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Being Alone, Bad, and Funny: reddit Hello, A few months ago l captured an American Cockroach in my studio apartment. In my apartment, I see a roach from time to time. Nota ton of bunches of roaches, like say, 2 or 3 a month. Most often I smashed them or sprayeda poison on them. But one time l thought, maybe this is a bad thing? Why should a roach be killed ust because it is a bug? Well I decided to capture that roach and I made him my pet. I name him Big Alan I keep Big Alan in a little aquarium, but I also take him out a lot to hold him, pet him, speak to him, etc. Well, let me tell you in my life I have had only3 dates, and before this new date my last prior date was in October 2009. So may I say that, of course, I admit I was very nervous to go on this new date I find that Big Alan keeps me very calm when I have him with me. He is like a good luck charm of sorts, and as my pet he is my good friend, so l know that if he is with me I am not alone. It may seem silly but it is like he is a courage bug So on my date I kept Big Alan in my front shirt pocket, and I put bacon bits in there so he would have a good meal and he would be distracted b that and not crawl awav. Well it did not work exactly this way. You see, a roach like Big Alan has very long antennae. If you have ever seen a cockroach you know that's a fact. Well at some point I guess this damned rascal was tired of his bacon bits and his antennae were poking up out of my pocket. Well I have to tell you that she did see this. I did not want to cause a fright so l explained it is just my pet, and I took Big Alan out of my pocket to show her. Well let me tell you she did react very oorly to this, and even screamed. And everyone turned and saw I had a roach in my hands and just about everyone reacted very badly. I had to explain to everyone he is just my pet. Well I was finding this extremely embarrassing and also l feared for the safety of Big Alan to be honest. So I ran out of that place. Yes, ran. Well now I am quite shamed and angered by all of this. I have resolved I will not do any more dates. That's for sure. But I wish Big Alan had not poked his antennae out. He didn't know the deal but even so T am slightly annoyed at him. I know this is unfair. But it's how I feel. tripropellant: mysteryho: yeezusplease: big alan did nothing wrong i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality telling an ambling story this is such a powerful example of how tone and phrasing can be jokes on their own. if this guy wrote this like a normal person it’d be mildly funny but mostly a little sad but because he wrote it how he did it’s indescribably funny

tripropellant: mysteryho: yeezusplease: big alan did nothing wrong i like how this is written like an american 1950s radio personality t...

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Ass, Baseball, and Fall: jpg (46 KB, 1024x683) No.46363786 Anonymous 18 min. ago >be me >working register at mcd's like a fucking wagie mom and son come up >absolute units, their hands were fucking round perfectly fucking round, like a baseball little blob holding a small fish bowl, maybe they came back from Walmart after getting a fish poor fish, probably doesn't even get his ration of the fish food one of those families that has each family member go up to order for themselves hate these kinds of families mama blob starts ordering out of breath from standing in line >slams her elbows down onto the counter to rest while ordering could have fucking swore i heard the counter rumble yaah *pant* could i have a *pant* ahhhhh *pant* big Mac *pant* make that two actually... *pant* no three.... and a *pant* basket of fries and *pant* a large diet coke sweat beads fall down from her chins onto the table breathes in sharply struggles to take elbows off of table finally accomplishes the task finally accomplishes the task two huge wet marks take up the register section those are her fucking elbows her elbows actually fucking sweated little blob comes up to order "can i have 2 big Macs pant* a basket of fries.. *pant* make that two actually *pant* and a large diet Coke *pant* brings fish bowl out onto counter "and... *pant* fill this up *pant* with chocolate *pant* milkshake >a fucking fishbowl sorry, our largest size is a large. we cannot fill things that aren't McDonalds cups mama blob starts throwing a tantrum "HE WANTS HIS FUCKING MILKSHAKE SO GIVE IT TO HIM" maam, we cann >"LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR GOD DAMN MANAGER go get manager >he just repeats what I said tells her she can buy about 10 large milkshakes to fill it if she wants "DAS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!" "TOO MUCH CALORIES!!!" >me and manager stare at each other did she really just say that mama blob sees us looking at each other cont. whole restaurant has been quiet this whole time just looking at us >mama blob hears something turns her body to look backward >a gentle greasy breeze hits me >sees a couple people snickering turns back around "YOURE EMBARRASSING ME!!" >me and manager stay silent tears start to well up in her eyes could have just been sweat though face turns redder grabs her son's hand "WE'RE NEVER EATING HERE AGAIN!" >something deep down told me that wasn't true >pulls her son's hand waddles out hear her panting as she opens the door notice something >me and manager both notice it look at each other there was something brown in the middle of Hammy's ass could it be could it fucking be look at her legs brown liquid streaking the inside of her right leg >she sharted >she actually fucking sharted and left a brown trail had to febreeze the fuck out of that place for 5 minutes janitor almost puked cleaning it up Hammy & Boy: A Shitty Quest for Fishbowl Milkshake
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Andre 3000, Complex, and Dope: Ballerific Kicks: Andre 3000 Drops Tretorn Collaboration @balleralert Ballerific Kicks: Andre 3000 Drops Tretorn Collaboration- blogged by @niksofly ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Andre3000 teamed up with Swedish shoe company- Tretorn as a creative director earlier this year. Now the iconic artist and 1-2 of the legendary duo Outkast will release a new footwear collection. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The “I, André Benjamin will not draw in class” collection is a capsule collection featuring 10 designs that were inspired by Tretorn's prep legacy. With quilted suede designs, Velcro high-tops to rugby-like shoes, the diverse designs make this collection a must-have. Ranging from $85- $250, these kicks are as affordable as they are dope. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In a statement from the brand, Andre stated, “Growing up, we'd all put our personal stamp onto the blank canvas of the Nylite and I'd sketch out my own designs. This collaboration felt like fun because it brought me back to that place of personalizing these original designs.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ These beauties dropped at Complex Con this previous weekend. You copping or nah?

Ballerific Kicks: Andre 3000 Drops Tretorn Collaboration- blogged by @niksofly ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Andre3000 teamed up with Sw...

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Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer puppies to an aspiring photographer DrSmashlove So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂
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Being Weird, Birthday, and Church: HAP ST.JO ST RACYLCHRISTIANSON WWw.PoRTR cww.RISTT RAITSOESAINTS.COM <p><a href="http://stillwaitingforaliens.tumblr.com/post/162206601056/libertarirynn-portraitsofsaints-happy-birthday" class="tumblr_blog">stillwaitingforaliens</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/162205580869/portraitsofsaints-happy-birthday-the-nativity-of" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://portraitsofsaints.tumblr.com/post/162198615092/happy-birthday-the-nativity-of-st-john-the" class="tumblr_blog">portraitsofsaints</a>:</p> <blockquote> <h2>HAPPY BIRTHDAY<br/>The Nativity of St. John the Baptist<br/>Saint John the Baptist</h2> <p><b>Died: 30 AD<br/>Feast day: June 24 (birth) August 29 (death)<br/>Patronage: convulsions, epilepsy, hailstorms, baptism, converts, lambs, Jordan<br/><br/>John the Baptist was the son of Zachary and Elizabeth and cousin of Jesus. John began his ministry around age 27, preaching a message of repentance to the people of Jerusalem. He converted many and prepared the way for the coming of Jesus. He Baptized Christ, after which he stepped away and told his disciples to follow Jesus. Imprisoned by King Herod and was beheaded.</b></p> <p><a href="https://www.portraitsofsaints.com/collections/all/all-images-st-john-the-baptist"><b>{website}</b></a></p> </blockquote> <p>Idk about Catholics but the Orthodox have like 4 or 5 feast days for St. John, including a few foe discoveries and rediscoveries of his head.</p> </blockquote> <p>I’m Roman Catholic, and I’d love to hear more about these Orthodox feast days for St. John’s head.</p> </blockquote> <p>We celebrate five feast days for St. John the Baptist: his birth, his death, and the first, second, and third finding of his precious head (I’m not being weird they literally call it “precious head”). </p><blockquote><p>First and Second Finding of the Head of St. John the Baptist (February 24). According to church tradition, after the execution of John the Baptist, his disciples buried his body at Sebaste, but Herodias took his severed head and buried it in a dung heap. Later, Saint Joanna, who was married to Herod’s steward,[6] secretly took his head and buried it on the Mount of Olives, where it remained hidden for centuries. </p><p>The First Finding occurred in the fourth century. The property on the Mount of Olives where the head was buried eventually passed into the possession of a government official who became a monk with the name of Innocent. He built a church and a monastic cell there. When he started to dig the foundation, the vessel with the head of John the Baptist was uncovered, but fearful that the relic might be abused by unbelievers, he hid it again in the same place it had been found. Upon his death, the church fell into ruin and was destroyed.</p> <p>The Second Finding occurred in the year 452. During the days of Constantine the Great, two monks on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem reportedly saw visions of John the Baptist, who revealed to them the location of his head. They uncovered the relic, placed it in a sack and proceeded home. Along the way, they encountered an unnamed potter and gave him the bag to carry, not telling him what it was. John the Baptist appeared to him and ordered him to flee from the careless and lazy monks, with what he held in his hands. He did so and took the head home with him. Before his death, he placed it in a container and gave it to his sister. After some time, a hieromonk by the name of Eustathius, an Arian, came into possession of it, using it to attract followers to his teaching. He buried the head in a cave, near Emesa. Eventually, a monastery was built at that place. In the year 452, St. John the Baptist appeared to Archimandrite Marcellus of this monastery and indicated where his head was hidden in a water jar buried in the earth. The relic was brought into the city of Emesa and was later transferred to Constantinople.</p> <p>Third Finding of the Head of St. John the Baptist (May 25). The head was transferred to Comana of Cappadocia during a period of Muslim raids (about 820), and it was hidden in the ground during a period of iconoclastic persecution. When the veneration of icons was restored in 850, Patriarch Ignatius of Constantinople (847-857) saw in a vision the place where the head of St. John had been hidden. The patriarch communicated this to the emperor Michael III, who sent a delegation to Comana, where the head was found. Afterwards, the head was again transferred to Nyc, and here on May 25, it was placed in a church at the court.</p></blockquote> (Source: Wikipedia)

stillwaitingforaliens: libertarirynn: portraitsofsaints: HAPPY BIRTHDAYThe Nativity of St. John the BaptistSaint John the Baptist Died: 3...

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Alive, Anaconda, and Bailey Jay: makaveli-immortalized: Tupac Shakur with Chi Modu Over the years, people have always said that my images of Tupac let them see a side of him beyond the Thug Life image, more about the human being. Before he was loved by the world, he was a young man trying to make his way in a society that is extremely cruel to the less fortunate. He made it his mission to speak for those in his community who needed to hear “keep your head up!” As I travel the globe, I’m amazed at how many people have told me that Tupac saved their lives. His words and passion inspired a generation, and these pictures that we created together help to keep that inspiration alive. It’s always sad when people die young, but if you leave behind the kind of legacy that Tupac did, you never actually die. You remain forever in the hearts and minds of people for generations to come. I knew that about him when we first spent time together in Atlanta, Georgia back in 1994. We both knew the importance of images and we set out to do a thorough job, not knowing what the future would hold. He died two years after that meeting in Atlanta, but his words and these images are all part of his lasting legacy. When I met him on location in Atlanta in ’94 he was quite cooperative and a really nice guy. It was a shoot for The Source magazine, and he arrived early. Tupac was the ultimate professional, and he respected my time and my skills. The public might not know that about him. They think he was just this crazy guy who had no real limits, but he completely understood who he was, and if he understood what you brought to the table, he was easy to deal with. In fact, we got along great. I think a lot of people want to buy into the ‘thug life’ image and the younger side of him, because he was still a young man. Let’s be clear, you kind of forget the ages of these folks. To be so prolific and so young, and have so much power — it’s hard to imagine Even with all the childishness — which I believe was age appropriate in a lot of ways—when you throw power and money in there, even with all that, he had a lot of care and love for his community and for the less fortunate. He always spoke on behalf of black people who were struggling. Even though he wrote songs that many would consider typical hip-hop party music, he also included a lot of black empowerment in his lyrics — “Brenda’s Got a Baby,” “Dear Mama” — which I believe is why women liked him. They loved him because he was real and he cared. We knew the silly side of him too, but who isn’t silly at the age of twenty five? So that never surprised me when he did the zany stuff. He was young and full of power in a world that’s biased against blacks, so what do you expect? Normally when I would see Tupac, I would always think of him being on blast — excited and moving at a hundred miles an hour. But when I first met him he wasn’t really like that. It’s funny how everyone always thinks about Tupac and the ladies, but I never really saw him chasing women that much. He was much more focused on his mission. I think that’s what made him stand out so much from his peers. Because while everybody was partying, this man was trying to make sure he created his legacy. And so here we are decades later talking about the man as if he’s still around. I don’t think you can take lightly the fact that this is two decades later and we’re still talking about this man. After we finished his first Source cover shoot in Atlanta, we went back to his home in Stone Mountain, GA to hang out. He called me aside and showed me his entire gun collection in his bedroom—all his AKs, banana clips, Glocks, everything. Then he moved a picture on the wall in his bedroom, revealing a bullet hole. This was from when he fired a shot in his bedroom because he was on probation and prohibited from going to the firing range. We all laughed afterwards. We would’ve all been in our 40s together, but he never got to his 40s, he didn’t even see his 30s with us. So that’s quite a body of work and experience that he put in during his short time on this Earth. He was one of the few stars who could cross over without compromising his roots. Tupac wasn’t going to compromise, that wasn’t him, but Versace still wanted to use him for their campaign. It’s funny when I see rappers trying to do that sort of thing. I think when you start to move in those commercial circles they make you change yourself to fit. You lose your authenticity, but Tupac wouldn’t allow that of himself. He took the streets with him wherever he went. The portrait shots of Tupac, like the one that’s on the cover of the book, were actually done with a 4x5 camera, which is a view camera. It’s the camera where you put the curtain over your head to focus. It’s large format. It sits on a tripod, and you put the film in, come out from behind the camera, you click it, then you switch the film. Kind of like the old style cameras. At that session in Atlanta, I photographed Tupac with my 4x5 with no assistant. It was just me and his people. When you shoot using a 4x5 you’re really very close to the subject. I was no more than three or four feet from him. I’m there but the gap between us is the camera, even though I’m right there with them. When you’re that close to someone frame after frame, that’s really how they get to know you. You’re almost breathing on each other, and I’m telling him, ‘Lift your head, bring your eyes down.’ I’m giving him instructions so he can look better. Once you spend hours with someone like that, you know them forever. I’m looking at every pore on your face. I’m on your team. In doing that first photo shoot in 4x5, I think that’s what made Tupac so comfortable with me because I was looking in his eyes, he was looking in mine at the same time, and real recognizes real. Once we got to that place we were cool. He gave me pictures he didn’t give anybody else and he said, ‘These are for you, Chi.’ Everybody knows the Thug Life Tupac, and we know that well. But they don’t know the Tupac in the quiet moments. Like that picture of him tying his bandana over his head, the profile shot. That’s an outtake. He was fixing his bandana with a cigarette in his mouth but he was relaxed enough around me where I could just photograph him. As a result you see a picture of a much more gentle Tupac. For me gentle and soft are not the same thing. Tupac was gentle but you wouldn’t dare step to him. He was prepared to take it where it needed to go. He wasn’t afraid. That’s who he was to me, and we got along from the first time we met. We were cool, so I got access to him that no one else could get. Tupac wanted me to shoot his album Me Against the World, he told me to get in touch with the art director in New York. By the time I went there to meet, they had already given the assignment to someone else. What’s funny is I had already taken what would later become the most iconic imagery of Tupac. So when you look at the more famous portraits of Tupac like him tying his bandanna and the Rolling Stone cover, I had already created those pictures before I went to meet the art director to discuss the album. No one knew at the time that the photos I took of him would be the images people remember and not the ones they used on the album. In a way you end up getting your justice if you wait long enough When I set out to take these photographs I knew they were important. I wanted to make sure the images stayed within the community. I wanted to make sure the person who created them was from the community. Historically that never really happens. Most of the visuals of the greats are owned and controlled by other people. That’s tricky because then they can put their interpretation on it. But when you look at my photographs, I’m there with them. I’m one of them even though I’m an observer. I was close enough to live it and I had the skills to document and record it. I had four sessions with him, and since we were close he let me in close. It’s friends hanging out with friends and there just happened to be a camera present. You can see the closeness and the warmth because I didn’t really look at my subjects as just celebrities. I saw them as young black guys like me. It allowed me to get closer and it allowed them to be comfortable and just be who they were. I offered no judgment. I was just there to document and make people look good. Even though I was the creator of these images, I’ve always felt more like the caretaker of them, because he was the world’s Tupac, not just my photo subject. He burned bright when he was here and his flame continues to glow. Thank you for being the voice of the voiceless, Tupac. Rest in peace, brother. Excerpted from Tupac Shakur: Uncategorized by Chi Modu, a 200-page hardcover book featuring over 100 powerful images of Tupac Shakur.

makaveli-immortalized: Tupac Shakur with Chi Modu Over the years, people have always said that my images of Tupac let them see a side of h...

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