY March 1991 festivemomentspow:Mariah Carey, 1991

festivemomentspow:Mariah Carey, 1991

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Fashion, Food, and Fucking: rockatransky: on occasion, i browse the clearance racks at overpriced hipster-y boutiques cause from time to time you can find amazing deals, but being in Rich People Places always makes me a little nervous- and today when i was picking up a layaway from one of these shops, my nerves resulted in a story the shopkeepers are probably gonna be telling for quite a while. i'd just come from the feed store for lizard food (ie: bugs), and it was like 95F out so they were slowly being smothered to death in my backpack. so when the clerk, who i'd overheard was only on her second day working there, gave me my fancy sundress in a bag way too big for it, i pulled out two dozen crickets in a plastic bag and a tub full of mealworms from my pack and set them gently on the bag so they could breathe better till i got home. this girl's eyes go wide and she looks imploringly back at the equally startled-looking manager helping her through the transaction, and i realize that this might look a little weird to folks who aren't reptile keepers. so, instead of doing the logical thing and explaining that i'm feeding leopard geckos, i sorta chuckled and shrugged apologetically, and just said "dinner, y'know?" for the briefest of moments, there was an awkward silence so sweaty and suffocating you could drown in it, and then, in true daytime comedy fashion, the fucking crickets started chirping so i guess i'm never going back there ever again. Welp, time to go hide under a rock with the lizards
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Being Alone, Apparently, and Disneyland: talesfromyourlocalcashier: victorian-sexstache: mizuaoi: musicalhell: madhattey: rusticbabe: spiderman-against-pedos: witchcryptid: alittlebitpessimistic: azalea-in-time: ziamlevinestylinson: 2ollux-captor-ii2-my-dance2tor: useless-worthless-nobody: azalea-in-time: When you go to a haunted house, it may seem like you’re being funny by trying to scare the actors or jump out at them when you go through a second time, but guess what? ITS NOT FUNNY. You pay us to scare you. It is your choice to go, so don’t fucking go through if you’re going to ignore the rules and get too close to the actors as a ‘joke’. These bruises happened because over the course of 4 hours, several people ignored the instructions that CLEARLY stated that they were to wait in the front room until told otherwise. Rather than listen, they ran into the next room and slammed into me- effectively throwing me into the wall. This didn’t only happen once. It happened ten times at LEAST. Then we had this asshole who thought that once I ‘died’ for the haunt, he could pretend to kick me to see if I’d moved. I, being used to people abusing me- jumped back and slammed my head into the concrete wall. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY BY BEING RUDE AT A HAUNTED HOUSE. WE ARE PAID ACTORS THAT YOU CHOOSE TO COME AND SEE PERFORM. YOU PAY US TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, SO DONT HIT US WHEN WE DO I feel that this is relevant considering it is October and more Haunted Houses are opening up. I know it seems funny to scare the ‘monsters’ but all you do is hurt real people. So stop. It’s not even October but I’m still spreading this SIGNAL BOOOOOOOOSSSSSTTTTT!!!!!!! Now Yeah…your director may want to consider reblocking We don’t have a director? Or blocking??? It’s a haunted house bro, not a play Reblogging for relevance- I work at a Haunted House every October, and have been for the past few years. Our house in particular is staffed by Volunteer workers who are either earning credits for Graduation, or people who know the Family that owns the haunted attraction. In our City, we’re one of two Haunted Houses, so while we open in late September, we tend to get incredibly busy during the month of October and often work from 6pm until 2, 3am on weekends.  We do not get paid to help out. Due to our location, we get a lot of drunk guys coming through, and a lot of ‘funny’ teenagers. In my several years working there, I’ve seen Actors get grabbed and thrown, stomped on, kicked, bitten, everything. A lot of the Actors at this attraction are young teenagers, Middle and Secondary School students, so this kind of abuse is terrifying and potentially emotionally scarring. There’s a position half-way through the house we call ‘Psych Ward’, and it’s essentially a jump scare. The scare is a corner-room, boxed in with walls and broken windows, that the Actor pops out of and shouts and taunts the people going through. October, 2012, a couple were going through the Psych Ward corner and the scare went off as per usual. The girlfriend of this couple got very startled but laughed it off and continued on. The boyfriend, however, back-tracked and went up to the broken window and punched the Actor in the face for scaring his girlfriend. The Actor, who I’m going to call Tracy, had a black eye for a good two weeks solid and the couple had to be escorted out of the house and were banned from the property. Ever since we’ve ruled that Veteran Actors (someone who’s been there for 3+ years) are the only ones allowed in this particular Scaring Spot. He paid to get scared and then got violent when we delivered. There are so many stories I can tell of ignorant customers banging back on scares and injuring the Actors inside, grabbing props from the actors and hurting them with it, destroying props because they thought it would be ‘funny’.  I just want to raise awareness that the ACTORS ARE STILL PEOPLE. We’re instructed to get the best kind of scare out of you, sometimes with no pay at all (like this particular attraction), so please respect our work. We wouldn’t come to your job, mock you, and push you around trying to be ‘funny’. Don’t come to our job and do that to us! I literally cannot believe people are angry over this post saying “don’t fucking beat up actors” I work at a haunted hayride and a guy tried to dropkick me in the chest and knee me in the face because he thought it was funny. I got in trouble for breaking character to tell him to fucking stop. Ive been hit so many times this season it has left cuts and bruises. Back in 2015 I was fucking choked and dragged behind a wagon because a lady was drunk and her son had to pry her hands off me because IM NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH YOU OR FIGHT BACK. Most recently, a customer groped my breasts and twisted my fucking nipples. Apparently, she did it to AT LEAST twenty other actors. THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT YOU ASSHOLES. ITS NOT OKAY. Most recently a customer fucking kicked me and sent me to the goddamned hospital. WHEN YOU GO TO A HAUNTED HAYRIDE / HAUNTED HOUSE, REMEMBER YOU LITERALLY PAID US TO SCARE YOU. THE ACTORS ARE REAL PEOPLE. DO NOT FUCKING HIT US. Why the fuck would you even do this holy shit Hey guys i know this is out of theme but that comment from @witchcryptid was me and my old url. I plan on working this job again this year if at all possible, so here’s an added psa: If your family or friend(s) force you into a haunting, be upfront as best you can and tell actors as they come up “please do not scare me i am too anxious / scared” and 9.99/10 times we will listen and leave you alone. just communicate with us even though we most often cannot communicate back. We may be playing monsters, but we are NOT monsters. Also, please remember to keep your hands off of us during your haunting, and also please try to step in or speak up if you see people trying to touch us, assault us, or talking about planning to touch or hurt a staff member. We cannot do anything and will most likely get in legal trouble for touching you in defense. Thank you and have a spooky fall 🌻🍁🍂🍃 I…I feel really upset that this has to be a reminder ._. I mean they should know you’re…justacting. jesus christ… I don’t even do haunted houses (I’m one of those aforementioned anxious people) but boosting the signal because this is seriously not cool. Hey guys it’s that time!! You paid for a ticket which means you consented to be scared! As an ex haunt monster please for fucks sake if you KNOW your reflex is to strike when scared DO NOT GO TO THESE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NO ONE GOES TO DISNEYLAND AND PUNCHES DONALD DUCK WHY WOULD YOU DO THE SAME TO HAUNTED HOUSE WORKERS?!?!?!?! Please don’t attack workers for doing their jobs.
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