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Alive, Being Alone, and Bad: Follow April 25 A MOTHER'S WORST FEAR The Door to Freedom.. The last thing I remember telling the police before they took me away was where Arabella's diapers were and how to take care of her. I felt confused scared and in shock at the thought of not being with my daughter all the time....having to uphold some ideal image of what a mother should be For those who don't know my story it probably feels like I just dropped a bomb on you so let's start at the very beginning... When I first found out I was pregnant the first emotion I remember feeling was anger At that time in my life I wasn't ready for a child. I was busy chasing guys, having sex, and working 11 hour 'dream job' shifts, and contemplating going to vet school. I thought I was 'connected and living the life but I wasn't. I was connected to a deeper drive. A drive to be good' at all costs...a drive to subscribe to what I thought on some level would award me love. You know? THE AMERICAN DREAM... Go to college get a degree build a family etc. None of it felt easy. It often felt like trying to swim against a strong current...the current being my heart. I subscribed to the american dream for a while and even now, as I look back, I wouldn't change the lessons I learned and how it inevitably led me to where I am today but before we get there back to the story.. When I got pregnant I was technically adult (26) but in many ways I was stll a child inside...I hadn't broken free from the constraints of expectations I had taken on from my parents and society. I was dead inside and using sex, work, social media, and food to cope with it. After I found out I was pregnant I considered abortion. Iremember my mom had told me she had one before yet something in me told me no. I wanted to go through with it even though I had no clue who I was or what I was doing. Time passed and my pregnancy didn't get any easier. Work was a struggle. I remember going to farmers markets selling dog treats at 30 weeks after my soul cat suddenly died in my arms. I was at an was shot. I felt alone more thanI ever had and relied heavily on my partner I time low. My self esteem to be there when he wasn't 'home' either I soon got a job as a secretary and found myself following the footsteps of my mother. She was a secretary when she was pregnant with me... Working for 'the man' while her dreams desires passions were put on hold to make a living to make a life for me. She wanted to give me the freedom she never had and the security that she never felt. Being the oldest female she became a mom before she was ready. She had to grow up before she was ready to help her mom who was crumbling as a mostly single mother of 5. I remember hearing stories about grandma lashing out in anger at all 5 kids and imagined that she must've felt trapped too..in this dynamic that has been going on for a LONG time. The cycle came here to break. If I knew what it would take to break this cycle I wouldn't have chosen the path I've walked. I would've told myself it would be too painful and wrong and yet my soul set everything up perfectly and whether I liked it or not. I had signed up for the death of the mother image whether I liked it or not. I chose my path. МОTHERHOOD... I've never been one to pretend to like something I don't and motherhood was one of those dislikes for me. The expectations of motherhood my brain downloaded for the sake of inclusion and connection (as a mother) fucking sucked. I bucked kicked and screamed at them the whole way. My anger was always bubbling beneath the surface ready to come out and react at every 'little" thing. Yet, thing is it WASNT little." It was never about the spilled milk, the poopy messes, or the loud toys. It was about how deprived of love, passion, and turn on I was. My cup was more than empty so the little things always came out BIG. didn't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with myself much less another human being. I remember it getting so bad that I ended up screaming in my Arabella's face when she was an infant because I felt sleep deprived and poweriess to what she needed. Her dad was asleep on the couch pretending to stay asleep because he had work. I felt utterly alone and enslaved to the needs of another human being. It was the perfect recipe for anger and resentment. aPSUa I was selling my soul for money and 'cookies' following the footsteps of a civilized American mom while my wild heart cried out in pain so deep that not even I could hear her. I had pushed her down so far that the only ways I knew how to deal with the grief of that separation at the time was reactivity sex and work. I felt trapped in a world I didn't want to live in. I felt enslaved to an image wanted to shatter. I wanted more for my life and Arabella and felt powerless to creating it especially under the belief that a mother MUST ALWAYS be with her children. I mean if that was true then I was fucked and so was she. When Arabella was about 1 I started going on Tinder. I felt a hunger rising in me. I wanted to feel wanted again and sex seemed like the next best thing. A quick and easy fix to patch over the gaping grief l couldn't bare to look at. After I started meeting quys for quick fucks it became clear how much I wanted to escape my reality as a mother. It became clear that I wanted to feel pleasure...that I wanted to feel ALIVE and even though sex seemed like the answer it wasn't. Time passed and I got bored with Tinder. I started focusing on my career and ended up meeting a guy at an intuitive arts fair. There was IMMEDIATE sexual chemistry. We started dating and my sex drive went through the roof. Not only was he better than the shotty tinder material he was well seasoned in his sexual ity. He gave me permission to express my sexuality in new and exciting ways that I had been longing for. I felt alive again and I attributed it to him. I spent as much time with him as possible and would have Baby sitters and family to watch Arabella just about every weekend. I was addicted to feeling alive thinking it came from HIM. I had no idea that he was pointing to something that I had long forgotten within me. I often felt wrong for having so much fun (without Arabella) when we were apart I never thought of her enough to text to see how she was. I felt guilty thinking that I should be like every other mom and sacrifice myself for her but deep down I knew that that wouldn't help me OR her. I started to see that the more I was happy the more she was happy. It was this fleeting happiness that had become dependent on whether or not I was with my bf or not. The less time I spent with him the more I went into feeling angry and powerless. I was relying on him to BE my source of pleasure. I still had no idea what it felt like to feel turned on in my own light. I spent a lot of time online sharing emotional videos of how motherhood was wearing on me. I eventually started talking about sex. I was having so much fun with my bf and my online followers that I made a sex group wherel encouraged us all to share sex stories in a safe space. As the posts trickled in a mom had mentioned how she rarely has sex because her kids are always around. Wanting to push the boundaries of society and not really thinking responded saying "Oh I've had sex in the same room hlla before I was bouncing on his cock while she was bouncing on his chest. as So of course, given that no context was shared around this statement, I started receiving messages telling me "you're going to rot in jail." This is still the hardest part of my story to share because of how shocking it is and how much it shuts people down and kicks their judgements into overdrive. The only thing that keeps me from NOT sharing it is my commitment to the bigger message behind all of this So context wise (if you're still coherently listening and curious)is: A was 2.5 at the time asleep in her bed next to mine. My bf and I woke up before her and started having sex and she woke up seeing me bouncing thinking I was playing so she started bouncing on her bed and came over to where we were I didn't want to shame her so I didn't just jump up and freak out. I allowed the situation to dissipate by focusing on the play aspect INSTEAD of the sexual. At the time I didn't know what the term sex positive meant.. All I knew was that I didn't want her to experience the sexual shame and shut down I experienced...that I didn't want her to feel a sense of 'wrong when it came sex And what gets twisted is that a sex positive approach is seen as grooming on INVOLVING children in sexual acts which is the direction CPS and the cops took my situation. My post was turned in a long with a picture of me and A in the bathtub where she was pouring water on my leg which was made to be perverted by a woman who had her chief of police husband and news reporter file a police report On the afternoon of August 1st I got a call from CPS and set up a visit with seize them. Later that night the police broke down my door with a warrant my electronics. They found a picture I had taken of A playing naked in a tub in my bfs backyard while he was sitting naked on the couch in the background. That was, as you can imagine, enough for the conservative county of Montgomery TX to take me in under the charge 'indecent exposure with a child At that point I was in pure shock. I couldn't feel a thing or smile for months and even though my story is dramatic my hope is that you don't get SO caught up in the drama that you miss the bittersweet beauty of the journey itself. Shock was the beginning of the mom image shattering for me....Resistance was the second. I didn't know how to let go so the first thing I went to to cope was work. (self development and hustling). I was determined to make everything right. I clung even more to the image of a 'good mom and what that would mean. Thoughts would run through my head like... What kind of mom doesn't have her shit together for her daughter? What kind of mom doesn't work and take care of everything? What kind of mom loses' her daughter? What kind of mom doesn't have a nice place and a school set up for her daughter? and whether I was aware of these thoughts or not they were driving me. The hard truth underneath it all was that I was grieving. I had been grieving most of my life. I thought I was grieving Arabella but through lots of retreats therapy tears and shifts I came to realize that what I was REALLY grieving was my heart (that Arabella so beautifully reflected back to me). I was grieving my dreams desires and passions that I had pushed down rejected and shamed. I was grieving my love. I had become so shut down afraid and walled off from the world that the big beautiful bold sensual radiant parts of me had become dormant. What first felt like a loss turned out to be the biggest miracle of my life. A miracle of love rising in in the 'impossible' Learning to dance through the biggest storm of my life was a miracle. To be as open loving and happy as I am now is a miracle (pain and beauty included). It was not easy to face my sexual shame, grief, and choices that led to an unfulfilled life. I was not easy to see that I was the one who created my life down to every last detail all the way from my childhood to now. The separation with Arabella being a huge part of that. And the joy and the sensual aliveness that has come from that (mess and all) is everything I've always wanted AND it is a path I would've never consciously chosen for myself. I have been reborn and as dramatic as my path has been I wouldn't change it for the world because know if I did I wouldn't be here speaking to it and delivering a message that has the power to create new worlds where women are free from the role of 'mother. If you're a mom still reading this I want to tell you something from my heart to yours from the depths of my soul to yours...as much as you may believe your role to be your children there is more love and purpose for you here. The world needs your light. I had no idea what the world was missing from me until started to come back to life laughing playing dreaming and creating. The color flooded back through the tears and the willingness to love again...I began to remember my innocence my DESIRE, my essence, and my wild heart that never burned out...my love that knows no bounds. Living my pleasure is the greatest gift I can possibly give myself and the children that choose me as their vessel to experience theirs. I'm traveling, dancing, and living in the city of my choice with incredible supportive friends. It seems like it wasn't that long ago when I was looking out through a glass wall wondering when it would be my turn to play and have fun. I sat on the sidelines pouting. I forgot who I was and that, with every cell of my being, I have the power to make my dreams come true. LOVE created the miracle that is now my life and when you say "But what about your daughter?" My response is this...she is not mine to claim. She is on her path and l am on mine. We are forever connected. I choose to trust that every decision I make simply because it feels good is a love letter I write not only to her but to every child woman and man on this planet One of the most brain dead, irresponsible “mothers” in existence. TD:LR in comments
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Alive, Being Alone, and Bad: 8438515 PM 25 at 1:15 PM-e A MOTHER'S WORST FEAR The Door to Freedom alice er tellng the p haf diapers were and how to take care of hes I felt confused scared and in shock at the ugt of not belng wh y daugter all the what a mother should be For those who don't know my story it probably mb on vou so let's Teels lejas ing When I first found out I was pregnant the first emotion I remember feeling was anger At that time in my life I wasn't ready for a child Morkine 11 hng guys, having sex, and contemplating going to vet school thought I was 'eonnected and living the life Hrive u a.ws uei eepa unht some level e towhat tho You know? THE AMERICAN DREAM Go to college get a degree build a family etc swim anainst a strong.current the current being my hea1 sub ed . but before we get there back to the story. When I got pregnant I was technicaly adult (26) but in many ways I was still a child from my parents and society. 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I felt guilty thinking that I should be like every OR ber I started to see that the more I was happy the hanniness that bad bepome deneocdent or was with my bf or not r at int feeling angry and powerless was rebving on him to BE my source of what it felt like to pleasre un light I spent a lot of time online sharing emotional videos of how motherhood was wearing on me having so much fun with my bf and my online followers thati made a sex aroup where ged us all to share sex stories in a sade As the posts trickled in a mom had mantioner how she rarely has sex because her kids are are had bex in he e sbe was bouncing on his chest So of course, given that no context was shared maeesee telling m en toi jail. This is still the hardest part of my story to share because of haw shocking it is and how nd kicks their much it us pp The only thing that keeps me from NOT sharing it is my commitment to the bigger message behind all of this o context wse at the tie ime asleep in her bed next to mine My bf and I ... and obe woke un saing me bouneinn thinking on be I didn't want to shame her so I didn't just jump up and freak out. I allowed the situation to cusing on the play aspect METCA At the time I didn't know what the term sex positive meant. ALLinew was that Ididn't want her to experience the sexual shame and shut down feel a of wrong' when it came to sex And what gets twisted is that a sex positive approach is seen as grooming or INVOLVING Ces and the cos took my situation My past was turmed in a lonn with a nicture or dnd made to he perverted by a woman who had her chief of husband and news reporter file a police enest On the afternoon of August 1st I got a call from CPS and set up a visit with them. Later that erant to seize my electronics They found a picture I had taken ofplaving naked in a tub in my bfs backyard while he wa men TY to tak me in under the charge 'indecent exposure with At that point I was in pure shock I couldn't feel thinn or emile for manthe and euen thounh net So etat you don the bittersweet beauty of the journey itself Shock was the beginning of the mom image na for me...Resistance was the Secood I didn't know how to let go so the first thing went to to cope was work. (self development ndhing rightLelung even more to the imaco of a 'good mom and what that would mean Thouchts would run through my head like. What kind of mom doesn't have her shit together for her daughter? What kind of moam doesn't work and take care daunh What kind of mom 1oses her What kind of mom doesn't have a nice place and a school set up for her daughter? and aware of these thoughts or not t The hard truth undemeath it all was that I was grieving. I had been grieving most of my life. I of retreats therapy tears and shifts I came to hert d what Iwas HEAL fiected back to me). Iwas grieving my dreams desires and passions orievina my lo ected and shamed. I had become so shut down afraid and walled off from the world that the big beautiful bolo ansual radiant parts of me had become What Gret felt lke a loss turned qut to he the biggest miracle of my life. A miracle of love rising in mow is a miracle (pain and py ebame arief d d lif- and oh way from my childhood to now The separation with a of that being a huge part s a nas pme fmth always wanted AND it is a path I would ve nath has beon Luoudt.chang#foethe upd l wouldt be here e that neabingdit has the power to create new worlds where women are free from the role of 'mother" depths of my soul to yours.as much as you er is more love and nurnese for unu bere The world needs vour light Thaa o laed wat tne wand wasmisang trom playing dreaming and creating The color ense ai e to wembe ild bot thet d e knows no bounds Living my pleasure is the areatest aift I can possioy ge yd and te chren t eirs Im traveling, dancing, and living in the city of my choice with incredible supportive friends when it would be my tum to play and have fun. sat on the sider ong Lbwe the power to make my dreams come true LOVE created the miracle that is now my life daughter2 Me renon is thisshe is pot trust that every decision make smply only to her but to every child woman and man on this planet@P The whole post of the mom and boyfriend having sex with the 2.5 yr old in the room
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Facebook, Lol, and Pof: Ok, well I got a few 2 Hi Today questions for you before I tell you my offer, so just bare SO Hey girl, I have an offer for with me for a bit, only like 3 questions lol, first question, can you, a chance to make some you see your ribs? like are they $$, NOT asking for any kind visible? lol of sexual favors either lol, 12:50 PM and NOTHING illegal, but it I can see my ribs they are semi visible is REALLY WEIRD though more so depending on how im standing or laying haha, hmu if your interested in 12:53 PM knowing more about it: Ok lol, now, what if you lay 1248 PM down on your back and like stretch out? are they more Im interested what do you have in mind visible that way? 3 4 5 I can see my ribs they are semi visible more so depending on how im standing You could count them may I know why or laying now 12:53 1:0 Ok last question lol, while laying Ok lol, now, what if you lay Ok lol well here is my offer!! If down on your back, if you suck down on your back and like I give you my Facebook info stretch out? are they more in your stomach as much as can you record and send me a visible that way? you can, how well can you make couple videos of your ribs? just 12:54 PM a fyi, im NOT asking you for them show? if your not sure, ANY nude videos, im not going Yes they are very visible that way please check if your able to lol. to disrespect you like that and its not sexual either, and ill pay you for them to!!) im a weird guy lol. My sister is pretty skinny and got this umm interesting request on POF

My sister is pretty skinny and got this umm interesting request on POF

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Facebook, Lol, and Pof: Ok, well I got a few 2 Hi Today questions for you before I tell you my offer, so just bare SO Hey girl, I have an offer for with me for a bit, only like 3 questions lol, first question, can you, a chance to make some you see your ribs? like are they $$, NOT asking for any kind visible? lol of sexual favors either lol, 12:50 PM and NOTHING illegal, but it I can see my ribs they are semi visible is REALLY WEIRD though more so depending on how im standing or laying haha, hmu if your interested in 12:53 PM knowing more about it: Ok lol, now, what if you lay 1248 PM down on your back and like stretch out? are they more Im interested what do you have in mind visible that way? 3 4 5 I can see my ribs they are semi visible more so depending on how im standing You could count them may I know why or laying now 12:53 1:0 Ok last question lol, while laying Ok lol, now, what if you lay Ok lol well here is my offer!! If down on your back, if you suck down on your back and like I give you my Facebook info stretch out? are they more in your stomach as much as can you record and send me a visible that way? you can, how well can you make couple videos of your ribs? just 12:54 PM a fyi, im NOT asking you for them show? if your not sure, ANY nude videos, im not going Yes they are very visible that way please check if your able to lol. to disrespect you like that and its not sexual either, and ill pay you for them to!!) im a weird guy lol. My sister is really skinny and sent me these screenshots from a guy on POF. He didn't get verbally abusive but ummm it's weird. Well, you'll see.

My sister is really skinny and sent me these screenshots from a guy on POF. He didn't get verbally abusive but ummm it's weird. Well, you'll...

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Videos, Birds, and Baby: RA This big baby is scared of storms so she gets her blanket, her pillow, and some videos of birds.

This big baby is scared of storms so she gets her blanket, her pillow, and some videos of birds.

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7/11, Bad, and Energy: An 7/11/2019, 4:29:26 PM (33 mins) There IS NO Satellites up there. Period. Some balloons with satellites tethered on to them in the earth own atmosphere, yes. But NOT in space Its a joke. Here's why .. We are told that Geostationary Orbit can ONLY be achieved at an altitude of 22,236 miles away from earth, and that a Satellite HAS to be directly above the Equator Let this sink in for a moment !! Satellite that is (supposedly) WE are pointing a dish, from the earth, at 22,236 miles away, that's traveling at 6,935mph to maintain a perfectly synchronous orbit with the 1,040mph rotating earth?? Really?? lol Bullshit At present, we do not have ONE authentic photo of the earth (or Satellites for that matter) from outer space. Think about it. with all the Technology we have at present, (supposed) Satellites, and the ISS WHY are there not 1,000's of pictures and videos of earth taken from space at this point in time? There should be a 24 hour TV channel with a camera mounted on a Satellite, pointed at the planet, from out in space, just showing the earth.. spinning. There is none! I will say this right out !! NO SATELLITES EXIST. Period! Think about it WHY do we even need Cell towers IF Satellites really exist? Yet Nixon (supposedly) called the moon in 1969 ?1? lol! President 99% of international calls, text messages and Internet transmissions, are ferried through (submarine) cables that stretch across continents at the bottom of the ocean floor. For other means, we use High-Altitude Balloons, Planes and Drones, Towers, Antennas and Parabolic Reflectors as a means of Telecommunication. NOT SATELLITES!!! Hybrid fiber-coaxial (HFC) is a telecommunications industry term for a broadband network that combines optical fibre and coaxial cable. It has been commonly employed globally by cable television operators since the early 1990s. (There is no need for Satellites Satellites are made of Gold, Aluminium and titanium carbon fibres. The area in which satellites are located are typically said to be in the thermosphere range. Temperatures in the thermosphere can range from about 500° C (932 F) to 2,000 C (3,632° F) or higher to say it's HOT up there would be an understatement Now.... Here's the thing, and why I say all this . The melting temperatures for these elements on satellites Are.. Gold Melting point: 1337.33 K (1064.18 °C, 1947.52 °F) Silver Melting point 1761F 961C Platinum Melting point 3224F 1773C Ruby - Melting point: 2050°C Sapphire Melting point 2040 °C Diamond Melting point 3550C 4827F Gold Melting point 1,064 °C Titanium Melting point 1,668 C Aluminium Melting point 660.3 °C (look it up!) Heat travels through a vacuum by infrared radiation, so yes, heat does occur in the vacuum of space. If you answer NO. Heat radiation IS possible in a vacuum, thats how the suns energy reaches us. Thus satellites conduct heat, so they would melt Satellites WOULD MELT in that area of (so called) IF THEY REALLY EXISTED! And thats cause they don't exist, except in Your indoctrinated minds. Another reason is, is Satellites aren't used because they can't carry terabytes of data for less than a billion dollars per communication line. The bandwidth available using a single fiber optic cable and a laser beam is much much greater than you can get from a single satellite radio channel. This is due to the higher frequency and shorter wavelength of light compared to microwaves. The higher the frequency, the greater the bandwidth. An undersea cable is a bundle of MANY fibre optic cables. Consider each fiber cable as a channel. You can have more channels, each with a higher capacity, than you can build radio channels into a satellite. The uplinks and downlinks cost and putting the satellite in space is a costly. The delay for satellite communications would be around 255ms both uplink and downlink. For continuous traffic this not to a bad price to pay. But for burst traffic (like voice) you pay for the delay at each pause. Finally, you can fix a broken cable. But, once you launch a satellite, you don't get a chance to fix it if it gets broke. So.. again, Satellites do NOT exist, but only in CGI created Selfie photos from NASA.. and in your imaginations !! It's All Garbage Shares Comment Like Share Why Satellites Don't Exist - by A. Fking Moron.
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Cute, God, and Just Do It: tumblr. Follow timemachineyeah What if by alien standards we are really cute? And I don't mean like attractive cute, I mean like baby otter cute. What if the stumble upon us and go Fohhhhh my god!!! Oh my god!l! I'm dying this is- look at it! Look at them!!! Oh my god!l!l We usually imagine having to come up with some Devils trade or unholy arrangement to get tech and trade with aliens, but the instant they see us the aliens immediately set out into conservation efforts. They're like their habitat is becoming harsh and unlivable for them! We have to save them! And everyone just puts a picture of us next to this information and they all agree Look at them! We have to save them!!" We become like the panda mascots of intergalactic conservation efforts. Simultaneously, our main export is just streams, videos, holograms, and photos of us. Aliens lose their composure completely over videos of us sneezing or yawning or eating pop tarts or playing video games or taking care of our kids. There are lines of aliens who would LOVE to have a human in their home or on their ship. It's a little condescending (we're not sure if we're guests or well treated exotic pets) but still a good opportunity, and any human who wants can go to space at any time basically for free or even for profit, and the aliens will go out of their way to give you anything you ask for. There are obvious downsides. We struggle to be taken seriously. While it's usually shut down pretty quickly, every once in a while some alien group sees the demand for us and tries to start an illegal trade. But at the same time, it's neat that somewhere out there is an alien (or usually a LOT of aliens) that would love you unconditionally, find every flaw and idiosyncrasy endearing, be worried about you and do anything they could to make you safe and happy. They work hard to make our planet and our personal lives better and don't ask for anything in return. They just do it because they decided we are important and worth saving just for existing. It's an odd relationship, and we're not always sure what to make of it, but honestly it goes a lot better than we worried alien contact would #timemachine wuz here 76,614 notes Humans as space otters

Humans as space otters

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Alive, Being Alone, and Bad: MOTHERHOOD... I've never been one to pretend to like something don't and motherhood was one of those dislikes for me. The expectations of motherhood my brain downloaded for the sake of inclusion and connection (as a mother) fucking sucked. I bucked kicked and screamed at them the whole way. My anger was always bubbling beneath the surface ready to come out and react at every 'little' thing. Yet, thing is it WASNT 'little' was never about the spilled milk, the poopy messes, or the loud toys. It was about how deprived of love, passion, and turn on I was. My cup was more than empty so the little things always came out BIG. I didn't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with myself much less another human being. T remember it getting so bad that I ended up screaming in my infant because I felt sleep deprived and powerless to what she needed. face when she was an Her dad was asleep on the couch pretending to stay asleep because he had work. I felt utterly alone and enslaved to the needs of another human being. It was the perfect recipe for anger and resentment. I was selling my soul for money and 'cookies' following the footsteps of a civilized American mom while my wild heart cried out in pain so deep that not even could hear her. I had pushed her down so far that the only ways I knew how to deal with the grief of that separation at the time was reactivity sex and work. I felt trapped in a world I didn't want to live in. I felt enslaved to an image I wanted to shatter. I wanted more for my life and creating it especially under the belief that a mother |and felt powerless to MUST ALWAYS be with her children. I mean if that was true then I was fucked and so was she. When felt a hunger rising in me. I wanted to feel wanted again and sex seemed like the next best thing. A quick and easy fix to patch over the gaping grief I couldn't bare to look at was about 1 I started going on Tinder. I After I started meeting guys for quick fucks it became clear how much I wanted to escape my reality as a mother It became clear that I wanted to feel pleasure...that wanted to feel ALIVE and even though sex seemed like the answer it wasn't. Time passed and I got bored with Tinder. I started focusing on my career and ended up meeting a guy at an intuitive arts fair. There was IMMEDIATE sexual chemistry We started dating and my sex drive went through the roof. Not only was he better than the shotty tinder material he was well seasoned in his sexuality He gave me permission to express my sexuality in new and exciting ways that I had been longing for. I felt alive again and I attributed it to him. I spent as much time with him as possible and would have Baby sitters and family to watch about every weekend. just I was addicted to feeling alive thinking it came from HIM. I had no idea that he was pointing to something that I had long forgotten within me. I often felt wrong for having so much fun (without when we were apart I never thought of her enough to text to see how she was. I felt guilty thinking that I should be like every other mom and sacrifice myself for her but deep down I knew that that wouldn't help me OR her. I started to see that the more I was happy the more she was happy. It was this fleeting happiness that had become dependent on whether or not I was with my bf or not. The less time I spent with him the more went into feeling angry and powerless. I was relying on him to BE my source of pleasure. I still had no idea what it felt like to feel turned on in my own light I spent a lot of time online sharing emotional videos of how motherhood was wearing on me. I eventually started talking about sex. I was having so much fun with my bf and my online followers that I made a sex group where I encouraged us all to share sex stories in a safe space. As the posts trickled in a mom had mentioned how she rarely has sex because her kids are always around Being the rebel that I was wanting to push the boundaries of society and not really thinking l responded saying "Oh I've had sex in the same room before I was bouncing on his cock while as she was bouncing on his chest." Given that no context was shared around this statement I started receiving messages telling me "you're going to rot in jail." This is the hardest part of my story to share by the way Mostly because so many judgments can still be made around what I said..that what I share here can still be witch hunted judged and made wrong. My post was turned in a long with a picture of me and in the bathtub where she was pouring water on my leg which was also made to be perverted. On the afternoon of August 1st I got a call from CPS and set up a visit with them. Later that night the police broke down my door with a warrant to seize my electronics They found a picture I had taken of playing naked in a tub in my bfs backyard while he was sitting naked on the couch in the background. That was, as you can imagine, enough for them to take me in under the charge 'indecent exposure with a child' At that point I was in pure shock. I couldn't feel a thing or smile for months and Even though my story is dramatic my hope is that you don't get so caught up in the drama that you miss the bittersweet beauty of the journey itself Shock was the beginning of the mom image shattering for me....Resistance was the second. The STRUCTURE of motherhood, as it stands today, is a slow kill DRUG. Forgiveness is a RESULT that comes naturally when you begin to live your life for you simply because it FEELS GOOD A woman's right to heal AWAY from her children is vital to the healing of our world. Woman posts long winded rant about how much she hates motherhood and the story of her child being taken away by CPS - she uses her story and FB as a platform to be a "motivational speaker." This is just a snippet of the insanity.
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