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The Lesbian Porn Mystery: ofgeography tumbl Follow ou think just because I'm a movie star Idont have feelings. Well, you're wrong! I do have IM AN ACTRESS HAVE ALL OF THEMI ofgeography so here's a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? mel i dol i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw Tirst wives club 2" on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAHIl FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!" NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUELII here's the synopsis for first wives club 2 disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands' new lovers under their wing. sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old. so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i'm starting to feel suspicious?? like it's really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they're alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY here's what i did not know about first wives club 2 It is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic. . so of course l, horrified that i've accidentally bought porn on my family's account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that's that EXCEPT, OF COURSE you have to pay for pay per view . so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and im sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we're just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, "okay, there's something we need to discuss. as a family .AS A FAMILY and im like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she's going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Eaned It Kiddo, and she puls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and Im like: OH NO. i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren't going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography? as a reminder, a quick table survey: my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent) my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent) my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent) me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography silence my mother said, Tm not going to ask again silence my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY my mother shook her head and put the bill down. this was incredibly inappropriate, she said. "skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. I'm not paying for it. what if molly had seen it? WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT? don't expose my kid to that crap. .DON'T EXPOSE MY KID TO THAT CRAP if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don't expect me to pay for it. i can't believe one of you did that in the living room. I CAN'T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT .IN THE LIVING ROOM but molly, why didn't you own up to it and explain that it was an accident? are you fucking kidding . .i did not want to go to porn prison the tin conclusion to this story เร that I never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for .my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wite's sister's my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister's husband's but molly, why don't you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn't real? are you fucking kidding this is the best thing rve ever done . Source belies myour girl #pom prison #molly writes things 445,020 notes The Lesbian Porn Mystery
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thefingerfuckingfemalefury: kylehasatumblr: eggplantusiv: probablychaoticgoodrpgideas: definitelybeholderrpgideas: probablygreenrpgideas: constantlyonfirerpgideas: probablyspacerpgideas: teenagerposts: chipthepunk: littleblackmariah: kingfisherfaker: gailsimone: morenamagia: equiusinamaidoutfit: eridanamporass: p41g3r4nk1n: listenforthesteel: Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls. Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them. Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it. The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.   On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill. SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST. Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn. my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap. The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.  A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since. Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE BOOST.FUCKING BOOST. ALWAYS REBLOG not blog related, but I’m not an asshole S I G N A L B O O S T keep your animal friends safe. Even a Beholder wouldn’t do this. Signal Boost I would not hesitate to drop anyone who would do this into the earth, s i g n a l b o o s t Signal boost This applies to humans, too. The first choice is fomepizole, but a lot of vets don’t keep it in stock. Barring that, clear alcohols like vodka or everclear are a standard treatment for methanol or ethylene glycol poisoning :(keep your smol and furry friends safe 3: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: kylehasatumblr: eggplantusiv: probablychaoticgoodrpgideas: definitelybeholderrpgideas: probablygreenrpgideas: constantlyonfirerpgideas: probablyspacerpgideas: teenagerposts: chipthepunk: littleblackmariah: kingfisherfaker: gailsimone: morenamagia: equiusinamaidoutfit: eridanamporass: p41g3r4nk1n: listenforthesteel: Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls. Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them. Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it. The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.   On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill. SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST. Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn. my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap. The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.  A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since. Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE BOOST.FUCKING BOOST. ALWAYS REBLOG not blog related, but I’m not an asshole S I G N A L B O O S T keep your animal friends safe. Even a Beholder wouldn’t do this. Signal Boost I would not hesitate to drop anyone who would do this into the earth, s i g n a l b o o s t Signal boost This applies to humans, too. The first choice is fomepizole, but a lot of vets don’t keep it in stock. Barring that, clear alcohols like vodka or everclear are a standard treatment for methanol or ethylene glycol poisoning :(keep your smol and furry friends safe 3
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princebxte: chipthepunk: littleblackmariah: kingfisherfaker: gailsimone: morenamagia: equiusinamaidoutfit: eridanamporass: p41g3r4nk1n: listenforthesteel: Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls. Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them. Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it. The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.   On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill. SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST. Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn. my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap. The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.  A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since. Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE BOOST.FUCKING BOOST. They did this recently in a town near me. They put nails in hot dogs and threw them into backyards as well as some rat poison. A lot of the neighbor dogs died… : princebxte: chipthepunk: littleblackmariah: kingfisherfaker: gailsimone: morenamagia: equiusinamaidoutfit: eridanamporass: p41g3r4nk1n: listenforthesteel: Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls. Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them. Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it. The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.   On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill. SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST. Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn. my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap. The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.  A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since. Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE BOOST.FUCKING BOOST. They did this recently in a town near me. They put nails in hot dogs and threw them into backyards as well as some rat poison. A lot of the neighbor dogs died…
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<p>His Wife Couldn’t Thank Him Enough For What He Did. But She Wasn’t Expecting His Reply.<br/><a href="http://daily-meme.tumblr.com"><span style="color: #0000cd;"><a href="http://daily-meme.tumblr.com/">http://daily-meme.tumblr.com/</a></span></a></p>: His Wife Couldn't Thank Him Enough For What He Did. But She Wasn't Expecting His Reply A married couple were in a terrible accident in which the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time l see your mother kiss you on the cheek." <p>His Wife Couldn’t Thank Him Enough For What He Did. But She Wasn’t Expecting His Reply.<br/><a href="http://daily-meme.tumblr.com"><span style="color: #0000cd;"><a href="http://daily-meme.tumblr.com/">http://daily-meme.tumblr.com/</a></span></a></p>
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