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Advice, Apparently, and Bee Movie: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses sqooper Follow wallpatterns The other day I went to McDonald's with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like "HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU" and I was like wow I can't let this guy outmatch me so I yelled "I'LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IFI MAY" you know like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like "CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEALINSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES" and I was so sleep deprivedI essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said "HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR" and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store "WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER MAN and since purple is the more superior color that's how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I'm now the poster child for being social and I've only been asked once why I'm not in a relationship yet but I know it's gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it's because whenever eat in the dining hall spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I'm supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I've essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year sqooper there's more information in this post than there was in the library of alexandria advice-animal: College changes you…

advice-animal: College changes you…

Apparently, Bee Movie, and Cars: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses sqooper Follow wallpatterns The other day I went to McDonald's with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like "HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU" and I was like wow I can't let this guy outmatch me so I yelled "I'LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IFI MAY" you know like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like "CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEALINSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES" and I was so sleep deprivedI essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said "HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR" and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store "WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER MAN and since purple is the more superior color that's how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I'm now the poster child for being social and I've only been asked once why I'm not in a relationship yet but I know it's gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it's because whenever eat in the dining hall spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I'm supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I've essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year sqooper there's more information in this post than there was in the library of alexandria College changes you

College changes you

Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home. 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. . The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so l told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later andI never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver's side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him you know that sounds super suspicious right and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so l clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me 'piñata and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie c got caught torturing animals cause he finally 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually es- caped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wig- gling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lved another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play 'bloody mary in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead. 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of... locked up forever and never gon ear 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360° spin with nobody touching it, so I said 'that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing l'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no elsean Source: teaboot 205.063 notes Teaboots Adventures As That White Girl in Horror Movies
Duck, Girlfriend, and Her: Girlfriend was curious about my new underwear, so I sent her a duck pic

Girlfriend was curious about my new underwear, so I sent her a duck pic

Funny, Duck, and Girlfriend: Girlfriend was curious about my new underwear, so I sent her a duck pic via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2QldCZG

Girlfriend was curious about my new underwear, so I sent her a duck pic via /r/funny https://ift.tt/2QldCZG

Memes, News, and Party: wouL "I THINK IT'S GREAT!" Republican Party HQ vandalism suspect boasts in on-camera interview before arrest Hours after he allegedly spray painted the words 'rape' and 'shame' dozens of time on the Winnebago County Republican Party headquarters Sunday morning, suspect Timothy Damm (42) talked with an Eyewitness News reporter at the scene. "I think it's great," Damm said of the vandalism. "I haven't been great with the Republicans right in my neighborhood, but somebody labeled them for what they are. I'm happy about that." Damm was wearing a pink shirt with the same date printed on the back when he was interviewed. When asked if he thought the vandal had gotten their message across, Damm replied, "I think they did... Republican equals rape. That they support rape, they encourage rape, and if you rape someone, they will defend you." Damm was detained later Sunday at the Walmart on Riverside Blvd. where police found him in possession of additional cans of spray paint in a shopping bag. He was taken into custody on Monday. Damm was charged with criminal damage to property and resisting a police officer. He faces up to one to three years in prison, if convicted. According to the criminal complaint, Damm danced on the table in the police interview room, stacked chairs and furnishings, and stripped down to his underwear. The complaint goes on to say that when police tried to escort Damm from the interview room he thrashed his arms and legs and refused to sit in the holding room. He was then taken to the floor and restrained in handcuffs.