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Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product for the sake of making your own job easier? This worker just removed 47.64% of the material from the object he was assigned to transport! If one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster, too. And probably get fired for it. If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere, but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate- rial. And it would require less work to carve. While we're on the subject, though, how quickly did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there. If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube, then the worker has already failed. If the goal was to deliver as much of the material as quickly as possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted. Don't Work Hard. Work Intelligent. But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at their destination, they may be required to stack the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent worker has delivered an object that won't stack. Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo! Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently." laughoutloud-club: Wait A Second, Just Think About It
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Amazon, Ass, and Books: Millennials Are Out- Reading Older Generations But younger Americans value library services less than more senior cohorts, study finds natural–blues: decrystallize: witchtimez: onlyblackgirl: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: m4ge: This came up on my facebook feed and I am so excited to see how generation Xers and Baby Boomers will find a way to use this to shit on millenials anyways nice okay we’re off to a good start oh boy do i have something to tell you about millennials, working, and debt that’s gonna absolutely blow your socks off banksy’s family found this article Why old people so mad. It’s funny because millennials can pretty much multitask like it’s second nature simply because it’s necessary to keep up with society, while baby boomers whine about reading subtitles and can’t seem to program anything more complicated than a VCR. But sure, ok, the kids are lazy and have entitlement complexes Older Generations: -Make comics about kids not knowing how books work- Millenials: -Read more books than anyone else- Older Generations: …no we changed our minds reading a lot is lazy and entitled now I had a professor, way older, talk at a great length about how his generation is more well read than Millenials. When it was brought up that our generation reads more, he literally came out of nowhere with “Well, that’s not the point. See, my generation was better informed. You kids don’t know what it is to actually sit down and read for information. This generation is the least informed of any previous generation! Other generations sat and read, listened to the radio for information. There’s access, but are any of you *actually* informed? No. If I wanted to know what happened in Finland to make it a country, I would go to the library, speak to another human being, and check out books to read on the subject. We were happy to do it.” A girl a few seats behind me goes, “Bullshit. If I want to know that, I can Google that in a few seconds depending on my signal. I can youtube or Netflix a documentary on Finnish History. I can listen to podcasts made by Scandinavian historians. I can use Duolingo to get a better than basic understanding of the language, and use Amazon same-day to get a book in my hand by my last class of the day, delivered to the class. I can order Finnish food on my ubereats app, find a language partner chat app to video with people in Helsinki, use Google Earth to visit, patronise interactive museums, and stream the most popular films from the country *right now*. If I so desire I can take an opensource course from a highly accredited university about the same subject and apply to study abroad with a trusted program with the click of a button. I can use Tinder to find me someone there to get some with, I can buy plane tickets and find a top rated hotel for a good price with great reviews and stream their local radio stations with an app. I can buy train tickets, bus tickets and rent a car. We aren’t less informed. We just don’t learn things we don’t give a shit about or need just to say we did all smug about it. Stop sneering at us for the access your generation dreamed of giving us actually happening just because your old ass doesn’t know how to use it.”
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Alive, Bailey Jay, and Click: reedsy How to Writea Query Letter 15 stn A one-page note that will make agents fall in love at first sight Subject: Query for David - One for the Road: a thriller Jenny Writes <jenny.writes@reedsy.com> Best Literary Agency<submissions@bestlitagency.com> From: O: Mention the agent's name in the subject line Provide context for your book, e.g. "a thriller" Use the correct submission address GREETING AND INTRODUCTION Keep the intro short! A sentence or two will do the trick Don't misspell the agent's name! Mention any personal connection you have to the agent, or Include a referral from authors or industry insiders "Dear Mr Jenkins, My name is Jenny Writes. I am seeking representation for my debut thriller novel, One for the Road..." THE HOOK AND SYNOPSIS Write an irresistible 'elevator pitch,' condensing the spirit of your book into a few sentences. LI Give a taste of the story, genre, and your flair for writing Introduce your main characters Establish the central conflict What differentiates your book from others in the genre? Leave the agent wanting to find out more Keep the hook and synopsis under 200 words "Dr Clara Fortune is Seattle's greatest surgeon: a rising star, loved by her patients. During a groundbreaking procedure, she realizes that she once met her patient during her "dark days" in Afghanistan. If he makes it out of the surgery alive, this man could threaten everything Clara holds dear..." reedsyhq: Click the link to view the full infographic: http://bit.ly/2yO0kwhAre you looking for an agent to represent your latest book? Read our latest blog post on “How to Write a Query Letter in 7 Steps” for strategic tips!

reedsyhq: Click the link to view the full infographic: http://bit.ly/2yO0kwhAre you looking for an agent to represent your latest book? Rea...

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Fbi, Gucci, and Heroin: WANTED By the Drug Enforcement Administration Name: Frank Larry Matthews Aliases: FRANK McNEAL, PEEWEE, MARK III $20,000.00 REWARD 2o 8 4'9 SHERIFF CLARK CO PHOTO TAKEN 2/16/69 PHOTO TAKEN 1/5/73 Build: medium Hair: black Eyes: brown Complexion: clear Description: Age: 33, born 2/13/44 Height: 5'9" Place of Birth: Durham, N.C. Weight: 180 lbs. SS No.: 242-66-8429 Occupation: realtor Note: may have had plastic surgery Citizenship: U.S Ethnic Origin: Black American Remarks: A Federal Bench Warrant was issued on July 3, 1973, Eastern District of New York, charging Matthews with failure to appear after indictment for violation of 21 USC 846 Heroin Conspiracy Caution: this individual is reportedly in the company of two bodyguards and should be consid- ered armed and dangerous. The Drug Enforcement Administration has authorized the payment of $20,000.00 as a reward to anyone providing information dirctiyresuting in the apprehension of this subject. All such information will be kept strictly confidential. Peter B. Bensinger, Administratbr IF YOU HAVE INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON CONTACT DEA PRINCIPLE OFFICES ARE LISTED ON BACK. United States Department of Justice, Drug Enforcement Administration CIRCULAR NO. 17 FBI NO. 640 716D gucci-flipflops: Frank “Black Caesar” Matthews (born February 13, 1944) is a major heroin and cocaine trafficker who operated throughout the eastern seaboard during the late 1960s and early 1970s. At the peak of his career he operated in 21 states and supplied major dealers throughout every region of the country. Although there is more attention paid to other drug kingpins of the era, Frank Matthews is said by the DEA to be one of the most significant traffickers of the time. He led a flamboyant lifestyle, with large sable mink coats, prime seats at major sporting events, luxury vehicles, and regular trips to Las Vegas where he was treated like a king. Matthews would also become known for hosting a major African-American drug dealers “summit” in Atlanta in 1971In 1973, the DEA was set to arrest Matthews. Nothing is known of his disappearance, however, he was arrested in Las Vegas, NV - paid bail then disappeared and others say he fled the scene before the arrest. At the time, Matthews allegedly took 15–20 million dollars with him and fled the country, and was never seen again.

gucci-flipflops: Frank “Black Caesar” Matthews (born February 13, 1944) is a major heroin and cocaine trafficker who operated throughout th...

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America, Apparently, and Bad: mothman @LEVKAWA how to tell when a bilingual character was not written by a bilingual person 101 "Hola ¿Qué pasa?" Lance said. "Uh...what?" "Ah, sorry. It's hard to switch back sometimes. What's up?" He corrected kalidels: misdiagnosed-ghost: rrojasandribbons: cobaltmoony: silentwalrus1: justgot1: cricketcat9: artykyn: prideling: gunvolt: im going to have a stroke Instead try…Person A: You know… the thingPerson B: The “thing”?Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed: Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!” Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.” I use Spanish and English daily, none is my native language. When I’m tired or did not have enough sleep I loose track of who to address in which language;  I caught myself explaining something in Spanish to my English-speaking friends more than once. When I’m REALLY tired I’ll throw some Polish words in the mix.  There is nothing more painful than bad fake Spanglish by an American writer. Bilingual people don’t just randomly drop words in nonsensical places in their sentences ffs. “I’m muy tired! I think I’ll go to my cama and go to sleep!“ Nobody does that. From my bilingual parents: - Only being able to do math in their original language. “Ok so that would beeeeee … *muttering* ocho por cuatro menos tres…” - Losing words and getting mad at you about it. “Gimme the - the - UGH, ESA COSA AHI’ CARAJO. The thing, the oven mitt. Christ.” - Making asides to you in Spanish even though you’ve told them to not do this as lots of people here speak Spanish. “Oye, mira esa, que cara fea.” “MOM FFS WE’RE IN A MEXICAN NEIGHBORHOOD.” - Swears in English don’t count. - Swears in Spanish mean you’d better fucking run, kid. - Introducing you to English-only Americans using your Spanish name so that they mispronounce your name for all eternity because that’s what your mom said your name was. “Hi Dee-yanna!” “sigh, Just call me Diana.” “Yeah but your mom said your name was Dee-yanna.”  - Your parents give you a name that only makes sense in Spanish. “Your name is Floor?” “No, my name is Flor.” “FLOOR?” “Sigh.”  - conjugating English words with Russian grammar and vice versa. Sometimes both at once, which is extra fun.  самолет -  самолетас -  самолетасы - when vice versa, dropping English articles entirely. The, a, an: all gone. e.g. “I go to store and buy thing, I fix car and go to place.” This also happens when i am very tired  - speaking English with heavy accent you don’t actually have - when my family and I are switching over fast, we say the English words in a very heavy Russian accent that mostly doesn’t show up otherwise  bonus:  - keysmashing in the wrong language when your keyboard is still switched over - using ))))) instead of :))) or other culture-specific emoji/typing quirks all of the above OMG. THIS.  -switching from Romanes to English and forgetting that articles exist because Romanes doesn’t always use them-starting to say a word in one language and trying to smoothly transition it to another language: n…oooooo, thank you is probably my most common-using English profanity when speaking Romanes-using Romanes profanity when speaking English.. that’s how you know I am angry-the over extension of the word “not” in English that comes out something like this; “I have not cash on me”.-counting in my head in Romanes always, but math always in English, which might explain my bad math skills-drunk accents.. I have a heavy accent when drunk.. and only when drunk-substituting Romani words when trying to speak in Serbian even when the other speaker is bilingual in English-aspirating English phonemes that are not meant to be aspirated -accidentally pronouncing the English “i” sounds as “ee”.. I have a dog named Snickers and everyone thinks her name is Sneakers-describing objects in detail, but forgetting the actual name of it in your target language; dzhanes, ‘odaji glazhuni.. thaj zhamija si ‘oda.. ejjjjj.. dikhes perdal oda.. ejjjj.. ekh… feljastra! Ekh feljastra! -”the thing” in both languages.. -except e buki also means “the work”, and o kasavo mean “such”, or “like this”, so in English I mean to say “the thing”, but I really say “the this, you know, this, this, this, the thingy.” But, it sounds like, “da dis, you know, dis, dis, dis, da tingy.”-subject verb agreement doesn’t exist when switching languages; ^^see above.. that was not an intentional mistake-“is mine” to mean “I have”; “Dog is mine” = “I have a dog” I could keep going.. but, yea, bilingual quirks are waaaay better and funnier when you actually understand how they work and the grammar quirks of both target languages.  I always fucking forget the word “chess”???? And I sit there saying шахматы over and over to myself until I finally remember it in English. blunders also happen when they have to note down something real quick or take lectures! my notes when I was in Italy for my exchange year are incomprehensible to basically everyone lmao it’s a huge jumble of thai, english, and italian. because sometimes it’s easier to just write down a concept in english rather than have to translate it back to your native language! also while I was there I spent a day with an american friend and when we were saying goodbye to each other this literally happened: “well have a safe trip home!! I’ll see you….. um…. dopo… dopo.. dopo.. LATER! LATER!! I’LL SEE YOU LATER”
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Fbi, Gucci, and Heroin: WANTED By the Drug Enforcement Administration Name: Frank Larry Matthews Aliases: FRANK McNEAL, PEEWEE, MARK III $20,000.00 REWARD 2o 8 4'9 SHERIFF CLARK CO PHOTO TAKEN 2/16/69 PHOTO TAKEN 1/5/73 Build: medium Hair: black Eyes: brown Complexion: clear Description: Age: 33, born 2/13/44 Height: 5'9" Place of Birth: Durham, N.C. Weight: 180 lbs. SS No.: 242-66-8429 Occupation: realtor Note: may have had plastic surgery Citizenship: U.S Ethnic Origin: Black American Remarks: A Federal Bench Warrant was issued on July 3, 1973, Eastern District of New York, charging Matthews with failure to appear after indictment for violation of 21 USC 846 Heroin Conspiracy Caution: this individual is reportedly in the company of two bodyguards and should be consid- ered armed and dangerous. The Drug Enforcement Administration has authorized the payment of $20,000.00 as a reward to anyone providing information dirctiyresuting in the apprehension of this subject. All such information will be kept strictly confidential. Peter B. Bensinger, Administratbr IF YOU HAVE INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON CONTACT DEA PRINCIPLE OFFICES ARE LISTED ON BACK. United States Department of Justice, Drug Enforcement Administration CIRCULAR NO. 17 FBI NO. 640 716D gucci-flipflops: Frank “Black Caesar” Matthews (born February 13, 1944) is a major heroin and cocaine trafficker who operated throughout the eastern seaboard during the late 1960s and early 1970s. At the peak of his career he operated in 21 states and supplied major dealers throughout every region of the country. Although there is more attention paid to other drug kingpins of the era, Frank Matthews is said by the DEA to be one of the most significant traffickers of the time. He led a flamboyant lifestyle, with large sable mink coats, prime seats at major sporting events, luxury vehicles, and regular trips to Las Vegas where he was treated like a king. Matthews would also become known for hosting a major African-American drug dealers “summit” in Atlanta in 1971In 1973, the DEA was set to arrest Matthews. Nothing is known of his disappearance, however, he was arrested in Las Vegas, NV - paid bail then disappeared and others say he fled the scene before the arrest. At the time, Matthews allegedly took 15–20 million dollars with him and fled the country, and was never seen again.

gucci-flipflops: Frank “Black Caesar” Matthews (born February 13, 1944) is a major heroin and cocaine trafficker who operated throughout th...

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