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AldenRants 13-50 @Psshdjndofnsjdkan @peyton.atthedisco & @spnsalsa asked me to rant about winking! You might assume due to my charmingly confident composure and that good selfie I took back in the 80's that I'm naturally gifted in the arts of our cyclops-mocking mating call, but tell your grandma and your local librarian that THEY WERE STRONGLY MISGUIDED BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY ONE of the MANY reasons "winking" and "wincing" ARE ONLY OFF BY ONE LETTER. WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO BE LIKE "Oh, yeah, I'm gonna act like a speck or some shit just briefly flew into my eye. That'll get her panties a-droppin for sure." I can understand how we intrinsically find somebody showing their muscles off or dressing a certain way as more attractive, but these MALFUNCTIONING BLINKERS END UP CONTRADICTING EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT WHAT WE'RE PRIMITIVELY HARDWIRED TO FIND ATTRACTIVE: Singing ovaries If you ever feel bad, just remember this guy played the role of 'grass' in his school play. AldenRants 13-50 @Psshdjndofnsjdkan @peyton.atthedisco & @spnsalsa asked me to rant about winking! You might assume due to my charmingly confident composure and that good selfie I took back in the 80's that I'm naturally gifted in the arts of our cyclops-mocking mating call, but tell your grandma and your local librarian that THEY WERE STRONGLY MISGUIDED BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY ONE of the MANY reasons "winking" and "wincing" ARE ONLY OFF BY ONE LETTER. WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO BE LIKE "Oh, yeah, I'm gonna act like a speck or some shit just briefly flew into my eye. That'll get her panties a-droppin for sure." I can understand how we intrinsically find somebody showing their muscles off or dressing a certain way as more attractive, but these MALFUNCTIONING BLINKERS END UP CONTRADICTING EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT WHAT WE'RE PRIMITIVELY HARDWIRED TO FIND ATTRACTIVE
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Not me AF 😅. My doctor is a woman and she don't even engage in pleasantries Bruh. She just like "well smash to most of my patients I start by asking if they've engaged in risky behavior but I'm just gonna ASSUME THAT YOU'VE BEEN RISKY AF OL DIRTY DOG LOOKIN ASS BOY so let's see if you went another six months dodging bullets like Keanu Reaves in the cot damn Matrix - let the nurse yank some blood out yo arm, then pee in this cup, then lemme jam a q-tip down yo PP while u wince in pain so we can make sure you're still clean. And I'm not even gonna tell you to use condoms and give you a free sample because YOU'RE MY ONLY PATIENT WHO *TRIES* TO GET WOMEN PREGNANT, WITCHOE RATCHET ASS". U know what tho? She love me. Because unlike u real life dirty ass dogs? AT LEAST I GET TESTED 😅 ThankYouDoctor LoveYouToo DontFront YouLoveThisCleanPP 😘😂😂😂: diagnose: very good dog gettyimage getty images @Dr Smashlove gettyimage Not me AF 😅. My doctor is a woman and she don't even engage in pleasantries Bruh. She just like "well smash to most of my patients I start by asking if they've engaged in risky behavior but I'm just gonna ASSUME THAT YOU'VE BEEN RISKY AF OL DIRTY DOG LOOKIN ASS BOY so let's see if you went another six months dodging bullets like Keanu Reaves in the cot damn Matrix - let the nurse yank some blood out yo arm, then pee in this cup, then lemme jam a q-tip down yo PP while u wince in pain so we can make sure you're still clean. And I'm not even gonna tell you to use condoms and give you a free sample because YOU'RE MY ONLY PATIENT WHO *TRIES* TO GET WOMEN PREGNANT, WITCHOE RATCHET ASS". U know what tho? She love me. Because unlike u real life dirty ass dogs? AT LEAST I GET TESTED 😅 ThankYouDoctor LoveYouToo DontFront YouLoveThisCleanPP 😘😂😂😂
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Work out tip: battle rope. I swear to God that bitch will bring u to your knees. It's two thick black ropes that you whip up and down for 30 seconds (or 45 seconds, or one minute if you a animal 🐅), take a short rest, do it again. There's hella good videos on YouTube u can watch to show u how to mix it up. And u can time the intervals with Interval Timer, which is free on the App Store. I swear to God this thing will change yo life. I was hesitant to be the 'that' crazy dude at the gym but low key this thing will have u wincing. A lot of y'all have hit ruts in your workout where it just don't challenge u any more. This year I want u to challenge yourself. If u do the stair master at 60 steps per minute, kick it up to 70. U feel me? Feel them buckets of sweat and enjoy that burn. The human body is capable of a lot. Nobody will motivate u as hard as u can motivate yourself, ya get me! Here's to kicking some ass in 2017, more life more health and more sex (always more sex 😇). Bless up! 🙌: he just realized he can never be a seal @Drsmashlove Work out tip: battle rope. I swear to God that bitch will bring u to your knees. It's two thick black ropes that you whip up and down for 30 seconds (or 45 seconds, or one minute if you a animal 🐅), take a short rest, do it again. There's hella good videos on YouTube u can watch to show u how to mix it up. And u can time the intervals with Interval Timer, which is free on the App Store. I swear to God this thing will change yo life. I was hesitant to be the 'that' crazy dude at the gym but low key this thing will have u wincing. A lot of y'all have hit ruts in your workout where it just don't challenge u any more. This year I want u to challenge yourself. If u do the stair master at 60 steps per minute, kick it up to 70. U feel me? Feel them buckets of sweat and enjoy that burn. The human body is capable of a lot. Nobody will motivate u as hard as u can motivate yourself, ya get me! Here's to kicking some ass in 2017, more life more health and more sex (always more sex 😇). Bless up! 🙌
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