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Dad, Hungry, and Scholar: dragonpuppies Elizabethan Peasant 1: Look yonder! Someone has writ upon that ceiling that thou art most easily gulled! Elizabethan Peasant 2: More fool they, for I cannot read Elizabethan Peasant 1: sighing, lowers his visage unto his palm* amityravenclawelf Elizabethan Peasant 1: Lo, hast thou learned to read? Elizabethan Peasant 2: Verily, and to compose as well Elizabethan Peasant 1: With haste, then, how is the word "i cup" composed? hi-def-doritos Elizabethan Peasant 1: what ho, I know a sporting jest! What art thou when thou art a peasant and art occupied in a privy? Elizabethan Peasant 2: I wist not, but certain am I that thou shalt tell me speedily. Elizabethan Peasant 1: Most verily, thou art a peon. little-niggah-sugar Elizabethan Child: Father, I have not yet broken fast and am filled with pangs of hunger Elizabethan Father: Hail, Filled With Pangs Of Hunger! Mine own name is Wybert marzipanandminutiae Elizabethan Scholar 1: Alack, I have in my purse but sixty-nine pence Elizabethan Scholar 2: Lusty fellow, knowst thou well what such a sum portends! Elizabethan Scholar 1 .I have not sufficient to sup on fowl ur-friendly-local-memer Elizabethan Scholar 1: Mine name is verily Micheal with a 'b', and I hast been afraid of insects mine entire Elizabethan Scholar 2: Cease cease cease. Wither is the bee? Elizabethan Scholar 1: Thither is a bee? vampyrewhore Mine outspoke companion: how many Appels art havested from a tree? Me: I know not, may it be twice a score? My companion: Nay fool, every Appel grows upona harvest sprig! Me: Frederich, upon the heavens I will strike thee down, for thy scalding wit is naught to my mighty brawn Source: dragonpuppies 86,585 notes Hi hungry, Im Dad
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Instagram, Life, and Memes: IM 00 WHAT I THINK WHAT I SAY Yes you have a good body... But so does a car. Now let us think deeply for a moment. I want to know your embodiment of life. The body of work that you let sculpt your passions and opinions. Having an amazing physical vessel isn't as amazing as the mind that supports it. Not even close... If I took your brain and put it it another body, a faceless, nameless vessel, you would still be you. It is you who I want to know. Brother I don't care for your jewels and your money... They are not yours. There are plenty of men with biceps and abs. Sister I don't care for your status and your assets because these are things easily lost and transferable, to the next with lips and hips. Who cares for superficial beauty when your thoughts are ugly... Remember this; You are worth the universe itself, for without you there is no I. I am because we are, so let me meet you. I might be talking to you across Instagram but so what, there are no Boundries, no ultimatums, just deep connections with worthy concentration. Why are we here, what's your interpretation, I want to know from your experience. I want to know about your spirituality and how it manifests your thoughts. I want to know about your consciousness and your subconscious thoughts. What is reality... I feel deeply, if you are my friend you might never know until you read it on here, but I extract my thoughts and analyse them everyday, sometimes objectively, sometimes I just see how I look at the world. One of the things that keeps me on my toes is the concept of death and the fear of failing myself, my soul and the souls of others. I keep thinking that one day I am not going to be here in this form. One day these mortal vessels that have imprisoned our souls, will wither and die. But our energies cannot be destroyed. Then when we are gone... Were we ever really here? If I am here... Will I ever really leave? While you think about that... Let me meditate on it. I'll leave you with me... chakabars

Yes you have a good body... But so does a car. Now let us think deeply for a moment. I want to know your embodiment of life. The body of wor...

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Brains, Energy, and Memes: The way you treat ppl is what makes you beautiful, not your looks. Outer beauty doesn't even count when you have an ugly soul CAIN eMILLIGRAPHIII Yes you have a good body... But so does a car. Now let us think deeply for a moment. I want to know your embodiment of life. The body of work that you let sculpt your passions and opinions. Having an amazing physical vessel isn't as amazing as the mind that supports it. Not even close... If I took your brain and put it it another body, a faceless, nameless vessel, you would still be you. It is you who I want to know. Brother I don't care for your jewels and your money... They are not yours. There are plenty of men with biceps and abs. Sister I don't care for your status and your assets because these are things easily lost and transferable, to the next with lips and hips. Who cares for superficial beauty when your thoughts are ugly... Remember this; You are worth the universe itself, for without you there is no I. I am because we are, so let me meet you. I might be talking to you across Instagram but so what, there are no Boundries, no ultimatums, just deep connections with worthy concentration. Why are we here, what's your interpretation, I want to know from your experience. I want to know about your spirituality and how it manifests your thoughts. I want to know about your consciousness and your subconscious thoughts. What is reality... I feel deeply, if you are my friend you might never know until you read it on here, but I extract my thoughts and analyse them everyday, sometimes objectively, sometimes I just see how I look at the world. One of the things that keeps me on my toes is the concept of death and the fear of failing myself, my soul and the souls of others. I keep thinking that one day I am not going to be here in this form. One day these mortal vessels that have imprisoned our souls, will wither and die. But our energies cannot be destroyed. Then when we are gone... Were we ever really here? If I am here... Will I ever really leave? While you think about that... Let me meditate on it. I'll leave you with me... chakabars

Yes you have a good body... But so does a car. Now let us think deeply for a moment. I want to know your embodiment of life. The body of wor...

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America, Autocorrect, and Back to Back: Operator: 911What's your emergencyp Responder: My wifes goinginto labor, I don't know what to do. Operator: Is this herfirstborn? Responder: Noths is her husband. We'll be walking around a supermarket or wherever, and he will stop, staring at the watermelon with a look of respect, put his hand on my shoulder and say: "what-a-melon!" 10:43 ICE YOUR BREATHS EXPAND FRIEND Text 4:19 PM 64% K Messages (6) Daddy Contact We just ate Ok so you can be here at How does the turkey I guess through its beak Send Q W E R T Y U I O P A S D F G H J K L Share on Facebook Like zofia-and-sloths listenley tayngerous: A woman is at her father's deathbed. She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. "Dad, I'm sorry," she whispers. "Goodbye, Sorry," he says, "I'm dead 20.3k Guess what Forrest Gump's password is? Son Ugh stop, Dad Okay I'll tell ya. It's 1 forrest Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD consultingtimetravelingdetective Source: dingle-dangle deathbycas: dingle-dangle: A proud new dad sits down to have adrink with his father "Well son, now that you've got a kid of your own, l think it's time to give you this Dad, you don't mean "Yes son, l do" Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition" Dad I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. Hi honoured", replies his father. "I'm dad". 34,229 notes Dad Edit Messages Don't come home me and your mom are getting it on tonight HAHAHA gotta hate autocorrect, right? What do you mean You made a typo right look at your last text No l did not make a typo Guess what time the man went to the dentist? Tooth hurt -y. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD SON, UR 2 NOW OLD ENUFF FOR THE TALK IM DROWNIN IN IT WRITTEN BY GO TORMNY PICKEALS SEE, SEX IS A LOT LIKE A OCEAN LOL NOW PUT UR HAND uP THIS IS CALLED A HIGH FIVE DRAWN BY VECTORBELLY Dad hurt his wrist and had to go to the hospital where he talked to a doctor. Dad: When this heals will I be able to play the piano? Doctor: Yes, You'll be fine in a few days. Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument. 2:17 PM 82% OO AT&T LTE Contact Messages Today 12:50 PM Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie Today 2:10 PM Ur sick I thought it was a Gouda joke to rethink I am telling the Yes Don't make me out to be some kind of muenster! Delivered On a walk today with my family. We get onto the game what would you do? ask what would you do If fell down a cliff. My sister says call him an ambulance. My dad's reply, "how would that help, he's down a cliff dieing, and I'm shouting, LUCAS YOUR AN AMBULANCE" My dad ladies and gentlemen Shhh Don't skin me like that WHY ALL THESE POTATO PUNS? You could say It's because Potato puns are.. Apeeling. Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Son want a remote control car dad Dad: Say no more son AT&T LTE 8:54 PM News Feed Status o Photo Check In LE News Feed Chris R minutes ago Mie: How much snow is there? Dad: Well it's not really snow, it's more like Snew. Me: Snew? Whats snew? Dad: Not much what's snew with you? can't believe that just happened. 5 Likes Like comment Share So I'm Watching the Incredibles with the family and this happened Syndrome "And when everyone is super, no one will be." My Dad "Who is no one and why does he get to be super." My Dad Bursts out laughing Everone else REALLY! Dad X Messages Edit Hey dad do u belive in ghosts?? No son, there is no such things as ghosts. But our maid said that ghost were real Pack your bags Meet me in he car now Y WE DONT HAVE A MAID NED.com Send smart How did Anakin know what gift Obi-Wan was going to give him? He felt his presents. Dad fokes Wall of Shame hortobeadad.com SAO jungwildeandfree: thisismedisa ear in l stubbed my toe and naturally l screamed "mOTHERFUCKER'' and then my dad poked his head out of the livingroom and said "you rang?" hats off for the ultimate dad joke 87 792 notes What did the beach say to the other beach? Oh my god what now? Nothing they just waved Oh. Did you see what i did there? No. Im shore you did. How do you have friends? Don't be such a beach. My kid said to me "Dad,What's ET Short for OTO Whichi replied. because he's got little legs. WHAT DID THE HAT SAY TO THE HAT RACK? YOU STAY HERE ITM GOING TO GO ON AHEAD DRACULA DOESNT HAVE MANY FRIENDS BECAUSE HES A PAIN IN THE NECK MISS THE OLD TELEPHONES THEY WERE KINKY TURNING POINT By ANDYMAN1943 What's that wheel on your belt? WWW.TOONDOO.COM Arrr, it's driving me nuts! WOULD YOU LIKE SOMECHEESE WITH THAT WHINEP "Son, did you hear about that actress who was killed recently...Reese Withers...Wither-something." Son: Witherspoon?" Dad: "No, with a knife. Dad Joke Han Solo adadiokohansolo 13h What is a bounty hunter's favorite cheese? Boba Feta I'm sorry @KyloR3n was that joke to #cheesy for you!? Haha! I WOULD TELL A JOKE ABOUT PIZZA, BUT IT'S A LITTLE CHEESV. CHEERS TO LEGENDARV Heineken THEVD BE BRD IF THEW LUERENT DAD'S CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DAD JOKES THEV D BE BAD IF THEW WEREn T DAD'S Heineken open your world DAD, Text Did you notice the big leek in the bathroom when you left? 1:03p No 2:11p type a text message 2:51 2:06p DAD JOKES top Aop What are you doing? I'm measuring your patience illustrations eswatercolour ~joke u/Oreosmooshy My dad came back from a business trip in America: ME: So, what's it like in San Francisco? DAD: A lot like Ireland, though everyone wears short-sleeved tops. ME: Why, is it really hot there? DAD: No, Americans wear short sleeves for constitutional reasons. ME: What DAD: Because the second amendment states that all Americans have the right to BARE ARMS!!! laughs uncontrollably tickld IIMTERRIFIEDOFELENATORS 'LL BETAKING STEPS TO AVOID THEM Dad Jokes t by shitty Watercolour You know son, I couldnt find a single shoe shop in town today... They all seemed to sell them in Pairs! Joke by uirandomsnark HAVE YOU MET MY KIOP HE HAS MY EYES! I NEED THEM BACK Why is water the most hipster element? Earth, Because i and Fir fore they In were famou 2:23 PM Verizon 3G Dad Edit Messages Dad, my computer can't find the WiFi printer anymore I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password Why Bob Marley? Because its always Jammin God damn it. Send WHYDIDNTTHE SHRIMP SHAREHISTREASURELUKE DARTHPLEASE THIS ISAVERY SERIOUS- BECAUSE HEWASALITTLESHELLFISH CHECK IT OUT, I'M THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO CLONE MYSELF! THAT'S AMAZING I BET I'M BESIDE MYSELF! YOU'RE PRETTY EXCITED! YOU DID THIS JUST TO MAKE THAT JOKE DIDN'T YOU BEST TWELVE BILLION DOLLARS I EVER SPENT Cyanide and Happiness O Explosm.net a 90% D 10:41 AM Verizon jenna m1213 PHOTO DeC 26, 20172 Dad there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? Pls hurry because I'm going to cry Dad Dad Dec 26, 2012 2:30 PM Dad is dead. You're next. Love, Moth 19 likes jenna ma 1213 This was my sisters text message to my dad and my dad is frekin weird This is my dad His name is Cliff. DANGEROUS CLIFF STAY BACK Dad Hey kids, a train just passed by" Me and my siblings: How do you know?" Dad: It left its tracks It was funny the first time when I was 9. Now it's funny because it's dad humor "Dad, I'm hungry." "Hello Hungry, I'm dad." Dad, I'm serious." "I thought you were Hungry?" You're kidding me." "No, I'm dad." Me: Dad where are we? Dad: In the car. ITEM DIDN'T SCAN? TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOU THINKIT SHOULD IBF FRE enue memecenter-Com WITHOUT NIPPLES BOOBS WOULD BE POINTLESS ITS HARD TO ENPLAIN PUNS TO KLEPTOMANIACS THEY ALWAYS TAKE THINGS Dad Joke Han Solo Follow Odladjokehansolo What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-YODA! Ben are you old enough to drive l don't remember 110 207 11:33 PM 13 Jan 2016 HOW'S THE WATER? WET. CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DAD JOKES THEV'D BE BAD IF THEV WEREn'T DAD'S Holland Imported by HeinekenUSAInc, .a York, NYe2013Heineken Lager Beer Heineken open your world WHAT IS BEETHOVEN'S FAVORITE FRUIT? BA-NA-NA-NA- A SHEEP, A DRUMANDASNAKE FALL DOWN A CLIFF BA-DUMM-TSS I WAS ADDICTED TO THE HOKEY POKEY BUT I TURNED MYSELF AROUND M ign com f HOW DO YOU SPOT THE BLIND GUY ATA NUDIST COLONY ITS NOT HARD CAn Vou GIUE ME A HAND? SURE, BUT I NEED IT BACK WHEN VOU'RE DOME. CHEERS TO LEGENDARV #DADJOKES WANTED TO BUYCAMOUFLAGE PANTS BUTICOULDNTFINDANY A three-legged dog walks into a bar Guess what he said to the bartender? Son Stop, Dad "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw." HOW'S YOUR JOBATTHE CALENDAR FACTORY GOING? IGOTAREDBECAUSEI TOOKACOUPLEOFDAYSoFF. When yo dad come back after 18 years saying "damn that line at Walmart was no joke" dope trvp WITH UELORO. IT'S A TOTAL RIP-OFF. CHEERS TO LEGEnDARV #DADJOKES MYGIRLFRIENDANDIWATCHEDEVERY HARRY POTTERMOVIE BACK TO BACK LUCKILY I WAS THE ONE FACING THE TV TO THE GUY WHO INVENTED TERO ZERO THANKS FOR NOTHING AT&T 3G 9:30 AM Dad Edit Messages Gas is 3.69 out here ...premium is even more Enough With the Saab story Damnit that's goo Send Ive started working as a porn writer but its harder than expected There just so many holes in the plot. WHY DID THE COWBOYGOTO CHURCH HETHOUGHT ITWASASTEAK CENTER Son Dad, are you alright? No. I'm half left. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD Hey Dad can I work a half-day today Me working for my dads company Half of a day is 12 hours Sure you can but *Troll DadBoss* problem? HOW DOES MOSES MAKE COFFEE? Hebrews it. quickmeme.com What do you call the fear of being trapped in a chimney? CLAUStrophobia. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeadad.com I KNOWITSCHEESY BUT I FEEL GRATE LIHowdoylu Lind Will Smithin the snow- Look Lhe fresh prints Lu LA Son I Have A Joke For u Tell Me I Know You Dont I Dont Get It forev Pussy I Dont Get It FFUU UU U memecenter.com MameCenuera AN ADVIENTURED ALPACA MY BAGS What veggie do star athletes eat to run fast? Accelery ada djks What's the difference between a piano a tuna and glue? Son: What? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna Son: What about the glue? I knew you'd get stuck there. Dad lobes Wall of Shame howtobeladad.com SAD JOKEDTOSTATICALLYCHARGED 8-YEAR-OLD THAT SHELL NEED TO BE GROUNDED SPENT REST OF EVENING EXPLAININGIWASNT PUNISHING HER Guy Dangerous @Lerky Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: ...*clenches fists Mom: ...don't! Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD MY FIRST TIME USING AN ELEVATOR WAS AN UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE THE SECOND TIME LET ME DOWN Server: Do you want a cup or a bowl? Dad: That's probably a good idea. Otherwise it will just go all over the table. 22 WORDS.COM Dads universally make unfunny jokes and have terrible humor, and I'm just sitting here $100% screaming/crying.
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Anime, Beautiful, and Community: Ne punch snowleopardferret: 2srooky: shannonsketches: flame-alchemist-buttbutt: P.S.A ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL COSPLAYERS This is why we cannot have nice things.(i took this from a post on facebook i saw someone put up that had to be shared elsewhere)“1: Broken Light Fixtures on a couple different floors.2: Busted Exit Sign cause some fuckwad thought it would be A Good Idea to high-five it.3: Actual fucking flooding in a room.4: Punching a hole in the bathroom door and writing “One-Punch Man was here.”5: Writing “Katsucon 2016” all over the stalls on the main floors.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THIS NEEDS TO STOP, THIS IS LITERALLY DISGUSTING. This beautiful hotel is holding an events for cosplayers to enjoy time away and this is how you repay them? you wonder why they raise prices?. This is totally fucking immature and disgusting and the cosplayers that did this make our community look like shit Spread this like wildfire, this is not okay stop destroying things.  Fun Fact: This shit kills small cons. Our con got kicked out of it’s established space because the hotel kept getting trashed by drunk, rowdy con-goers. The last year they broke a fucking window, among other things. Have fun at your cons. Have fun in your cosplay. But don’t be an asshole while you’re staying in a hotel. The shit is not cute, you ruin future cons for everyone. Part of the reason hotels spike their rates for smaller cons is because they expect con-goers to be disrespectful and destructive. Pricey rates drive people away from cons without a reputation. Those tiny cons don’t get a turnout because of hotel prices, they can’t collect revenue, they can’t afford the space, they wither up and die. No more tiny fun cons. Most of the staff volunteers and works hard to make your experience nice, and the hotels hold them responsible for the aftermath. Just don’t be a dick, especially if you’re attending a small convention. It’s not hard. FOR ANYONE WONDERING THE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES OF THIS, IT KILLS BIG CONS TOO. Youmacon started putting up their rules for no obstructive masks or face paint due to people needing to be IDENTIFIED AS THEY DESTROYED THE CON CENTER AND SURROUNDING HOTELS. ALA (Anime Los Angeles, a well known, huge, secure con) got moved to Ontario, CA, after 2015’s convention because so many people destroyed the Marriott that they said “fuck it, fuck you, we aren’t hosting this anymore.” It doesn’t just kill small cons, it kills the biggest, most well known conventions in the country. This is why larger cons, the hotel blocks are hundreds of dollars, nobody gets a discount anymore, nobody gets the “free CONtinental breakfast” that was super common when I started cosplaying in 2010. Because we, as a collective, destroyed these hotels. I’ve paid my fair share of fees due to ruined hotel towels, but I’ve had friends charged with destroyed chairs, tables, etc. etc. that they DIDN’T RUIN because of the fact the hotels have to find SOMEWHERE to get the money to FIX WHAT PEOPLE DID RUIN. Take care of your hotel rooms. Leave tips for the cleaning staff. Bring a big garbage bag to throw your cup noodles in, and bring your own towels if you think your paint/makeup might destroy hotel ones. Don’t throw massive room parties, bring a small pack of wet wipes and wipe down your makeup station every day, don’t be a jerk!!!!!!! Keep Cons Clean and Safe and Secure by not being a massive fucker!!!!! If you’re staying in the con hotel you have a fucking responsibility to be a good representative of your con. This is why there are age limits on who can book a space.If you can’t behave like an adult, if you can’t trust your LAWL SO RANDOM XD enthusiasm to not result in property damage, then you don’t belong at a con. You aren’t fucking welcome.
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