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Todays

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Posts
Posts

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And

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Oh My Gods
Oh My Gods

Oh My Gods

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Drugs, Funny, and Heaven: promised to take them to his planet Florida couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven A couple in Florida, Tito and Amanda me some money to go to outer space Watts, were arrested a few days ago for I met an alien named Stevie, who sald selling golden tickets to heaven to hu They sold the tickets on the street for his planet that is made entirely of drugs 99.99 (about sh390,000) per ticket, told You should arrest lesus because he is the if I got the cash together he woulkd take me and my wife on his lying saucer to s of the tickets were made from sold one that gave me the golden tickets. I anm and that each ticket reserved the willing to wear a wire and set lesus up uyer a spot in heaven simply present In her police statement, Amanda Warts the ticket at the pearly gates and you are said: "We just wanted to leave earth and in. Tho Watts said in his police statement "T do not care what the Police say, The heaven. I just watched tickets are solid gold. And it was Jesus Police said they coniscaned over who gave them to me behind the KPC 10,000 (sh39m) in cash, drug and told me to sell them so I could get paraphemalia and a baby aligator go to space and do drugs. I did not do anything Tho sold the golden tickets o loloftheday If you think the headline is funny, read the article. <p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/175916056428/floridians-at-it-again" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Floridians at it again</p></blockquote>

<p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/175916056428/floridians-at-it-again" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Floridians...

Advice, Bad, and Best Buy: File: krabs wtf jpg (180 KB, 1433x1061) Anonymous 07/17/18(Tue)23:21:13 No.66781994 [Reply667825766678430066784319 >be me Sworking closing shift at shitty job selling shitty laptops and other shitty tech at local office supply chain old couple shambles in >herewego.jpg >cue the "Hi! How may I help you?" bullshit old lady says "We'd like to look at your laptops." >"Alright then. Here's what we have. Do you guys have any questions about them?" >"Well, we've been over at Best Buy..." Seyeroll.gif husband cuts in "He told us to get a Chromebook!" y tho lady says "Yeah, with 8 gigabytes." assume she means 8gb of RAM "Our chromebooks only have 4 gigabytes of RAM. In fact, most of our computers only have 4 gigs-" (Told you the laptops were shitty)"-but we do have a handful that have 8. "What happens if we run out? >wut.butt wrack my brain trying to figure out what the fuck just came out of this lady's mouth realize she means run out of RAM >"I mean, for most people just running word processors and surfing the internet, 4 gigs is going to be plenty "Well the guy at Best Buy told us we should get 8 gigabytes because we could run out if we only get 4. He said that just starting up the computer will take up 2 or 3 gigabytes, then we could run out while using the computer excuseme mfw What the fuck even? They ended up not buying anything, but what the fuck even? How did "the guy at Best Buy" reach that conclusion? What is taught in their training? For the record, this isn't the first time a customer has come in and been given bad advice from "the guy at Best Buy."
Bad, Bad Bitch, and Bitch: File: high_altitude_swingking ipg (6 KB, 183x275) Anonymous 07/17/18(Tue)10:52:44 No.774585309 >Be Me >6 yrs. old, in 1st grade of school >Recess time begins >Fuck veah >Friends and I decide to go swing on the swingset >Catch in the corner of my eye the retarded girl in the class approaching us >Says she wants to swing with us >Basically say "Well too fuckin bad, bitch! we got here first and there's no open swings" >She replies with something like HURR DURR thats ok I can push you guys instead" >Thinking to myself wtf? she serious? >She's DEAD serious >she starts to walk behind me so she can "help" push me on the swing Oh shit, she really aint pussyfooting around >Mind you at this point I'm swinging at peak altitude almost exactly like the pic >Quickly come to the conclusion I'm about to kick this fkn retard straight in the face like a damn ninja turtle flying off a trebuchet if she don't move >scream "YO MOVE OUT THE WAY IM SWINGING TOO HIGH YOULL GET HIT!" >she answers with some shit like "it OK I ready to push you!" >as Im coming back on the down swing like in pic, I just accept the fact that natural selection must do its thing and embrace myself for impact >FWOOM! POW! Right in the kisser! and she does a perfect backflip before hitting the ground Instantly feel like shit, not just cuz I full-fledged swing kicked a retard unintentionally, but cuz now Ill probably get in trouble and put on the Bad Behavior Traffic light(Green-Warned, Yellow-Keep it up see what happens, Red-told you not to fuck with me kid, go to the office!) >She gets up and is still stunned and disoriented, doesn't know what the fuck just hit her, too shocked to even cry, but her nose is gushing blood like a waterfall OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT! >I'm going to jail >Recess bell rings that it's over and time to go back to class >Hop off swing set and sprint inside before her wrangler see's that she's obliterated >No one ever finds out it was me, everyone thinks she just fell or some shit and she too dumb to snitch >Realize l was saved by the bell >True Story