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Bitch, Christmas, and Clothes: File: 1082035704 ipg (59 KB, 550x448) Anonymous (ID: 3al 4T 12/08/14(Mon)0011:05 No.583664070 83665397583665420583666337583666812583667746583667904583672141 583673458583673567583675053583675342 ITT: Post things that have had a lasting effect on you that you cannot forget, no matter how much you try. 'l go first >Be me, third grade >Dad works for honeywell and has to go to work really early >I still have to go to school & no mom to get me ready >Dad talks to my soccer coach, since his son also goes to my school >Soccer coach says my dad can drop me off in the moming and they'll make sure I get fed and get to class >Time goes by and I am adjusting to this new schedule >I never liked the soccer coaches s/o's cooking, often made my bowels shifty > Rancid shits every time >I always eat at their house out of manners and such, dont wanna be rude >good kid is good Then it happened >One moming I woke up, feeling crazier than usual >Decided to try and like their food, because its alll I was gonna have for a whiles >Mom walks up to the table where me and her son is waiting patiently Son, what do you want to eat today? Waffles, or some super yummy soupy eggs? What the fuck is soupy eggs >Please god dont fucking pick the soupy eggs Soupy eggs! Soupy eggs! >Fucking fuck, wrong day to decide to "like it She cracks eggs open onto the hot pan >literally on there less than a minute >Puts the eggs on plates with bread >Not toast, bread >Gives us eggnog to top it off (This was around Christmas) Dig in, Sonl Anon, do your parents ever make soupy eggs? Mom is kill. Dad doesn't make soupy eggs. "No. I look down at the soupy eggs Parts of it are sort of yellowish-mostly just a white or clear liquidy goo >I force myself to eat it because I am kind >The consistency is revolting The cold winter air cooled the soupy eggs before I began to eat it >I am doing my best to not gag or vomit >Not sure if chew or directly swallow >Tried to chew Wrong anwser "Anon! No smackin' lips at the table! >Bitch mother must have thought the goo noises were me chewing with my mouth open Cont Anonymous (ID: a 583665706 583666582583667 12/08/14(Mon)00:18:58 No.583665420 2667330583674618367939948357155858357356783623235583674997 583664070 (OP) Cont >When the soupy eggs reach my stomach the nausea intensifies 10x >Try to wash it down >Eggnog Same fucking consistency as the soupy eggs >Now erping vomit is filling my mouth >Swallow it >So fucking afraid that people will get mad at me > Dad wasn't the kindest, feared his wrath > Now crying "Moml Something is wrong with Anonl >Fuck-my-life.jpg "Whats wrong. anon? >Ivomit everywhere, all over the soupy eggs and table > My clothes are covered in vomit >I look down to see the damage >See more soupy eggs covered in stomach acid, vomit more >Christ Save me After that, she freaked the fuck out, and called my dad AND the paramedics. The son of the soccer kid told everyone at school - bullying commences My dad was raging pissed because now he had to find an altemative or he'd be fired >Anytime I see runny eggs I have to suppress an anxiety attack >Eggnog is the devil >I loath the holidays Fuck my life. /b/ Anon tries Soupy Eggs
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Bbb, Bored, and Girls: ile: Screenshot from 2017-07-1(.). png (86 KB, 1015x1027) tech autism stories Anonymous 07/15/17(Sat)23:23:35 No.61393331 >61393674 >»61393693 »61393712>»6139371761393745 61393763 >»61393849 61393900 61394382 >be me, solo sysadmin of company of 100 employees bored one day change all the server hostnames to animu names modt files are all ascii girls with lewd text (pic related) A few months later >Over the phone intercom >"Alek, the PCI compliance officer is on his way up" shit shit shit >quickly hide playstation, close /g/ tabs Compliance officer walks into office >"Don't worry, I just need to log in and run a few commands" Watch in silent horror as he opens up terminal session T have never been so devastated in my entire life. The look of confusion, anger, and disappointment on this 50 year old mans face killed me inside So how is your day going? mm;;; ; ; ; XXXXXXXXXXXXX:: : : : : : mF; ; ;:::XXXXXXXXX j;; ; ; ; XXX .#; : :XXX# x. |X:. XX:::: | XX: : #: XXX### #XXX ## XX:: XXX XXX###### LxX: -" T##XXXXXY V###XX#' ####XXX "####XXXX## #####XXX#" XXXX# #########" V#XX # " ##XXXXXX ##XXXX Fuck me in the eth0 Aleksi "V##L "###XXXX. ###XXXX #####X . m###m##L ####XX # m###m " ###XX# XXX##### X###, mF" ######XXX X####. XX"####t ***** d " YL-"##XX"S" "########## L. "##XS.f dXX "A##L mx dXX xL J Xd% XdX BL X## X X## X T#SS" j#sss# X##%X x## %X ##DS.\## ##BBS. T ######; ###BBS. T ######## jL ##BSSS. T####### . : # | ##WWBBBSS. T ####F C:# WWWBSSS| **** ## www TE #L . ## #### J L ##****. cf:::Li####wwwwSSS I#" ,c%%%: : : ' . . . L####WWWBBSS] %%%: : : : '.... | #####WWBBDS. .. #####WWWWDDS : ########. :m. .m. J;L ;; ; ;B ABB# #####wwwwWws #####WWWWWWB : : : : : BBB# ##* ;dBBB# ### ; ; : BBB# ##### ; BB####### ; ###WWWWWWW ###WWWWWWW ********w dBB#f#ft# BI ######WWWWBBBL ##BB ####BBB #####WWWWBBBB #####wwwwWBBB ####BBB #####WWWBBB #****B8 ##. .W##P ###BBB " j### #### #1e########### . #####*#########mml 1 B# #####F^^^ p^^"HHAA^Y #lT#### BB###/ ####### Bj |####mm i##########mm . . WWWSRR# ###########mmmr ######xx - . . . : : : | " ###f ":: "j# #F Yj ### # nmn . mmm##########PPPPP#####m . lj ### ##############^^ * n T######^aaun. .umF^^^Tx ##mmmm . mm##PPPF"... . "m li#### . mmm###PPP : muuuummmmmm###^. ##### d##### #Xww#A###: Y##mPPP P I # f Anon is a weeb
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Apparently, Beautiful, and Books: lOptus 4G 1:26 pm 4 69% EP tries to kidnap my daughter and get me arrested. Gets shut down by kind store greeter. a Well, I've read many stories on here and never thought it would happen to me, but here I am after this morning's altercation. Also, on mobile, so bear with me here. A little long but will try to shorten what I can due to character limit. Cast of this tale: Me-self explanatory EP- a most robust Karen SG- the awesome store greeter SM-store manager So for some background that's related to the story, I have a daughter who's 1.5 years old as of last week. I'm ex-military and my wife is currently active duty but is stationed elsewhere in the world for another year. Our daughter is absolutely beautiful and loves to wave and say "hi!" to anyone that walks by and it's awesome to see people's faces light up because of it. Now, she's gotten more of her looks from her mother (main point for later) except for nose, her eyes which are blue whereas I have green but everyone on my mother's side has blue, and my cheek dimples. Now for the incident. This morning we woke up and I realized we needed some more milk and a few food items to hold us over until next payday. So I get us dressed and head down to the store. After finding a pretty good spot, I park and am immediately confronted by our villain EP. She starts saying how her daughter is at soccer practice and she came to the store to buy the team a snack only to realize she forgot her wallet. I politely say that I don't carry cash on me and can't give her anything. She begs a little more and then relents as she stamps her foot down and huffs off in a red-faced storm of emotions. I didn't think anything of it and went about my day. As we get our cart and walk through the doors we greet the SG who has seen us come in hundreds of times at this point and he gives her one of those smiley face stickers. All is good as we get what we need from each aisle but I notice that the EP is quickly looping from aisle to aisle almost as if in a hurry but I pay no mind. Not two minutes later as I'm thinking about choices of dinner from the frozen section, I hear the most audible gasp 've ever heard in my life follow by a screeching banshee-call of a scream: "HELLLLP! THIS MAN IS TRYING TO KIDNAP MY DAUGHTER!" Being a parent, I'm immediately cautious and start looking around only to notice EP clasping her face and looking towards my direction. She then proceeds to sprint towards me and tries to yank the cart from my hands to no avail since I'm not letting anyone try to snatch my daughter away Me- "Excuse me, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" EP: Loudly to make sure other people hear, "What am I doing?! What are you doing trying to kidnap MY daughter?!" I give a really shocked and confused look as a man, who I now know was the manager, skirts around the corner quickly to see what was going on. EP- "Sir, please! This man is trying to kidnap my daughter!" Me- "Uh, no. This crazy woman came screaming out of nowhere claiming that MY daughter is her daughter EP- "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE YOU!" Me(an intellectual)- "You know, there are things called genes, lady, and not every child gets the same amount of characteristics from each parent. My daughter has gotten more from her mother than from m-" EP(cutting me off)- "SEE?! HE CAN'T EVEN PROVE SHE'S NOT MINE CAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HIM! SHE OBVIOUSLY LOOKS MORE LIKE ME, HER ACTUAL MOTHER!" At this point the manager hasn't gotten a word in and is doing that hand motion that Ricky Bobby did when he didn't know what to do with them and standing there gawking, clueless as to what to do. Then comes in the man of the hour, SG, I'm assuming on break on drawn to the commotion He realizes what's going on a books it over to us and asks what's happening. EP screeches into his face her accusations and he's stunned for a moment and then gains composure back. SG- "Actually, ma'am, I personally greeted this man and HIS daughter when they came through earlier." EP then doubles back and claims that I took her from her in the parking lot before coming in to shop. To which the SM and SG look at her like the stupidest person in the world. SG- "Ma'am. I've seen these two come in here almost every week or so for the past year. Now unless somehow you can explain how this man has managed to do that and suddenly kidnap your daughter literally 30 minutes ago, I think you should leave before I go and have the cop parked outside come pay you a visit." Upon hearing this, she tries to push her cart into the way of the SM and SG and makes a B-line straight to the front door before running smack into the afore-mentioned cop who, I'm assuming, someone had said something to upon hearing EP screeching. Keeping long details short, I didn't press charges but did throw a passing mention to the officer that maybe somebody should have a talk with this EP's actual daughter at the local parks' soccer field. Edit: I know people are saying I should've pressed charges but the officer that was there said that the woman was apparently already being investigated for doing similar crazy shit in boughts of "Manic Depressive episodes." And I gave both a statement and my info and that I would be contacted for further help in their case. So at this point, it's a wait and see and I am currently in talks with finding a good lawyer just incase. 1.8k 82 Share BEST COMMENTS Add a comment Tailor Automatic Screenshot Stitching Convenient cop is convenient.
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Bones, Dad, and Home: Once he hears the car door close and beep (signaling daddy is home), he frantically searches for one of his four favorite bones to proudly display once his dad walks inside. #dailyritual

Once he hears the car door close and beep (signaling daddy is home), he frantically searches for one of his four favorite bones to proudly d...

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Clothes, Family, and Makeup: 2:41 wouldn't step out of the house without being readay Tor the day with full hair and makeup. I should've never I'll spare you from all of the details of the obnoxious 45-minute conversation I got stuck in with an older, white male at the grocery store earlier today (as I kept creeping away and trying to find a nice way to say I had to go). But, here are some highlights for your entertainment. left there." Me: *Wearing workout clothes, no makeup and my hair in a messy bun* -- Him: In a few years when your kids are older, your husband can go back to work. (After telling him I started my own business and my husband joined it recently.) Me: Well, our plan is for this business to grow and continue to support our family longterm. We have no intention of him going back to work. Him: Well, I would keep multiple options open. Him: Back when I lived in Venezuela, those women wouldn't step out of the house without being ready for the day with full hair and makeup. I should've never left there." Me: *Wearing workout clothes, hair in a messy bun* makeup and my no -- Him: Luckily it looks like Trump will get reelected. Me: *eye roll* Him: What you don't like Trump?" Me: Not in a million years. -- Him: In a few years when your kids are older, your husband can go back to work. (After telling him I started my own business and my husband joined it recently.) Me: Well, continue to support our family longterm. We have no intention of him going back to work. Him: Well, I would keep multiple options open. Him: Tell me one reason why. Me: His policies are rooted in hate, and he only cares about himself and those who put money in his pocket. Him: Oh you need to stop watching so much TV. It's teaching you the wrong things. Me: We'll agree to disagree. It was nice talking to you and have a nice day. *I try to shake his hand but he ignores me, then laughs and walks away.* our plan is for this business to grow and Him: Luckily it looks like Trump will get reelected Me: *eye roll* Him: What you don't like Trump?" Me: Not in a million years. Him: Tell me one reason why. Me: His policies are rooted in hate, and he only cares about himself and those who put money in his pocket Him: Oh you need to stop watching so much TV. It's teaching you the wrong things. I'm so thankful to be a part of this generation and am proud of the steps we're taking to change the ways of old. And this man certainly reminded me of that today. Like Send Comment Spending 45 minutes talking to an “asshole?” Ooookay.
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