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Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul "Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks i dont shit that day next day i fiber myself up even more i dont shit that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore i dont shit the third day >i dont shit the fourth day thefinaldaydawns.mp3 si have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me it's whistling just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss suddenly stops the hole is plugged SOS >this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins a fart that could do more damage to thee ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets the smell is killing me blacking out the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg my guts are yelling in german sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly most of the shit isn't even digested at this point just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat after an hour it finally seems to be over sim shivering and crying both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet gondorcallsforaid.rar shakily wipe my ass completely clean feniczoroark: larjmarge: itsperegrine: the-mighty-birdy: carolina-viking: th3laugh1ngt0mat0: carolina-viking: Holy fucking shit I CANT BREATHE I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE Pretty sure this has the most notes of any of my posts gondorcallsforaid.rar I’m in a ball on my bed with tears streaming down my face If I have to read this, so do you. This is funnier than it should be Omfg
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Birthday, Grandma, and Homeless: Dwayne The Rock Johnson 2 hrs In Samoan culture we have a very special dance called the Taualuga" where the woman dances and she's honored by the men who dance birthday she danced her Taualuga while I proudly danced around her while she laughed and beamed with pride. She had the greatest 80th birthday and her smile was from ear to ear. My grandmother, Lia Maivia was a strong willed, highly respected and tough pioneer in the world of pro wrestling, becoming wrestling's first successful female promoter. But when we hit hard times and were evicted from our apartment, shortly after that my grandmother became homeless. When I finally could afford it, I bought her a place of her very own that she LOVED. I would always ask her after that, "Grandma are you happy?". To which she'd call me by my Samoan name and say, "Tuife'ai Im so happy. thank you.. oh and can you please sing that song I like.." Ha! I'd start singin' away (off key of course) and she'd laugh and smile from ear to ear. A few months after this picture was taken, my grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep. I know we all experience loss and it's so tough to deal with. but for the rest of my life l'l be grateful for the one of a kind lessons only our grandparents can teach us. Miss you grandma and I hope you hear me cause I'm still quietly singin' away to you (off key of course:)... Misiga tele 'oe Grandma, alofa tele atu mo 'oe lividlovers: mumblesbot: jaythenerdkid: weallheartonedirection: The Rock people ask why I cape so hard for him this is why i like how the rock asks the women he cares about if they’re happy. ive seen a story like this about his mom where he asked if she was happy. it’s just a nice thing to ask a woman, i think.  You will literally never have a better reason to cry

lividlovers: mumblesbot: jaythenerdkid: weallheartonedirection: The Rock people ask why I cape so hard for him this is why i like how t...

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The Rock, Nature, and Today: Dwayne The Rock Johnsons daughter just came to the world today. He posted this photo saying Tiana Gia Johnson came into this world like a force of nature

Dwayne The Rock Johnsons daughter just came to the world today. He posted this photo saying Tiana Gia Johnson came into this world like a fo...

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Dad, David Bowie, and Scare: nitewrighter You know that whole trope where like, the protagonists get teleported up into the aliens' spaceship or base or whatever and the alien appears to them only it doesn't appear as it really looks like but rather, since it doesn't want to scare the protagonists, it takes the form of something we find familiar and pleasing and is like, "T look like your dad or whatever-is this form okay? Like I think about that trope a lot and I think like, what if the alien couldn't pick out a form via telepathy and only had earth media to try and decide what form would scare its human guests least and be accepted almost immediately and honestly the more I think about it the more options for what form that might be are just really fun to me T have chosen the form of your earth playwright and composer Lin-Manuel Miranda-do not be afraid.I come in peace. Greetings. I am Glofnorbo of the cloud you call the Pegasus Nebula.' I have scanned your earth media from afar and empirically decided that you would find the form of the one known as Dwayne The Rock Johnson most pleasing. I have come to confer with your leaders." "Do not be panic. I come in peace. I have assumed the form of your insectoid demigoddess Hatsune Miku' so that we may communicate peacefully without my true form horrifying you." nineprotons It was decided that I would assume the form of your Mister Rogers in order to best welcome your world to the galactic neighborhood without frightening your kind." gentlemanbones ...So did your colleague take on the form of Jack Black for that reason too? "No, that is the actual Jack Black. We do not know how to make him leave. Source nitewrighter 104,578 notes Youre greeted by David Bowie. Not an imitation, not a resurrection, he just went back to his spaceship.

Youre greeted by David Bowie. Not an imitation, not a resurrection, he just went back to his spaceship.

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