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Lmao, Tumblr, and Blog: tumble famous blondesquats: ericrobert: @blondesquats You LMAO most famous mental patient 🤘🏻

blondesquats: ericrobert: @blondesquats You LMAO most famous mental patient 🤘🏻

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Animals, Beautiful, and Crying: AN AVERAGE SATURDAY MORNING: WITH KIDS VS. WITHOUT KID WITH KIDS TIME WITHOUT KIDS Time to get up! Someone peed 6:00 You won't be getting up for 5 through his diaper and now your bed is covered in urine more You change a diaper and try to get the kid to sleep a little longer but now the he's yelling zoo animals and doing flips on the 6:30 You made some breakfast for your child, but today he decided he hates eggs. He's saying he wants "scrims" but you don't know what that means. He won't explain and just keeps yelling "scrims" louder and louder 7:00 Your pillow got a little warm so you turn it over and go back to You've now watched the same episode of Spongebob four times. One time you tried to change it over to the news and your kid shoved a spoon in the Tranquil visions dance in your 8:00 O0 head as the sweet embrace of slumber engulfs your resting body You attempt to take a shower but your kid keeps throwing can openers into the tub. You weren't aware that you hacd multiple can openers An angel comes down and gently kisses your forehead. Sleep well, sweet prince 8:30 You walk upstairs to your room, but didn't realize your kid was using the stairs as a stunt zone for Hot Wheels and you slip on one and nearly die as you tumble back down to the A hummingbird perches itself outside your window and sings a sweet lullaby. He blows you a kiss and soars away 9:00 You try to finally go to the bathroom, but forgot to lock the door so now your kid is crying because you won't let him dump sand in your lap. He dumps it on the dog instead. The sand was actually used cat litter You wake briefly to adjust your sleep number. (You bought an adjustable bed with all the disposable income you have from not having a kid.) 9:30 You hear laughter, which is almost more terrifying than crying. You walk in the living room to see your kid making 10:00 S Still sleeping soundly, like a puppy in front of a crackling snow angels in glue. There's no way you're getting your deposit back with a giant glue angel in the middle of the carpet Your kid doses off and you try to catch up on your favorite show You stir a little and check your texts. Your friend wants to go to brunch later. That sounds nice 30 more minutes of sleep and you'll get ready for that. Maybe go to mall later or ride go-karts Unfortunately, six minutes into it 10:30 there's a dramatic moment where the music builds and your kid is now wide-awake. (Screw You get everyone loaded into the car to go to the zoo, even though it's 90 degrees and so humid taxidermy is coming back to life. Your kid yells a racial slur he heard in a movie. Out of all the words he's heard, that's the only one that stuck. You wake up feeling refreshed and beautiful. You know what? It's Saturday. Let's just lie in the bed a while and watch a movie 11:00 srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids

srsfunny:Saturdays With Kids Vs. Without Kids

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Fail, Family, and Feminism: I swear, one more "lol men are mediocre" post crosses my dash and I'm going to completely lose it. Like... is that something you'd say to the face of the men in your life? There is probably at least one guy you care about, whether it's a family member or a friend or a former mentor. Could you really look that person in the face and go Imao men are mediocre? And if not, can you maybe consider that they might stumble across your stupid stupid, stupid poorly-considered rant and think that it's about them? And that's not all. Most of y'all who post this crap consider yourselves to be SJWs. Fighting for the fucking side of right, all that. If you do this-if you constantly post about how men are terrible and mediocre- you're fucking terrible at social justice. Have you considered that your PROTECT XYZ GROUP] AT ALL COSTS rhetoric is completely empty and shallow if you're not willing to protect all members of that group? Have you fucking considered that some men are POC or queer or trans or disabled? If you post "DISABLED PEOPLE ARE AWESOME" and "QUEER PEOPLE ARE AWESOME" every five minutes and then follow it up with "LOL MEN THO, we know how you really feel. Your support for disabled people or queer people only extends to vague internet platitudes. When it comes to, you know, not triggering people with depression, or anxiety, or impostor syndrome? Haha, who cares, there are men to make fun of on the internet! In less pretentious language: your support means jackshit. Social justice is supposed to be about making the world a less shitty place. It's supposed to be about making the world a place where no one gets hurt for things they can't help, no matter what race, creed, or gender they happen to be If you're not willing to do that? If you're more interested in petty, mean bullshit against a group you don't like than helping people? If your "SJ" is more about sticking it to men or white people or str8s or The Cis than it is about helping raise the people you want to help out? You fucking fail at justice. You're looking for an excuse to be mean. Either admit that you just want an excuse to be mean, or stop doing this. Shit or get off the pot. Signed: A queer, trans, disabled man who is so tired of your crap you don't even know #about teh menz #men and feminism #sj malarkey #general malarkey #twitter malarkey #teminist malarkey #(goddammit stop making me use the feminist malarkey tag) #(i AM a feminist) #(y'all are gonna drive me to drink) #the earl speaks拱he earl rants See all 1.279 notes A perfect response for tumble feminist
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Af, Asian, and Aww: Anonymous 04/23/18 (Mon)22:57:12 No.766778676 Hey /b/romosexuals, story time > Be me, 17 year old 7/10 male Have an objectively 6, subjectively 8/10 asian gf who loves me 182 KB JPG Major trust issues from a relationship that went bad a while ago relationship friends since 13 Clingy af, probably still a result of that last We've known each other since we were 12, been Tell her I love her evervdav Despite her always replying that she loves me to, start doubting that Gf tells me after a lot of thinking, she's asexual Ohshitlmaydieavirgin Suddenly text my ex spontaneously, find out she's single Lie and say I'm single She asks to meet up for a coffee at Tims (I'm a Leaf) > I decide to go because I'm pissed at my gf Continue? Alright then go to the meet up with ex s my ex is just as beautiful as ever. She has shorter hair and small tits but thats sorta my thing She got me a coffee alread >It was the same type of coffee I drank when was with her on our first date (Double double) >She smiles, it looks cute on her > I ask her whats up, and she mentions my clearly visible erection I sat down faster than I lost my erection s We make small talk for a bit, we instantly have a spark > I havent felt this spark for a few years Eventually she says what both of us have been thinking "We should get back together." Idk what to say. Can't tell her I lied about being single at this point, but I also like her a lot more than my gf > Decide to keep it going "Sure, but I don't have a lot of free time with work. > I just lost my job > I give her the address to the apartment I'm in, which I don't actually pay for. My best bud does Invite her over one time She says "Why not tonight?" My gf hasn't text me and doesnt have a key, and my buddy is out of townm Sure, what could go wrong? Almost done the story /b/ois, cont.? > Take her back to the apartment > Time is a bit late. Ask her what she wants to do She immediately gives me a smile that could only mean one of two things, sex or something sexual > Before I can say anything she notices a picture have of me and my girlfriend on top of the shelf >"Who's this?" > I panic > My sister >She gets confused. My sister is asian? > "You never told me you had a sister, anon, andI met your family > Ohshit.jpg > I make up a story on the spot about my parents splitting and my dad remarrying. She's my stepsister. We broke up over a year ago. My parents fought once in front of her. Not too far fetched "Aww, anon. I'm so sorry." She says, basically jumping into my arms after putting the photo down Haven't even blown a load in at least a week >Boner is visible >She goes for it. I had forgotten that one of the main reasons we broke up was her sex drive and mine not matching up >Suddenly remember second was that she was a crazy bitch towards me sometimes > I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries sWe fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed crazv bitch towards me sometimes >I just go with it and hope that I wont remember this in a month Best sex I ever had. (I bagged up tho. No worries s We fall asleep in eachothers arms on my roommates bed Wake up to a banging on the door Groggily get up to find my ex making breakfast and my best friends gf at the door Wtf I yell through the door at her "What do you want?" (My best bud) left something and needed her to bring it to him > I open the door cautiously She sees my ex, and me half naked. She ofo knows about my af She asks to talk to me in private Takes me to the bedroom, locks the door and quietly asks me "Are you cheating or did you break I don't lie to her >She gets frustrated with me and leaves without my buds thing he needed "What was that?" My ex asks Now T don't remember exactly what I said at this point because I was scared shitless. My buds gf was for sure gonna tell mine and now things were gonna tumble down Cont? > "What was that anon?" >Ex js getting visibly annoyed and worried > She looks back at the photo of me and my "sister I look down at the floor My ex suddenly pieces something together right then and there >"ls she vour girlfriend?" > I fucking crumble and admit everything >She's surprisingly understanding, but just as understandably upset > ''You should call her No >"I need you to do this for me" I do > I explain the whole thing to her, sparing the sexual details > She sounds pretty heartbroken I try to console her but it doesnt work as well as l would have hoped She hangs up on me I'm in a puddle of tears sitting next to the first girl | ever loved > She hugs me awkwardly one last time > "I need one more thing from you > I look at her and wipe away some tears. "What?" > She smiles at me warmly and says "I need about tree fiddy I suddenly realised what I should have long ago My ex was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the paleozoic era The god damn loch ness monster had tricked me again Anon is conflicted
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Arguing, Broomstick, and Cheating: THE TELETUBBIES HAVE OFFICIALLY HAD KIDS FEEL OLD YET? <p><a href="https://bubblebootybert.tumblr.com/post/172120223812/elodieunderglass-moneysltd-moldyfingers" class="tumblr_blog">bubblebootybert</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://elodieunderglass.tumblr.com/post/172118682872/moneysltd-moldyfingers" class="tumblr_blog">elodieunderglass</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://moneysltd.tumblr.com/post/171964940737/moldyfingers-termytheantisocialbutterfly" class="tumblr_blog">moneysltd</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="http://moldyfingers.tumblr.com/post/171937063091/termytheantisocialbutterfly-libertarirynn" class="tumblr_blog">moldyfingers</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://termytheantisocialbutterfly.tumblr.com/post/171932194775/libertarirynn-are-you-telling-me-that-the" class="tumblr_blog">termytheantisocialbutterfly</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/171931882199/are-you-telling-me-that-the-teletubbies-have" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Are you telling me that the Teletubbies have, canonically, fucked? Because I am very uncomfortable with that information.</p></blockquote> <p>Um wat</p> </blockquote> <p>turns out they’re called the tiddlytubbies and they have names</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="1161" data-orig-width="778"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/4a3ab3c74f7e20cd8be53a86ff20bf16/tumblr_inline_p5p445rlGU1t1rsqs_540.png" data-orig-height="1161" data-orig-width="778"/></figure><p>most likely umby pumby is la la’s kid and duggle dee is po’s. Yellow and red make orange, so Po and La La got together to have Ruru. </p> <p>Nin is purple, so that one is Tinky Winky’s. Dipsy’s is Daa daa because they’re both green. but look at daa daa’s antenna. seems a bit similar to la la’s no? la la and dipsy had some shit on the side.  </p> <p>po, that other cheating fuck, had ping with tinky winky because ping is pink and that’s suspiciously similar to red and purple. also check out that fucking antenna. same as tinky winky’s. can’t hide the facts. po and la la were cheating on each other and now they have a shit ton of kids to pretend aren’t theirs. </p> <p>tinky winky and dipsy also aren’t innocent in this. the actual color of mi mi is an aqua green. green and blue. dipsy and tinky winky had mi mi AND they probably had Baa too. they had TWO KIDS and they’re off getting some tubby custard on the side. </p> <p>scandals galore in that damn superdome. </p> </blockquote> <p>A diagram for everyone who does not understand either. I found that the only pairs who had not had children together according to the above were Po and Dipsy, and Tinkywanky and Lala. Coincidentally Po, Lala and Tinkywanky all have children with only one confirmed parent. Considering the amount of cheating going on here, its quite likely that these children were the product of these pairs which have supposedly not boned. The suspected parents of these children have been indicated with dotted lines. An orgy happened here.</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="377" data-orig-width="751"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/dca9f8fa7825674da10267d74e6d1dc7/tumblr_inline_p5qq458OMk1s3pojy_540.png" data-orig-height="377" data-orig-width="751"/></figure></blockquote> <p>So @eternalstrigoli sent me this asking how it fits in with the Adult Teletubbies lore from my dream. I’m happy to say that it does fit in, although not in the way people expect. <br/></p><p>In my dream lore, the Teletubbies on the popular show are actually toddlers, the captive young of a long-lived species of giant ancient cryptid. In my dream, the adult form of the Teletubby was an enormous shambling forest god. <br/></p><p>Weirdly, this was supported by the statement from the BBC in the wake of the Gay Tinky Winky conversation, when they argued that the male-identified character’s use of a handbag was innocent, and in no way a marker of his orientation: <b>“Tinky Winky is simply a sweet, technological baby with a magic bag.”</b></p><p>That’s right, the Beeb has stated that Tinky Winky is a <i>baby</i>.</p><p>You see, my theory says that the Tiddlytubbies, the reboot’s new “babies”, are indeed older babies or young toddlers. I argue that they are about the equivalent of one-year-old humans. The range could be from about 9 months to 18 months; but I’d say generally you would expect one-year-old humans to do the things the Tiddlytubbies do. They babble, tumble, toddle and play like slightly drunk kittens. They’re at the intersection of baby/toddler; capable of bumbling (toddling) around on their own, and they are reasonably autonomous, but still needing to be cared for and always falling over. In terms of physiology, they do resemble 1-year-olds, with the same physical proportions you would expect in a human of that age.<br/></p><p>The Teletubbies, by contrast, are more like… 3 or 4 year olds. They’re toddlers, older ones, not quite school-age: developmentally capable of having short conversations, setting up games and activities, and performing simple self-care (preparing food, putting themselves to bed). In terms of physiology, they do have the cutely rounded/stubby appearance associated with this age of toddlers, who traditionally have those classic potbellies and little round butts that stick out. <br/></p><p>And again, the BBC has stated that <i>the Teletubbies are babies</i>, not sexual beings at all.<br/></p><p>Thus, I don’t think the existence of the Tiddlytubbies suggests that the Teletubbies from the show produced them. Using the lore from the dream, they are young captive infants, being brought up in the same controlled conditions as the existing older toddlers. Within several years, this new crop of infants may approach the size and development of the existing Original Four. And, perhaps, replacing them…<br/></p></blockquote> <p class="npf_quote" data-npf='{"subtype":"quote"}'>I think I’m having an aneurism. </p></blockquote> <p>This post is canceled. Everyone go home.</p>
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