🔥 Popular | Latest

Amazon, Drunk, and Internet: old man bangers @FindusPancake My mum was teaching first holy communion class, and a kid asked her "How many communions do vou have to do before you've eaten a whole Jesus?" 24/3/18, 8:48 am 10K Retweets 35.1K Likes sindri42: xanderbot13: gannayev: spiletta42: ragnell: danbensen: exxos-von-steamboldt: ralfmaximus: moogloogle: ralfmaximus: tobaeus: ralfmaximus: nyxetoile: antibutch: thats a valid question A communion wafer, according to the internet, is about .25g. Jesus was a healthy young man, who worked manual labor and walked everywhere. The average male in Biblical times was 5′1″ and about 110 pounds so call it 50kg or 50,000 grams. So 200,000 wafers to make up a whole Jesus. At one wafer a week that’s 3846 to eat a whole Jesus at weekly communion. If you went to Mass daily you could do it in under 550 years. 1000 communion wafers from Amazon costs $15, so acquiring a Jesus load would set you back about $3000 But that’s just the body. Jesus also bade his followers to drink his blood. How much of that Jesus communion wafer supply needs to be replaced with communion wine to account for his blood, and how much of that would need to be consumed to have drunk all his blood as well? The human body contains roughly 5 liters of blood. Communion wine costs about $66 for a case of 12 x 750 ml bottles (9000 ml). So half a case is 4500 ml, or close enough if Jesus was on the small side which is reasonable given what we know of the times. Thus, Jesus’ blood would be about 6 bottles of communion wine, costing $33. How much of his weight was his blood, now? We can bring down the wafer count. Osnap what an excellent question. Water has a specific gravity of 1.0 and weighs 1kg/liter. Wine has a specific gravity if 1.5 thus weighs 1.5kg per liter. 4.5L of wine would weigh 6.75kg or about 15 pounds. Reducing the wafer load by 6.75kg yields 43.25kg so call it 161,000 wafers or $2450 and change. @danbensen Full Metal Eucharist The Unholy Union of Catholic Tumblr and Math Tumblr This is one of those posts I will absolutely email to every pastor I know. @garpfloyd If you just buy a sack of wafers, that’s just bread. To get the transubstatntiation going you need to have a priest perform the full ritual over them. By which I mean an entire Mass for every like, plateful? If you cut out the songs and use pretty short readings you could probably get one churned out every half-hour or so…

sindri42: xanderbot13: gannayev: spiletta42: ragnell: danbensen: exxos-von-steamboldt: ralfmaximus: moogloogle: ralfmaximus: tob...

Save
Being Alone, Bored, and Cats: over here! i found someone with allergies! theycantalk.com aichu-chu-chu: willow-wanderings: theycantalk: allergies For anyone wondering why this happens: the body language cues that humans use to mean “I’m not interested in contact, please ignore me and leave me alone” are the same body language cues that cats use to say “I’m not a threat to you and we could chill together if you want.”The term “i speak cat” is kind of a misnomer because 95% of cat communication is NON-VOCAL.Cats who want to chill will look at you and then look away and/or blink slowly when you notice them staring. They will fold up their body to be smol and non-threatening. They will yawn and purr and act like they don’t care you’re there.All of these things say to a cat “we’re cool, bro, we should hang out.”Humans trying to avoid contact will adopt a closed body posture (legs close together, arms crossed, head down/slightly hunched over); to a cat that looks like trying to be smol and non-threatening.Humans trying to avoid contact will try to watch other people without the other person catching on to being watched. So they look and then immediately glance away when acknowledged; to a cat this says “yeah, I know you’re there but I’m ok with it, we’re cool.”Humans trying to avoid contact will keep fairly quiet and act bored to discourage interaction; to a cat that says “you can tell I’m totally ok with you being around because I’m not actively screaming and showing displeasure at your presence.”If you’re allergic to cats, learn some cat body language so you stop accidentally inviting cats for a snuggle when you actually want them to avoid you. I used to tell my friends that if you wanted the cat to avoid you, step one was to yell “KITTY!” and come running at her and try to pick her up without her permission. Et voila, the cat now wants nothing to do with you. They never believed me for some reason.

aichu-chu-chu: willow-wanderings: theycantalk: allergies For anyone wondering why this happens: the body language cues that humans use to ...

Save
Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower Routine NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013 23 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full exte...

Save
Saw, Roman, and Who: where is the body of Christ? Rare picture of a Roman soldier who saw that the body of Christ has disappeared (30-33 A.D) (colorised)

Rare picture of a Roman soldier who saw that the body of Christ has disappeared (30-33 A.D) (colorised)

Save
Dude, Fucking, and Gif: WillYouPressTheButton?.com I will not! You can shapeshift intout People will always know it's you any form you choose spaztomato13: wanderingwolfsbane: snippyschnapps: haiku-robot: rispahanguis: christiandevil7: nepetaloveme: tyfye49: kasaithederp: therapist-anon: cc-the-pathetic-nobody: chris-drawing-shack: weezy-pup: symmetrical-twin: perpetualcombustioninstruction: revereche: bogleech: elvenrainbow: shitsuren-chama: ocean-child-love: kaibas-paragraphical-mind: what-is-a-homestuck: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT “I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.” I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere,  every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will. I don’t see how this is much of a downside When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know That’s great but have you considered ~cosplay ~Halloween costumes ~acting ~cosplay ~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces ~cosplay ~cosplay ~COSPLAY Dude this would literally be a trangender or genderfluid’s dream. PUSH DA BUTTON I’ll be able to be a cat my whole life! Yas! you could be a fucking furry, enough said. YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TO PAY FOR TRANSPORTATION EITHER WANNA GO TO ANOTHER COUNTRY? BECOME AN ALBATROSS THEY FLY LONG DISTANCES ALL THE TIME OR HELL JUST BECOME A FUCKING DOLPHIN IF ITS ANOTHER CONTINENT Become a god. Just, become a god. Enough said. Snake, dragon, cat, lion, tiger, etc. *slams button* I could finally look in the mirror without gagging! :: presses button :: i could finally look in the mirror without gagging :: presses button ^Haiku^bot^7. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. | Welcome @image-transcribing-bot | Contact | HAIKU BOT NO | Good bot! | Meep morp! Zeet! Time to abuse THIS power This is always my go to answer when someone asks me about super powers. At least, the shapeshifting part anyway *SMASHES BUTTON* BEEEEEF
Save
Alive, Anaconda, and Animals: i-should-be-writing-rn: inlovewithaleheather: thecuckoohaslanded: gerbthenerd: alexander-lamington: thelizardprincess: biglawbear: blacksirencry: swaglexander-the-great: #That’s a#That’s a blue ringed octopus#You’re going to die do you realise that#It is literally one of the most deadly animals in the world#Not just in Australia or just in the ocean in THE WORLD#Put it DOWN#And go to a hospital jfc via platonic-rabbit  me tryna find out if this fool died “The blue-ringed octopus, despite its small size, carries enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes. Their bites are tiny and often painless, with many victims not realizing they have been envenomated until respiratory depression and paralysis start to set in.[8] No blue-ringed octopus antivenom is available yet, making it one of the deadliest reef inhabitants in the ocean.” Holy shit And this is why I don’t go in the ocean anymore Also the blue rings literally only show up when it is distressed so this person has angered it!!! You are in danger friend!!! Actually this guy keeps them as pets they’re on his instagram (william_exotique) and he frequently holds then and I just? Don’t know why? And also every picture or video he posts of them shows the blue rings so they’re always in distress I just do not understand why he’s doing this #AMY EXPLAIN HOW DUMB THIS GUY IS  I mean OP pretty much covered it.  A blue ringed octopus is almost on the level of CONE SNAIL on the list of things you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PICK UP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. But ask and you shall receive,  On this episode of “Fun Facts With Cuckoo,” DEAD.  YOU’RE DEAD.  EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN. There are many things that will kill you. [citation needed] There are fewer, but still many things that will kill you FAST. There are yet fewer things that kill you fast and by such an overwhelming margin of overkill that nervous laughter is our only solace in the dark of this terrible, surprisingly Lovecraftian world of unearthly horrors that we live in. Of the things that I know about which will kill you fast via just plain insultingly potent venom, which is a not insignificant number of things because I know a not insignificant number of things, there are about 3 things in the ocean – IN THE WHOLE OCEAN – which are so insanely, mind-bogglingly deadly that there is pretty much no possible hope for survival (I mean you CAN, but god help you if you’re ever in that situation, because god’s just about damn near the only thing that CAN help you).  THE. WHOLE. OCEAN. Those three things are the Irukandji (a tiny (1cm) species of box jellyfish, which has stingers not only on its tentacles but on its BELL, for reasons no one has definitively figured out, and is so toxic despite its size its sting can cause a severe brain hemorrhage), the cone snail (a group of carnivorous sea snails that is accepted to be the most venomous animals on earth, with a STUPIDLY fast acting and extremely powerful neurotoxin that has in at least one case killed a human ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, because the swimmer who found two beautiful shells (unfortunately cone snails tend to have very pretty shells which makes people want to pick them up) was holding them up for a picture and ended up being stabbed in the neck by not one but TWO cone snails at the same time, and it is believed that she was literally dead before she hit the ground, I mean LITERALLY in a 100% non-fictional and non-exaggerated way, in between the time the two cone snails stabbed her and the time her limp body hit the sand, she was not alive anymore), and the blue ringed octopus. It is POSSIBLE to survive any of these.  But not without immediate medical attention.  Of these three, the Irukandji is by far the most treatable, because Australia and other coastal regions (including Florida and other parts of the US) are kind of experienced in dealing with box jellyfish. The blue ringed octopus will fucking kill you.  There’s no antidote for their venom, ONE COMPONENT OF WHICH (tetrodotoxin) is 1200 times deadlier than cyanide.  It’s a powerful neurotoxin (most of the worst venoms are because the species that produce them need to kill or at least paralyze their prey quickly, like jellyfish whose fragile tentacles could be damaged if their food doesn’t stop struggling) that attacks the sodium channels and causes muscle paralysis.  It doesn’t necessarily kill you quickly.  It PARALYZES you quickly, so that you can’t really call for help or describe the problem, and you will probably end up slowly suffocating from a paralyzed diaphragm.  Tetrodotoxin can be metabolized by the body in a matter of hours, but it can also kill you in a matter of minutes if you get a lethal dose (which isn’t much, the LD50 or median lethal dose, the dose at which you have a 50% chance of survival, is only 8 MICROGRAMS per kilogram of body weight (as tested in mice)).  This is, by venom standards, not a large amount, which means the animal that is capable of putting this venom inside your body is very very good at killing the absolute shit out of you. DON’T TOUCH THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS. Now, because overkill is my motto, let me briefly explain why Conus geographus is the undisputed champion of YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, AND FURTHERMORE FUCK YOU FOR THINKING OTHERWISE. A cone snail walks into a bar.  You’d expect the bartender to ask, “what’s your poison,” but they were paralyzed before they could ask and OH LOOK they’re already FUCKING DEAD ON THE GROUND. Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and nature’s equivalent of Avada Kedavra.  Cone snails literally have their own KIND of toxins named after them: conotoxin.  Not only is there no antidote, but their venom AGGRESSIVELY RESISTS our ability to find a cure, because we barely understand how it works AND conotoxins are so internally varied, even within a single species, that any one antidote isn’t going to help because they’re constantly mutating and evolving their venom to prevent their prey from evolving a resistance to it.  Plus their venom is like, a bunch of different venoms all at once JUST IN CASE any one of them wasn’t good enough. I want you to read these two sentences from the wiki page on conotoxin: “Conotoxins have a variety of mechanisms of actions, most of which have not been determined.” “The LD50 of conotoxin is 50 ng/kg.” Remember how the LD50 of tetrodotoxin is 8μg/kg?  Conotoxin is 160 times more potent.  FIFTY NANOGRAMS PER KILOGRAM HAS A 50% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU. A 220-POUND HUMAN HAS A 50% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AGAINST JUST 5 MICROGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN.   I DID SOME MATH.   IT WOULD TAKE 7-9 MILLIGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN TO KILL A BLUE WHALE, THE HEAVIEST ANIMAL TO EVER LIVE. (based on weight estimates from 300-400,000 lbs.) Conus geographus is so fucking deadly that “In two cases of envenomation, only 0.0002-0.0005 mg resulted in severe paralysis.” THIS THING KILLS STUFF SO HARD THAT BEFORE YOU HEAR THE FIRST “MORTAL KOMBAT” IN THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME, THERE’S PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN A FATALITY. And guess what?  Cone snails don’t do that NOOB SHIT with the superficial biting or stinging.  Your wetsuit or gloves won’t protect you.  Because homeboy didn’t bring teeth to evolution’s knife fight.  Oh no.  It brought a motherfucking radula POISON HARPOON.  It’s lightning fast and has way more piercing power than some silly little cnidocytes or salivary bacteria. Another component of their venom is being researched for its potential as a pain reliever.  “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????” you might reasonably ask.  And you would be right to do so, because science has gone too far and has surely sinned against the very image of Mollusca Kedavra.  Well, it turns out the answer is “Research shows that certain component proteins of the venom target specific human pain receptors and can be up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine without morphine’s addictive properties and side-effects.”  That’s right, the part of their venom that SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T HURT YOU is up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine. Also, Conus geographus (along with one other cone snail species, C. tulipa) is the only known non-human animal to weaponize insulin.  In addition to the normal insulin that the snails produce for their own use, their bodies manufacture an ADDITIONAL insulin molecule that is similar to the kind produced in fish (which they eat) for the sole purpose of stunning their prey through hypoglycemic shock.  BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’D KILL YOU HARD ENOUGH OTHERWISE. IF you are going to survive the ALMIGHTY CONE SNAIL, WHO KNOWS NO FEAR, TRIUMPHANT HEDGEMON OF THE MOLECULAR ARMS RACE, TRUE BORN HEIR TO THE SCYTHE OF DEATH ITSELF, FISHSLAYER, GOD AMONG MOLLUSKS, WHOSE WRATH IS MERCIFUL ONLY IN ITS BREVITY, ADMIRABLE IN ITS BEAUTY AND UNSULLIED BY THE UNWORTHY TOUCH OF MORTAL HANDS OR SCALES OR REALLY ANYTHING IN RANGE OF ITS RADULA HARPOON, then literally the only thing that’s going to save you is for you to be kept alive artificially (externalizing your respiratory functions to force your body to continue breathing, basically) until the effects of the venom wear off.  And because of how quickly this venom acts, you need to get that medical attention VERY, VERY FAST. And if you don’t get it, you will still be conscious while the paralysis slowly suffocates you to death. Don’t touch the pretty shells. I’ve never been so intrigued to learn how easily I could be fucking exterminated from existence by the overpowered sea creatures of the world. You’ve done a better job at keeping my attention then any of my teachers ever have. You know what I’m putting this on the writing blog cause I personally can see potential in some fantasy villain attempting to weaponise cone snailsIn which case, all hail snail king 🐌
Save
Memes, Police, and English: EMILIANO SALA 1990-2019 MANITOU ERGIE Dorset Police have confirmed the body recovered from the wreckage of the plane found in the English Channel is that of Emiliano Sala. RIP.

Dorset Police have confirmed the body recovered from the wreckage of the plane found in the English Channel is that of Emiliano Sala. RIP.

Save
Children, Creepy, and Future: @creepy.enemies The big twist at the end of the movie Orphan, when you find out Esther is actually a 33-year-old woman with proportional hyperpituitary dwarfism who killed seven people is one of the best flip-reversal horror movies ever, but did you know that what the writers had planned for Esther was so, so much worse? The original plot was that Esther had been molested by her father for years, starting when she was an infant, which sexualized her at a very young age and destroyed any future chance of her having her own children. Her father later took another lover, telling Esther that, because of her condition, she could never be a real woman. She murdered them both and was ultimately sent to Saarne, a mental institution, but escaped and started working as a prostitute. When she was arrested for this, she kept up the pretense of being a child to stay out of jail and was sent to an orphanage. Esther sees herself as trapped inside the body of a child, and it disgusts her. She wants to 'grow up' and be a wife, a mother, and a lover (what her father considered a 'real woman'), and tries to find 'love' where she thought she'd had it as a child, with her new father. I just rewatched this movie and I stg it’s sooo good - - - creepy scary horror orphan dead creepyenemies horrormovies creepyfacts didyouknow funfact trivia

I just rewatched this movie and I stg it’s sooo good - - - creepy scary horror orphan dead creepyenemies horrormovies creepyfacts didyouknow...

Save