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Apparently, Ass, and Drunk: snarling-through-our-smiles I once lost my keys at a frat house. My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully- disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch. Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out do not remember The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house. I stood there, right in front of the front door. This was a novel experience for me. I'd never been at a frat house in broad daylight before. A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. "I lost my keys in here last night, I called back. "I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?" He opened the door and gestured for me o come in. "Go wherever you want." I'd never seen a frat house post-party Derore. Wandering up the stairs a by hungover and still-drunk frat boys sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light. A few of them threw puzzled glances my way. I'm sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination. I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller- esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed. "Do you like dog movies?" he asked, voice from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket. I told him I did. e mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking my keys. "Sorry, I haven't seen any keys around bere I didn't doubt him. Twenty minutes had passed. I'd searched just about every bedroom and nuclear- at dumn-site of a bathroom in that house. I'd given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates' forgiveness and get a new set copied. As I stood there in the hallway, silently a particularly burly frat boy approached me. "You need help with something? "I lost my keys here last night and I can't find them, I've looked everywhere. "What do they look like? I'll put it into the group chat. He was already pulling out his phone. No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell. It was worth a shot. "Um, it's just a ring of keys. The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big. Like bright pink, you can't miss He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat. "Alright, I sent the message out. Good luck. e turned and left. And with that, A few moments later, I heard a distant and it was getting louder and louder, One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me. "Someone tell the girl!" One of them shouted, faceless in the mob. "Girl! Hey, GIRL! We found your keys, girl!!! They circled around me. I hadn't felt that old, One of them split himself off from the crowd. "Are these -"he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, "your keys? And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring. "Yes,"I whispered. "Oh my god, yes." "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYY!!" The cheer went up. Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs. I thanked them again profusely. There was a scattered round of "no problems" and then, just suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night. gatorfisch THIS is boys will be boys Nice Frathouse
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Tumblr, Shark, and Blog: cyber-moth: daco-broman: a-40k-author: A 392 year-old shark found in the Arctic. This guy was wandering the oceans back in 1627. bro just chillin @gothic-slug

cyber-moth: daco-broman: a-40k-author: A 392 year-old shark found in the Arctic. This guy was wandering the oceans back in 1627. bro just...

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Tumblr, Blog, and Http: tinyish:there is a pink pigeon wandering around nyc I wonder how she got here

tinyish:there is a pink pigeon wandering around nyc I wonder how she got here

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Anaconda, College, and God: PIRITS bookhobbit why is "olde vampires in high school" the big thing and not "olde vampires in college" everyone in college is eccentric. everyone you wanna wear full on Victorian suit? the girl in pajamas who clearly hasn't slept in three days supports you everyone is too preoccupied to care as long as you're polite and follow class etiquette multiple high school diplomas? eh. same stuff. multiple BAs? Enjoy learning chemistry AND art history! All in detail! wandering around campus at 3am? that's just the lifestyle tm * no matter how old or young you look it's not really that weird, there's sixteen year olds and sixty year olds doing BAs somewhere big schools are very anonymous so nobody's gonna bother to hassle you * anorthernskyatdawn the girl in pyjamas is the vampire themauvesoul Also: If u put ur blood in a water bottle ppl will assume it's juice and be Jealous "Oh god I'm a monster" 20 students who r all procrastinating big projects say "same simultaniousely and with the exact same tone Everything is a joke so if u say "I subsist on the lifeblood of mankind" someone will go "lol what a mood* It would take u like 100 years to major in everything Seen sucking the blood of a fellow classmate and u r instantly the campus Cryptid and Mascoft Listen. If u have an ethical dilemma go find a philosophy major that believes in ethical subjectivism and they'll make u so angry u forget abt whatever the fuck was bothering u College is the only acceptable place to get into fistfights over classical literature * e * iterally all u need to do to avoid suspicion is be the guy that alway:s has qum and a stapler If u have a majestic mustache ppl will just assume ur an English major Allergic to crosses? Cool. So r certain stem majors. e * College Vampires
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