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Diss, Donald Trump, and Eminem: Barack Obama rewarding Eminem for his brave diss track against Donald Trump (2018, colorized)

Barack Obama rewarding Eminem for his brave diss track against Donald Trump (2018, colorized)

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Energy, Fuck You, and Fucking: I'm All In On This Guy Selling Energy Drinks Filled With Crystal Meth And Gasoline Out Of His Tree Fort Humor, News May 6, 2015 at 2:24 pm by Zach County Sherift's Office 72-year-old Jasper June, of Boone County, West Virginia was arrested on charges of making and selling his homemade energy drinks containing meth out of his tree fort. (A fucking tree fort, how great is this guy)? When police showed up, they found June wearing an adult diaper and browsing through an Arabic porno magazine. Police tested 25 bottles of his energy drink, each of which contained meth Police discovered June's practice after several high school girls had to be hospitalized for internal bleeding after consuming the drinks This is what June had to say about the drinks: They're just energy drinks like Rockstar or Monster. It's not meth in there. It's just lemonade, caffeine, sugar and a couple drops of gasoline. I swear to God I didn't put meth in there." He then back tracked and went with this version Okay, I put just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they'll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle Well if there's one thing we know, it's that these energy drinks are gonna work. Nothing will get you jacked up like a little meth, gasoline, and human urine. Bottom line is when you buy a product, you want it to work. And if these little high school bitches want to run and be narks after purchasing a quality working energy drink for the bargain price of only 20 bucks, then I have no words. Plus, if you're them and you see this guy, selling this drink, and you still buy it, that's on you. I just love everything about Jasper June and his retail business. He read pornos in a foreign language while wearing his diaper, and when police ask about his product, he is adamant that there is no meth in there, only gasoline. And then when forced to confess, he throws a big fuck you in there and tells everyone these girls drank his piss too lcing on the cake PS- How perfect is this guy's name and where he's from? Jasper June from Boone County, West Virginia selling meth out of his tree fort. Energy drink made with gasoline, meth, lemonade and a little something special
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Anaconda, Animals, and Bad: oo US. Cellular - 10:38 AM 0 100% acutelesbian A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover's once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes fat-thin-skinny this fucks me up every single time acutelesbian I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I've written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I o0 U.S. Cellular I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I've written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class 10:38 AM 100% After my teacher introduced us to this theory she asked us, "is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?" We were all a bunch of teenagers. urally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we'd never have a lasting relationship of any sort. She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the "feeling of love" had vanished or faded and they weren't happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation. The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, eeeoo U.S. Cellular 10:38 AM 100% bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with The divorced ones said they chose to walk away Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I've never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I've chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again. fr3ight-train This is so fucking important and I think it's something I needed right novw Since you've been gone Source: acutelesbian 1,226,982 notes Is Love a Feeling or a Choice?
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Dad, Disney, and Life: nilesymon i wonder if magic is real, but only in a really mundane way. when i was little i could almost inerringly switch back to disney channel right as the ads ended when i was channel surfing maybe youve never accidentally crushed a ladybug underfoot. maybe your microwave popcorn never burns maybe you can spin around lots and lots of times before you get dizzy. is that magic?? honestly im not sure if these are magic or just small, invisible skills. im not sure which i like better My ankles never twist. I've always been rather active, I did track for five years (all the running events), and one time while running I stepped in a hole, lost my shoe, and landed sprawling about five feet away. I pulled my shoe on and kept running I have a coworker who somehow makes better coffee than everyone else even though the grounds come pre-measured and all you have to do is load them up and push a button. I have a friend who has inch long nails that never break. My brother can copy origami just by looking at the finished product and my mother can do the same with knots. I knew a guy who never made an error when typing Maybe we all have little magics, the kind that you don't realize you have. Just tiny things that make your life slightly better but are completely unnoticed on the outside. this is the cutest post i have ever read... Nooo I've actually shared this theory before. Like my Dad is really lucky finding parking spaces. And I've never cracked my phone even though I drop it on the time and have an average case. Like what if everybody gets one trivial part of their life that they're illogically lucky at? Non-stop fun at FUNsubstance.com Magic

Magic

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Alive, Facts, and Love: STORICAL | "Victoria Woodhull, prostitute, spiritualist, STERICAL Wall Street broker, publisher of a national FACTS newspaper, ran for President of the United States against Ulysses S. Grant and Horace Greeley in 1872," notes Irving Wallace. "Her platform supported free love, short skirts, abolition of the death penalty, vegetarianism, excess-profit taxes, birth control, better public housing easier divorce laws, world government, and female orgasm."Truly a woman ahead of her time. mollokoplus: mugglebornandraised: tadeuszkosciuszkoscoffee: reservoircat: captainscullyful: characterflaws: misslunasapphire: gerutha: phoenixaskani: If this woman was alive today, she’d have my vote. Shit. #she put frederick douglass on her ballot as v.p. too #unfortunately he didn’t know about it at the time #he read about it in the papers and was like ‘is this chick serious’ Victoria Woodhull 2016 This fails to mention that she was the first woman to run for US president, as well as being the first woman stockbroker on Wall Street alongside her sister Tennie Claflin, and their newspaper published the first English translation of the Communist Manifesto known to date @reservoircat HEY LOOK WHAT JUST POPPED UP ON MY DASH YES, I HAVE *OPINIONS* ABOUT THIS POST. Okay, for starters, Victoria wasn’t a sex worker. She wasn’t necessarily anti-sex worker in the manner of the time–she viewed it as a societal ill that occurred because of the inequality of women and the power structure which allowed and abused such sex work. But she very much wanted to destroy the structures that forced many women into sex work and sex trafficking. The claims that Victoria herself was a sex worker come from two things: her supportive stance on ‘free love’, i.e. the allowance for men and women to chose their own consensual sex partners outside of marriage, and her rise to power as a millionaire New York stock broker and newspaper owner. See, men of the time refused to believe that Victoria and her younger sister Tennessee Claflin could truly be such shrewd, ambitious and forward thinking businesswomen all on their own. So they spread the rumor that the sisters got their positions and fortunes from being sugar babies basically. She was also virulently anti-trafficking after her younger sister and business partner Tennie Claflin was kidnapped and sold into brothels by one of their business rivals. When this happened, Victoria and her husband Colonel James Blood tracked the traffickers down and retrieved Tennie at gunpoint from her captors.  Victoria was not well liked by her fellow suffragists either because she was an ardent supporter of Black suffrage and total equality of all races. She regularly told Stanton and Anthony to go fuck themselves. It was awesome. She was awesome. I just love Victoria Woodhull so much ;-; Can we necromance this woman and make her President? Her husband’s name was Colonel James Blood??? Her sister’s name was Tennessee???? Where’s the movie. I need it yesterday. And known by a surname not her husband’s. Fuck yeah!
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Drunk, Family, and Fucking: metal-heathen: kidzbopdeathmetal: therealbucky05: thatjedirey: segasister: alittlebitpessimistic: azalea-in-time: ziamlevinestylinson: 2ollux-captor-ii2-my-dance2tor: useless-worthless-nobody: azalea-in-time: When you go to a haunted house, it may seem like you’re being funny by trying to scare the actors or jump out at them when you go through a second time, but guess what? ITS NOT FUNNY. You pay us to scare you. It is your choice to go, so don’t fucking go through if you’re going to ignore the rules and get too close to the actors as a ‘joke’. These bruises happened because over the course of 4 hours, several people ignored the instructions that CLEARLY stated that they were to wait in the front room until told otherwise. Rather than listen, they ran into the next room and slammed into me- effectively throwing me into the wall. This didn’t only happen once. It happened ten times at LEAST. Then we had this asshole who thought that once I ‘died’ for the haunt, he could pretend to kick me to see if I’d moved. I, being used to people abusing me- jumped back and slammed my head into the concrete wall. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY BY BEING RUDE AT A HAUNTED HOUSE. WE ARE PAID ACTORS THAT YOU CHOOSE TO COME AND SEE PERFORM. YOU PAY US TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, SO DONT HIT US WHEN WE DO I feel that this is relevant considering it is October and more Haunted Houses are opening up. I know it seems funny to scare the ‘monsters’ but all you do is hurt real people. So stop. It’s not even October but I’m still spreading this SIGNAL BOOOOOOOOSSSSSTTTTT!!!!!!! Now Yeah…your director may want to consider reblocking We don’t have a director? Or blocking??? It’s a haunted house bro, not a play Reblogging for relevance- I work at a Haunted House every October, and have been for the past few years. Our house in particular is staffed by Volunteer workers who are either earning credits for Graduation, or people who know the Family that owns the haunted attraction. In our City, we’re one of two Haunted Houses, so while we open in late September, we tend to get incredibly busy during the month of October and often work from 6pm until 2, 3am on weekends.  We do not get paid to help out. Due to our location, we get a lot of drunk guys coming through, and a lot of ‘funny’ teenagers. In my several years working there, I’ve seen Actors get grabbed and thrown, stomped on, kicked, bitten, everything. A lot of the Actors at this attraction are young teenagers, Middle and Secondary School students, so this kind of abuse is terrifying and potentially emotionally scarring. There’s a position half-way through the house we call ‘Psych Ward’, and it’s essentially a jump scare. The scare is a corner-room, boxed in with walls and broken windows, that the Actor pops out of and shouts and taunts the people going through. October, 2012, a couple were going through the Psych Ward corner and the scare went off as per usual. The girlfriend of this couple got very startled but laughed it off and continued on. The boyfriend, however, back-tracked and went up to the broken window and punched the Actor in the face for scaring his girlfriend. The Actor, who I’m going to call Tracy, had a black eye for a good two weeks solid and the couple had to be escorted out of the house and were banned from the property. Ever since we’ve ruled that Veteran Actors (someone who’s been there for 3+ years) are the only ones allowed in this particular Scaring Spot. He paid to get scared and then got violent when we delivered. There are so many stories I can tell of ignorant customers banging back on scares and injuring the Actors inside, grabbing props from the actors and hurting them with it, destroying props because they thought it would be ‘funny’.  I just want to raise awareness that the ACTORS ARE STILL PEOPLE. We’re instructed to get the best kind of scare out of you, sometimes with no pay at all (like this particular attraction), so please respect our work. We wouldn’t come to your job, mock you, and push you around trying to be ‘funny’. Don’t come to our job and do that to us! That’s just a jerk move! :( @supremeoverlordkat this is not okay omg Some people suck I used to work at a haunted house. Don’t be the asshole who hits people when you get scared. You paid for it. You knew what you were getting into. It’s clear as fucking day what is going to happen. If you react violently to being scared don’t go to haunted houses.  As someone who works at a haunted house I completely agree, also don’t come through drunk as shit. And please don’t fucking molest our actors!!
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Crazy, Hello, and Scare: Blue Bell ICE CREAM SO DELICIOUS THAT WE KILLED PEOPLE AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE shaudo: amerigoilluminatusx: officialfist: amerigoilluminatusx: What??? 3 people died and 7 became ill after eating blue bell due to the bacteria listeria being found in several machines. Most people’s immune systems shrugged it off but people with compromised immune systems (birth defects or diseases such as HIV) could become seriously ill or in this case die as a result of it. Damn, that’s crazy that it happened, I’m glad I know not to buy them now. @amerigoilluminatusx Hello! Texas native, here with more information that you should have the opportunity to know. The second it became clear that Blue Bell was the source, they voluntarily shut down their facilities and recalled EVERYTHING they currently had on the market, around 8 million gallons of ice cream. They tested, disassembled and thoroughly sterilized, then retested their manufacturing equipment. At least one major piece of equipment was thrown away, presumably because they couldn’t guarantee it was safe. They tracked down the source of the “outbreak” and submitted a root cause analysis (with some info redacted here) to the FDA. And then they slowly started manufacturing again, releasing a few flavors at a time, testing each shipment before sending them out. This happened over a year ago. They’re still recovering. They threw away MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to keep people safe instead of, you know, trying to keep everything under wraps. (Honestly the tagline here should be “We Scare Because We Care” or somethin.) Blue Bell is a fricken solid and honest company. So, yeah, enjoy your ice cream! ALL OF BLUE BELL IS DOING EVERYTHING PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO KEEP IT SAFE AND DELICIOUS. That is all.

shaudo: amerigoilluminatusx: officialfist: amerigoilluminatusx: What??? 3 people died and 7 became ill after eating blue bell due to t...

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Amazon, Ass, and Bad: OR: . it 589 9:22 AM ./ www.amazon.com4 SUMMER TOY LIST Liquid Ass Liquid Ass ในพื้ Fart Prank $895 $42.95 Save $4.00 (31%) FREE Shipping on orders over $25. In Stock Want it tomorrow Ma 22 Order within 57%. 9:30 AM ★★★★★ This spray magically cleaned my house!!!! By Kay on November 20, 2013 Verified Purchase This stuff litterally smells like ass. Bad Ass Horrible Ass. You need to go to the doctor Ass. Tried it out last night on my boyfriend. Here is a summary of my night 5pm: Boyfriend on laptop in livingroom He had been there for hours, so I decided it was time for him to get up. 5:05pm: Sprayed Liquid Ass three times on a sweater in the other room, then nonchalantly dropped it in the livingroom about ten feet away from the boyfriend, 5:06pm: Boyfriend asks if I forgot to turn the bathroom fan on 5:08pm: Boyfriend comments on how stinky the cats poop is. 5:15pm: Boyfriend, with his shirt covering his nose, scoops all three cat boxes in hopes of eliminating the wretched stench, 5:45pm: Boyfriend goes on a mad hunt, 57%. 9:30 AM 5:45pm: Boyfriend goes on a mad hunt, insisting that the cats must have crapped somewhere in the house. By this time, the smell has engulfed the appartment (a small two bedroom.) He picks up every piece of laundry on the floor, throws the bathroom mats in the washing machine and finds a face mask and gloves to put on. (I am a nurse and keep some supplies at home.) 6:25pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced the cats must have stepped in poo and tracked it all over the house. After smelling all four of the cats, he decides the cats must have cleaned themselves by now, At this point after seeing all of the good this spray had done, I sprayed it thrice more; once in each bedroom and once in the livingroom 6:30pm: Boyfriend sweeps and mops all of the tiled floors, sprinkles baking soda over the carpet and vacuums the entire place. Durring this time, I make sure my bottle is hidden really well. I can't afford to get caught on this one. 7:30pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced 57%. 9:30 AM 7:30pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced there must be spoiled food somewhere. He takes out the trash and loads the dishwasher. 11pm: While finishing up the laundry, Boyfriend discovered the sweater. He decides the cat must have wiped his paws on it and says we need to make an appointment with the vet because the smell is concerning. I will be using this spray about once a month for the rest of my life. Thank you, Liquid Ass. Thank you. A Read less 3,889 people found this helpful Helpful Not Helpful got suspended By Presley F. on February 12, 2016 Verified Purchase This stuff...was good enough to get me suspended from school.. that'll be enough bright-witch: I am crying omfg
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Amazon, Ass, and Bad: OR: . it 589 9:22 AM ./ www.amazon.com4 SUMMER TOY LIST Liquid Ass Liquid Ass ในพื้ Fart Prank $895 $42.95 Save $4.00 (31%) FREE Shipping on orders over $25. In Stock Want it tomorrow Ma 22 Order within 57%. 9:30 AM ★★★★★ This spray magically cleaned my house!!!! By Kay on November 20, 2013 Verified Purchase This stuff litterally smells like ass. Bad Ass Horrible Ass. You need to go to the doctor Ass. Tried it out last night on my boyfriend. Here is a summary of my night 5pm: Boyfriend on laptop in livingroom He had been there for hours, so I decided it was time for him to get up. 5:05pm: Sprayed Liquid Ass three times on a sweater in the other room, then nonchalantly dropped it in the livingroom about ten feet away from the boyfriend, 5:06pm: Boyfriend asks if I forgot to turn the bathroom fan on 5:08pm: Boyfriend comments on how stinky the cats poop is. 5:15pm: Boyfriend, with his shirt covering his nose, scoops all three cat boxes in hopes of eliminating the wretched stench, 5:45pm: Boyfriend goes on a mad hunt, 57%. 9:30 AM 5:45pm: Boyfriend goes on a mad hunt, insisting that the cats must have crapped somewhere in the house. By this time, the smell has engulfed the appartment (a small two bedroom.) He picks up every piece of laundry on the floor, throws the bathroom mats in the washing machine and finds a face mask and gloves to put on. (I am a nurse and keep some supplies at home.) 6:25pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced the cats must have stepped in poo and tracked it all over the house. After smelling all four of the cats, he decides the cats must have cleaned themselves by now, At this point after seeing all of the good this spray had done, I sprayed it thrice more; once in each bedroom and once in the livingroom 6:30pm: Boyfriend sweeps and mops all of the tiled floors, sprinkles baking soda over the carpet and vacuums the entire place. Durring this time, I make sure my bottle is hidden really well. I can't afford to get caught on this one. 7:30pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced 57%. 9:30 AM 7:30pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced there must be spoiled food somewhere. He takes out the trash and loads the dishwasher. 11pm: While finishing up the laundry, Boyfriend discovered the sweater. He decides the cat must have wiped his paws on it and says we need to make an appointment with the vet because the smell is concerning. I will be using this spray about once a month for the rest of my life. Thank you, Liquid Ass. Thank you. A Read less 3,889 people found this helpful Helpful Not Helpful got suspended By Presley F. on February 12, 2016 Verified Purchase This stuff...was good enough to get me suspended from school.. that'll be enough bright-witch: I am crying omfg
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Af, Apparently, and Crazy: My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky wwil Hjinks lately and I want to tel you a slory because I love it okay once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia Pujol was a chicken famer. Pujol hated him some goddamn fascists See Span had recently ended its civt war, with the fascists taking power So when wwll broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutrail but in practice was buddy buddy with the Nazis Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty bulishit so soon ater war breaks out Pujol travels to his local British embassy and goes heyI wanna spy on the Nazis for you who the fuck are you? say the Brtish, and kick him out but Pujol is not deterredl He stil wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local Geman embassy instead. hey he says, 1 wanna spy on the Brtish for you, I sure do hate them yeah okay say the Germans that seems pretty legit and just like that Pujol now officialy warks for the Abwehr, the German intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible Ink and such) and instruct him to travel lo Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UK So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a ltde while later writes to his German handliers teling them he's made it to England Pujol had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made t to the Lisbon public library, where he checked out a number of English guide bocks and set about just wholesavle making smr up this is sighy complicated by he fact that, for example, he completely did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were basicaly gibberish He also reported things like brioing Scotsmen, because the people of Glasgow would do anything tor a Itre of wine (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain lke wine so that's probably the same nigh? Here is where it starts to get realy crazy, because the Atwehr Joves tns woW this dude is a great spy they say because apparenty none of them had ever been the England esther. In fact, they are so pumped about this new awesome spy that the British stairt to get worried you see, by this time the British had cracked German's supposedly unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of ther-super top secret-radio transmissions. And, crucially, they'd become so good at breaking and reading traffic that there were iterally no German spies in England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping duces in by parachute in the middle of the night), the Brtish would intercept the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies so there are no Geman spies in the UK because theyre all shting in a prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as double agents, feeding Genmany builshit) But suddenly MI5 is picking up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great spy- a spy the Bntish do not have in their jail oh shit says MI5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and from this mysterious super spy hey wait says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending someone is playing sily buggers, pip pip cheerio At this point, Pujol sll in Lisbon, had actualily been approaching the British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently 1 am literally an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my services wasn't interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again it want until MIS started asking around that one of the embassy staf was like oh yeah we know that guy so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially becomes a spy for Mi5. They move him to London and assign him a case oicer so he can start making up even better bulshit and he does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that he d recruited a whole slew of informants from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to disaffected army officers. He ends up wih a network of 20+ sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the U none of mese people actualy exist Pujol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake personalties, names, and actvities with the hep of Mi5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mix of true but ultimately useless facis and actualy important intel tmed to artve in Germany just sightly too late to be af any use. He and his "spy network become the Abwehr's most trusted agents Pujol, now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skils), ends up playing a huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Alies mounted a huge intellgenoe campaign to convince Htler that the planned sile of attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should absolulely look t up lor more Wacky WWll Adventures) Obviously you know how this ended crazly enough, the Abwenr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent After the war he recelved both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require personal authorization from Hitier), and a Member of the Order of the Brtish Empire (from King George Vi unable to resist being rotaly fucking ndiculous, Pujol tumed down MI5's post-war offer to continue spying, but this time against he USSR TO, he said just help me fake my own death and then I'm moving to Venezuela and thats exacly what he ad Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the age of 76 Okay I'm just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Pujol Garcia because I feel that t adds so much to the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE with this expression: what a legend Juan Pujol Garcia:The first shitposter
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America, Apparently, and Bad: mothman @LEVKAWA how to tell when a bilingual character was not written by a bilingual person 101 "Hola ¿Qué pasa?" Lance said. "Uh...what?" "Ah, sorry. It's hard to switch back sometimes. What's up?" He corrected kalidels: misdiagnosed-ghost: rrojasandribbons: cobaltmoony: silentwalrus1: justgot1: cricketcat9: artykyn: prideling: gunvolt: im going to have a stroke Instead try…Person A: You know… the thingPerson B: The “thing”?Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed: Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!” Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.” I use Spanish and English daily, none is my native language. When I’m tired or did not have enough sleep I loose track of who to address in which language;  I caught myself explaining something in Spanish to my English-speaking friends more than once. When I’m REALLY tired I’ll throw some Polish words in the mix.  There is nothing more painful than bad fake Spanglish by an American writer. Bilingual people don’t just randomly drop words in nonsensical places in their sentences ffs. “I’m muy tired! I think I’ll go to my cama and go to sleep!“ Nobody does that. From my bilingual parents: - Only being able to do math in their original language. “Ok so that would beeeeee … *muttering* ocho por cuatro menos tres…” - Losing words and getting mad at you about it. “Gimme the - the - UGH, ESA COSA AHI’ CARAJO. The thing, the oven mitt. Christ.” - Making asides to you in Spanish even though you’ve told them to not do this as lots of people here speak Spanish. “Oye, mira esa, que cara fea.” “MOM FFS WE’RE IN A MEXICAN NEIGHBORHOOD.” - Swears in English don’t count. - Swears in Spanish mean you’d better fucking run, kid. - Introducing you to English-only Americans using your Spanish name so that they mispronounce your name for all eternity because that’s what your mom said your name was. “Hi Dee-yanna!” “sigh, Just call me Diana.” “Yeah but your mom said your name was Dee-yanna.”  - Your parents give you a name that only makes sense in Spanish. “Your name is Floor?” “No, my name is Flor.” “FLOOR?” “Sigh.”  - conjugating English words with Russian grammar and vice versa. Sometimes both at once, which is extra fun.  самолет -  самолетас -  самолетасы - when vice versa, dropping English articles entirely. The, a, an: all gone. e.g. “I go to store and buy thing, I fix car and go to place.” This also happens when i am very tired  - speaking English with heavy accent you don’t actually have - when my family and I are switching over fast, we say the English words in a very heavy Russian accent that mostly doesn’t show up otherwise  bonus:  - keysmashing in the wrong language when your keyboard is still switched over - using ))))) instead of :))) or other culture-specific emoji/typing quirks all of the above OMG. THIS.  -switching from Romanes to English and forgetting that articles exist because Romanes doesn’t always use them-starting to say a word in one language and trying to smoothly transition it to another language: n…oooooo, thank you is probably my most common-using English profanity when speaking Romanes-using Romanes profanity when speaking English.. that’s how you know I am angry-the over extension of the word “not” in English that comes out something like this; “I have not cash on me”.-counting in my head in Romanes always, but math always in English, which might explain my bad math skills-drunk accents.. I have a heavy accent when drunk.. and only when drunk-substituting Romani words when trying to speak in Serbian even when the other speaker is bilingual in English-aspirating English phonemes that are not meant to be aspirated -accidentally pronouncing the English “i” sounds as “ee”.. I have a dog named Snickers and everyone thinks her name is Sneakers-describing objects in detail, but forgetting the actual name of it in your target language; dzhanes, ‘odaji glazhuni.. thaj zhamija si ‘oda.. ejjjjj.. dikhes perdal oda.. ejjjj.. ekh… feljastra! Ekh feljastra! -”the thing” in both languages.. -except e buki also means “the work”, and o kasavo mean “such”, or “like this”, so in English I mean to say “the thing”, but I really say “the this, you know, this, this, this, the thingy.” But, it sounds like, “da dis, you know, dis, dis, dis, da tingy.”-subject verb agreement doesn’t exist when switching languages; ^^see above.. that was not an intentional mistake-“is mine” to mean “I have”; “Dog is mine” = “I have a dog” I could keep going.. but, yea, bilingual quirks are waaaay better and funnier when you actually understand how they work and the grammar quirks of both target languages.  I always fucking forget the word “chess”???? And I sit there saying шахматы over and over to myself until I finally remember it in English. blunders also happen when they have to note down something real quick or take lectures! my notes when I was in Italy for my exchange year are incomprehensible to basically everyone lmao it’s a huge jumble of thai, english, and italian. because sometimes it’s easier to just write down a concept in english rather than have to translate it back to your native language! also while I was there I spent a day with an american friend and when we were saying goodbye to each other this literally happened: “well have a safe trip home!! I’ll see you….. um…. dopo… dopo.. dopo.. LATER! LATER!! I’LL SEE YOU LATER”
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