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Ass, Beer, and Dating: Call FaceTime Add Contact Text Message I'm David. Your contact last month has "W O N'! Go to http://winyourxmas.com? FAJJHAKKFG and try - 6426 Wut? I don't know who this is? David? From like 2nd grade?! Dude I haven't talked to you in forever! Holy shit man! How have you been?! heard you got married to Karen. Dude, that's awesome. I'll admit it was a little weird for me when you two started dating given our history, but I'm so stoked for you. I mean, she was like my girlfriend for 9 years and we were engaged. Then you knowI lost my job because of my drinking problem.. And then lost our house because of my cocaine problem... And then there's the fact I started beating her senseless because I was lashing out and she was the always the closet thing around that made me feel better when I hit it... lol does she still walk with that limp after I pushed her down the stairs? God, memories man, ya know? Actually don't tell her I said that. She probably won't think it's funny. She doesn't really talk to me anymore. How did her reconstructive jaw surgery go? At least is made her fat ass skinny because she had to eat through a straw right?! lolll you owe me a beer for that one dude. I still have a lot of her stuff actually. She got that restraining order against me so I didn't know what to do with it so it's just in a box sitting in the middle of my barren living room. Sometimes when I pick up a bottle and skip out on my AA meetings I just sit here and stare at it. It's actually making me kinda sad right now. No one could burn a TV dinner or take a hit like her you know? Damn, I shouldn't have looked inside this box. All this stuff and memories. I want her back David. Dude, stop. Then don't text me this stupid contest shit asshole. OText Message Send QWERTYUIO P ASD F GH JKL ZX CVBNM 123 return space Me irl
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Tumblr, Blog, and Her: baited-in: I want her to hug me. Mothra did some serious workout

baited-in: I want her to hug me. Mothra did some serious workout

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Another One, Bad, and Barbie: er er KINDER SURPRISE 2OG KINGER SURPRISE T-1 1.17 KS GIRLS 20G KINDER SURPRISE GIRL 1.17 bizarre-transmission: findingfeather: wetwareproblem: thoughts-of-an-x-factor: ohgressfuriosa: castiel-knight-of-hell: jen-kollic: thejollity: jen-kollic: hobopoppins: manaphy: wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS. I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs. So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.” I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry. And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs. This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it. Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers. I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.” Confetti. The fucking confetti. It barely covered 5% of the image. Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.” I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.” This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids. So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well… in sociology class we were talking about gender being assigned to objects and one of the male students started saying how forward thinking he is because he buys his daughter sports equipment and “boy toys”. I asked if he’d do the same if he had a son and he said “Of course I’d buy my son sports equipment”. I clarified “No, would you buy him dolls and other toys that are thought of as being for girls”. He turned around and didn’t answer. Parents will pat themselves on the back for letting their little girls play baseball but a little boy with a Barbie is still considered an affront to society Fuck everything. My father was one of these parents (along with several other harmful issues!), and even though I know, for an absolute fact, that his world views and ways are entirely wrong, this shit he tried to ingrain into me still effects me to this day.Parents, don’t ruin your fucking kids by treating them like this. I wonder how much of the “mothers police masculinity more” phenomenon comes back to “when a man fails at masculinity, we call him a mama’s boy and blame her for it.” A lot of it. It doesn’t really excuse it, and as someone who did a decade and a half of childcare I can tell you that for every woman who does as described above there’s one sneaking the Dora the Explorer fruit snacks because those are the ones her son loves but his father will flip his shit. Or being crushed that since he went to daycare he suddenly won’t do “girl stuff” bc the other boys will make fun of him. It’s really sad either way. But when it does manifest that way a huge amount is “I’m not raising a mama’s boy I’m raising a MAN!” And it’s gross. My nephew is 4 and we’ve NEVER gendered things with him, whenever he’s allowed a treat or a toy, we just ask him which one he wants and that’s it, sometimes he picks out cars and superhero toys, other times he wants dolls and pretty pink things, I let him choose his prize at a carnival last summer and he excitedly picked a big hot pink inflatable baseball bat that said “princess” on it, the looks we got from some people were astounding. And even if he does turn out to be “you know”, then good for him, he’ll be wholeheartedly loved and supported.
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Tumblr, Blog, and Cool: lynaiss: She is so cool, I want her to bench press me TAT

lynaiss: She is so cool, I want her to bench press me TAT

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Advice, Af, and Beautiful: About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I'm looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, "Excuse me, miss. Please don't be offended by this." And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af Anyway, she follows it up with, "My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She's a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I'm afraid because I don't know what to do with her hair It's a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total loss. l've tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he's still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don't have the time, it's okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful." Y'all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to fol- low natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad. And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he's braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who l know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful. This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

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Advice, Af, and Beautiful: About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I'm looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, "Excuse me, miss. Please don't be offended by this." And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af Anyway, she follows it up with, "My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She's a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I'm afraid because I don't know what to do with her hair It's a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total loss. l've tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he's still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don't have the time, it's okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful." Y'all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to fol- low natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad. And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he's braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who l know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful. This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

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Another One, Bad, and Barbie: er er KINDER SURPRISE 2OG KINGER SURPRISE T-1 1.17 KS GIRLS 20G KINDER SURPRISE GIRL 1.17 thoughts-of-an-x-factor: ohgressfuriosa: castiel-knight-of-hell: jen-kollic: thejollity: jen-kollic: hobopoppins: manaphy: wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS. I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs. So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.” I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry. And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs. This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it. Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers. I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.” Confetti. The fucking confetti. It barely covered 5% of the image. Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.” I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.” This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids. So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well… in sociology class we were talking about gender being assigned to objects and one of the male students started saying how forward thinking he is because he buys his daughter sports equipment and “boy toys”. I asked if he’d do the same if he had a son and he said “Of course I’d buy my son sports equipment”. I clarified “No, would you buy him dolls and other toys that are thought of as being for girls”. He turned around and didn’t answer. Parents will pat themselves on the back for letting their little girls play baseball but a little boy with a Barbie is still considered an affront to society Fuck everything. My father was one of these parents (along with several other harmful issues!), and even though I know, for an absolute fact, that his world views and ways are entirely wrong, this shit he tried to ingrain into me still effects me to this day.Parents, don’t ruin your fucking kids by treating them like this.
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Tumblr, Blog, and Happy: mandareeboo: Scorpia is the sweetest, gayest character in this already gay show and I just want her to be happy and maybe snuggle with Catra a little

mandareeboo: Scorpia is the sweetest, gayest character in this already gay show and I just want her to be happy and maybe snuggle with Catr...

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Beer, Children, and Clothes: www.veprikov.com spikesjojo: gothiccharmschool: deviantart: seerofsarcasm: satamoru: plintoon: satamoru: zoann: colormecalm: nonimaginaryfriend: americanairliines: Old hag by *veprikov Being a witch is not the highest paid job in the world. I JUST WANT HER TO GET HER PRETTY PURPLE HAT AND BE HAPPY I would kill for a companion piece to this, where she gets her hat.. Im sobbing. no seriously why hasn’t any replied to this image with a picture of her in the pretty hat c’mon tumblr please Well it’s not much, but here’s a comic:  Enjoy! DEAD Reblog every one of these happy end comics I don’t even care Forever reblog. ❤️ Why yes, I will always reblog the happy endings people have given to this illustration. BECAUSE THAT DELIGHTFUL ELDERLY WITCH DESERVES TO BE HAPPY WITH THE FANCY PURPLE HAT. When I Am Old. When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me, And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired, And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells, And run my stick along the public railings, And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens, And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat, And eat three pounds of sausages at a go, Or only bread and pickle for a week, And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry, And pay our rent and not swear in the street, And set a good example for the children. We will have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised, When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple! Jenny Joseph

spikesjojo: gothiccharmschool: deviantart: seerofsarcasm: satamoru: plintoon: satamoru: zoann: colormecalm: nonimaginaryfriend: ame...

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