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Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and I feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more. -biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone. I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was still extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught. I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball. feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that), but that's not the point. Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I havea crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush]. And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires. darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot. lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" The Zero Fucks Given crowd
Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to school and it was missing, so I just sat on the floor and read my book until the teacher came in and made them put it back. I realize now they were trying to trick me into go into the boys bathroom, but no one actually told me that's where my desk was, and it didn't occur to me to ask Looking back I realize they had to make the effort to get to school early to move it, and l feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more biggest-gaudiest-patronuse:s In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse set in for show in tell. the ball went missing during class time and at the end of the day we all had to check our bookbags to look for it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to go home), but that evening I found it at the bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and never told anyone I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke put it there to frame me, and he was still extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball. feral-renaissance-cat I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten and made NO attempts to hide it because the people on TV were always telling each other when they liked each other. Didn't work as well as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy wanted to hang out with me ever after that) but that's not the point Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crush] And?" Dude turns around and yells to my crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!" My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I know. Everyone knows. Thanks." So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in front of everyone but it completely backfired because I lack the social filter necessary to feel ashamed of my base desires darkhumourandfandoms One time in like kindergerden some kid stole my shoe and instead if reacting I just went the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it. He got bored of no reaction and just dropped the shoe but by then I was too committed and continued to walk around barefoot lycant-guy22 Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of "fucks given" biggest-gaudiest-patronuses damn right we did Source: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses No fucks given
Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC Guys this is the true crime story of the decade: Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air. This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip every now and then - just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for... something. Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened. Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium The next train stop was five minutes away. 💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

💨 @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! 👺😂

Bad, Cute, and Fucking: wittyusernamed My buddy read an article about octopus intelligence. It was feeding time, and the handler dumped some shrimp into an octopus' tank. Then he went into another room and sat at his desk. A while later, a shrimp was tossed onto his desk The octopus, upon finding one bad shrimp in the lot, had grabbed it, escaped its tank, crossed the hall, and threw the expired shrimp at its caretaker. Not only does this showcase their problem-solving capabilities, but also that it could have escaped at any time. It just broke out this time to chuck an off shrimp in indignation at its handler. That's not just intelligence, that's a human-like reaction. Kinda make you wonder exactly how smart these guys can be.. queensjenn OH MY GOD roseweasley7 I went to the aquarium once and we had a tour and we walked past the octopus tank and it was duct taped shut so l asked why and the guy was like. "Well, we had a problem before because these fish were disappearing randomly at night and we had no idea why. Turns out the octopus had memorised the night guards rounds and would creep out of its tank, crawl across the floor to the fish tank, have a little snack and be back in its own tank with the lid shut before the guard came back." they are super smart dominawritesthings I love octopuses so, so much. cassandrashipsit I am both delighted and FUCKING TERRIFIED. ze-witch-arteest Once I went to the aquarium where they had a baby pacific red octopus in a tank. I had gone there to work on a few real life sketches, obviously I wanted to do one of an octopus. So I kinda just kneeled in front of the tank, and started sketching The octopus didn't mind, he sat happily. Then, 5 minutes later, he started moving to the front of the tank, where I was. This tiny octopus faces me directly and starts posing. I don't know how other to explain it but he started curlung his tentacles in this really graceful way then wouldn't move for a few minutes. Then again, a new pose. That tiny cute motherfucker More laughs at FUNsubstance.com Prankster Gangster
Chicago, Dad, and Friends: Eileen Webb @webmeadow Here's a true story about my dad. whenl was little, we were on a beach in Oregon and he found a message in a bottle. The note contained an address, with a plea in a young boy's handwriting to senda postcard and let him know how far the bottle had traveled 6:11 PM- Jan 9, 2019 Twitter Web Client 3.8K Retweets 2.8KLikes Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Replying to @webmeadow It had very clearly been thrown in the ocean from the nearby crab docks. It probably traveled a whopping 1/2 mile before washing up in the sand. He decided to wait until we got back to California to send the postcard, so it would seem like the bottle floated all the way south. 3 t 39 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h The postcard ended by saying "I threw the bottle back in the ocean for someone else to find!" Then he shared the address with his brother, who sent a similar postcard from Seattle a few weeks later. His postcard ended the same way L 26 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h They did this for DECADES, sending postcards to this kid from all the places they traveled, always saying they were throwing the bottle back in the water. Mexico, Alaska, Boston, Florida, London! "I found it in the Thames!" 2 th 36 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Sometimes he'd recruit friends, so that the handwriting didn't always match. He sent that kid postcards from Chicago, from Paris, from landlocked towns in Wisconsin and Oklahoma. He kept the address in his wallet, though it didn't really matter because he'd memorized it long ago 2 th 26 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Somewhere out there a grown man from Tacoma has hundreds of postcards in my dad's scratchy handwriting. If there was a way he could do a good deed *while also being slightly mischievous*, he was all in. That's the kind of guy he was 112 O 6.3K positive-memes:I threw it back into the ocean

positive-memes:I threw it back into the ocean

Chicago, Dad, and Friends: Eileen Webb @webmeadow Here's a true story about my dad. whenl was little, we were on a beach in Oregon and he found a message in a bottle. The note contained an address, with a plea in a young boy's handwriting to senda postcard and let him know how far the bottle had traveled 6:11 PM- Jan 9, 2019 Twitter Web Client 3.8K Retweets 2.8KLikes Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Replying to @webmeadow It had very clearly been thrown in the ocean from the nearby crab docks. It probably traveled a whopping 1/2 mile before washing up in the sand. He decided to wait until we got back to California to send the postcard, so it would seem like the bottle floated all the way south. 3 t 39 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h The postcard ended by saying "I threw the bottle back in the ocean for someone else to find!" Then he shared the address with his brother, who sent a similar postcard from Seattle a few weeks later. His postcard ended the same way L 26 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h They did this for DECADES, sending postcards to this kid from all the places they traveled, always saying they were throwing the bottle back in the water. Mexico, Alaska, Boston, Florida, London! "I found it in the Thames!" 2 th 36 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Sometimes he'd recruit friends, so that the handwriting didn't always match. He sent that kid postcards from Chicago, from Paris, from landlocked towns in Wisconsin and Oklahoma. He kept the address in his wallet, though it didn't really matter because he'd memorized it long ago 2 th 26 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Somewhere out there a grown man from Tacoma has hundreds of postcards in my dad's scratchy handwriting. If there was a way he could do a good deed *while also being slightly mischievous*, he was all in. That's the kind of guy he was 112 O 6.3K positive-memes: I threw it back into the ocean

positive-memes: I threw it back into the ocean

Chicago, Dad, and Friends: Eileen Webb @webmeadow Here's a true story about my dad. whenl was little, we were on a beach in Oregon and he found a message in a bottle. The note contained an address, with a plea in a young boy's handwriting to senda postcard and let him know how far the bottle had traveled 6:11 PM- Jan 9, 2019 Twitter Web Client 3.8K Retweets 2.8KLikes Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Replying to @webmeadow It had very clearly been thrown in the ocean from the nearby crab docks. It probably traveled a whopping 1/2 mile before washing up in the sand. He decided to wait until we got back to California to send the postcard, so it would seem like the bottle floated all the way south. 3 t 39 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h The postcard ended by saying "I threw the bottle back in the ocean for someone else to find!" Then he shared the address with his brother, who sent a similar postcard from Seattle a few weeks later. His postcard ended the same way L 26 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h They did this for DECADES, sending postcards to this kid from all the places they traveled, always saying they were throwing the bottle back in the water. Mexico, Alaska, Boston, Florida, London! "I found it in the Thames!" 2 th 36 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Sometimes he'd recruit friends, so that the handwriting didn't always match. He sent that kid postcards from Chicago, from Paris, from landlocked towns in Wisconsin and Oklahoma. He kept the address in his wallet, though it didn't really matter because he'd memorized it long ago 2 th 26 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Somewhere out there a grown man from Tacoma has hundreds of postcards in my dad's scratchy handwriting. If there was a way he could do a good deed *while also being slightly mischievous*, he was all in. That's the kind of guy he was 112 O 6.3K I threw it back into the ocean

I threw it back into the ocean

Chicago, Dad, and Friends: Eileen Webb @webmeadow Here's a true story about my dad. whenl was little, we were on a beach in Oregon and he found a message in a bottle. The note contained an address, with a plea in a young boy's handwriting to senda postcard and let him know how far the bottle had traveled 6:11 PM- Jan 9, 2019 Twitter Web Client 3.8K Retweets 2.8KLikes Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Replying to @webmeadow It had very clearly been thrown in the ocean from the nearby crab docks. It probably traveled a whopping 1/2 mile before washing up in the sand. He decided to wait until we got back to California to send the postcard, so it would seem like the bottle floated all the way south. 3 t 39 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h The postcard ended by saying "I threw the bottle back in the ocean for someone else to find!" Then he shared the address with his brother, who sent a similar postcard from Seattle a few weeks later. His postcard ended the same way L 26 O 1.1K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h They did this for DECADES, sending postcards to this kid from all the places they traveled, always saying they were throwing the bottle back in the water. Mexico, Alaska, Boston, Florida, London! "I found it in the Thames!" 2 th 36 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Sometimes he'd recruit friends, so that the handwriting didn't always match. He sent that kid postcards from Chicago, from Paris, from landlocked towns in Wisconsin and Oklahoma. He kept the address in his wallet, though it didn't really matter because he'd memorized it long ago 2 th 26 1.4K Eileen Webb @webmeadow 20h Somewhere out there a grown man from Tacoma has hundreds of postcards in my dad's scratchy handwriting. If there was a way he could do a good deed *while also being slightly mischievous*, he was all in. That's the kind of guy he was 112 O 6.3K I threw it back into the ocean

I threw it back into the ocean