Christmas, Target, and The Onion: o Telstra
I just took a teary old lady for a coffee..
It started when I asked if I could squeeze past her in
Target, and she immediately burst into tears, saying
"don't worry, I'm in everyone's way this Christmas. My
grandkids won't even come and see me."
She was lovely, but sad - she said everyone is acting
too busy for her, saying that they'll drop in this week
to get their presents and then just give her a ring on
Christmas Day. Granted, I don't know the whole story
but I would kill to be able to see any of my
grandparents at Christmas time... the ones on the
other side of the world, and the ones much further
away... if yours are close by, and still around, give
them a squeeze on Christmas Day. They won't be here
4 hrs .
Bad, Best Friend, and Clothes: 4 points 22 hours ago
I KNOW this is going ro sound freaky and like a lie but it's the truth: When I was about 17 my best friend invited me
to go to the beach with her and her boyfriend (a nerdy but nice guy) since he didn't like to swim but just sit in his long
sleeve shirts (he burned easily too -no pun intended) and watch her swimming so i agreed. The day of, we were all
sittng in the bench front seat of his car with him driving, my friend in the middle and me next to the window. We got
stuck in construction traffic and the day was warm, (his car was old and no ac) even with the windows all down. As we
sat there fuming at the construction jam we started smelling smoke. He quickly turns the radio off and we all start
sniffing like hound dogs trying to detect where the smell of smoke is coming from. Suddenly we SEE smoke but kinda
wispy and thin and appears to be coming from his steering wheel so he starts running his hands around the wheel
trying to feel for any fire. Suddenly his steering wheel starts smoking real bad so he pulls out of traffic to the side of
the road and turns the car off, frantically searching the steering wheel and dash board as the smoke grows more thick
and visible. That's when I suddenly realized I that smoke was coming out from his shirt sleeve cuff. Startled I
screamed and yelled "Your shirt! Your shirt!! Its on fire!!" quickly he jumped out of the car and looked at his shirt --
nothing but it was smoking good so he holds his sleeves up in desperation to see WHERE the fire is coming from and
that's when all three of us notice the smoke is bellowing from under his shirt cuffs. Scared we looked at him in shock,
ran over and starting rolling his sleeves up as the smoke bellowed out , finally we simply yanked the shirt off and
watched in confusion as his arms had ringlets of smoke slowly dissipating from them. Scared us and him. And I've
always wondered if he could have been ready to combust...it was the weirdest thing I've ever seen to date
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20 hours go
Your friend's boyfriend was a vampire!
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2 points 17 hours ago
Wow, that's crazy. I mean, if it is true (not to doubt you, but of course, I've never heard anything like it) then maybe
it is related to body chemicals or chemistry somehow. Maybe certain people are more susceptible to catching fire
Perhaps the heat that day and the heat of the sun through the car window maybe started igniting something on him
like he was a bug through a magnifying glass.
Where on his arms was the smoke coming out, and how did it stop?
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paint 9 hours ago
It was coming from his forearms near his wrists
which is why when we saw the smoke it appeared to be coming
from the steering wheel where he had his hands placed. I'm telling you it was the strangest thing I've EVER seen in
my life. Once he took his shirt off and wiped down with it the smoke dissipated and was gone. They broke up shortly
after so I never saw him again and I always wonder if we'd been about to witness a real live case of human
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points 2 hours ago
You hallucinated, or it was his clothing that was smoking not his skin. His skin looked like it was smoking as smoke
got caught under his sleeves.
If his skin heated up to the point it was smoking he'd be yowling in pain
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score hidden] an hour ago*
No hallucinations. Especially since all three of us saw the smoke. And you would think-or at least common sense as
we know it-would have one believe that skin burning enough to cause smoke would have one screaming in agony
but why is it then that in ALL CASES of KNOWN AND DOCUMENTED Instantaneous Combustion (even those with
people in the next room) not a one of them was heard to have screamed or made any sound during their
incineration....not one. It was not mass hysteria/hallucinations and we were not expecting or anticipating this as we
all smelled the smoke first before we saw it and he was as frightened as we were. As for his clothes being the one
burning initially we thought the same thing which is why he quickly yanked the shirt off, buttons and all, not even
bothering to unbutton it first - so if it could have been his clothes why then AFTER he removed the shirt was his skin
still emitting small spirals of smoke?!
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Food, Future, and Girls: Customer behind me: Excuse me
I turn around to see a woman in her early 50s wearing lots of jewelry
Woman: "Is a My Little Pony on your shirt?"
Me: "Yeah, you a fan?"
Woman: "No! That show is evil and you are a degenerate!"
Me: "... Excuse me?"
Woman: “That show ruined my son! Now he has dyed his hair in rainbow colors and he
buys toys for little girls and goes to these awful conventions with smelly people that do the
Tears begin to run down her face. People in the Subway are turning to look.
Me: "Ma'am, maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental of me or your son. It's just a show that
a lot of people happen to like, a show that teaches about the value of friendship and
acceptance. Perhaps you could stand to learn a lesson or two from it yourself
Woman: “No! My son had such a promising future and now he's admitted to me that he is
a homosexual! It's all that d… show's fault! People like you ruined my son!"
She reaches out to slap me, but I quickly deflect the blow
Me: "Ma am, please don't touch me. I train regularly in Krav Maga."
The woman grabs her forearm where her arm had met mine
Woman: "Help! This degenerate struck me for standing up for my beliefs!"
She looks, wild-eyed, at the small girl behind the counter, who has watched the whole
thing without saying a word
Woman: "You! Call for your manager and have this society-destroying pariah thrown out of
here! He assaulted me!"
Girl Behind the Counter: "I AM the manager. And I just saw that whole thing. It's YOU who
had better leave. I won't have you assaulting people in my place of business for wearing
shirts that express their values."
The woman stomps out in a huff without ordering any food. People sitting at the tables and
in line begin to clap for me and the manager.
Manager: "Sorry about that. And hey the sub's on us. Because nobody messes with
She reaches over the glass to give me a high-five, even after I insist on paying for my
And wouldn't you know it? Her phone number was written on the napkin she put in my