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80s, Apparently, and Books: ladylisa: gemfyre: lauralandons: thereadersmuse: jehovahhthickness: lightning-st0rm: pearlmito: smootymormonhelldream: stripedsilverfeline: anti-clerical: ramirezbundydahmer: When the Nazi concentration camps were liberated by the Allies, it was a time of great jubilation for the tens of thousands of people incarcerated in them. But an often forgotten fact of this time is that prisoners who happened to be wearing the pink triangle (the Nazis’ way of marking and identifying homosexuals) were forced to serve out the rest of their sentence. This was due to a part of German law simply known as “Paragraph 175” which criminalized homosexuality. The law wasn’t repealed until 1969. This should be required learning, internationally.  You need to know this. You need to remember this. This is not something to swept under the carpet nor be forgotten.  Never. Too many have died for the way they have loved. That needs stop now.  Make it stop?  I did a report on this in my World History class my sophomore year of high school. It was incredibly unsettling. My teacher shown the class this. Mostly everyone in the class felt uncomfortable.  I have reblogged this in the past, but it is so ironic that it comes across my dash right now. I a currently working as a docent at my city’s Holocaust Education Center (( I say currently because I’ve also done research and translation for them )) and out current exhibit is one on loan from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum ((USHMM)). This is a little known historical fact that Paragraph 175 was not repealed after the war and those convicted under Nazi laws as a danger to society because they were gay were not released because they had be convicted in a court of law. There was no liberation or justice for them as they weren’t considered criminals, or even victims for that matter. They were criminals who remained persecuted and ostracized and kept on the fringes of society for decades after the war had been won. Paragraph175 wasn’t actually repealed until 1994. And it was only in May 2002, that the German parliament completed legislation to pardon all homosexuals convicted under Paragraph175 during the Nazi era. History has forgotten about these men and women — please educate yourselves so this does not happen again. Remember this history. Remember them. @mindlesshumor ok how the fuck did I miss this when I’ve studied The Holocaust like nobody’s business??? wtf Because the history we have left regarding it is literally the contents of this first hand account. It is a thin little book. When I first opened it, I wondered why it was so thin. Why there wasn’t other books like it. Other first hand accounts. By the time I finished it, I didn’t wonder anymore. Further reading: I, Pierre Seel, Deported Homosexual: A Memoir of Nazi Terror by Pierre Seel An Underground Life: Memoirs of a Gay Jew in Nazi Berlin by Gad Beck The Pink Triangle: The Nazi War Against Homosexuals by Richard Plant Branded By The Pink Triangle by Ken Setterington Bent by Martin Sherman (fiction; however, it’s often credited with bringing attention to gay Holocaust victims for the first time since the war ended) This is one of the memorial sculptures in Dachau.  It was erected in the early 60s and is missing the pink triangles.  Because in the early 60s, homosexuality was still a crime in most of the world.Our tour guide explained why the pink triangles have not been added later - if they were, then folks would assume that they had always been there.  This way people ask “why aren’t there pink triangles?” and somebody can explain why - because in some ways, the rest of the world was as bass-ackwards as Nazi Germany. Apparently, this wasnt taught in schools in the 70s-80s, cuz when I mentioned it to my mom, she had no idea that gays were held in concentration camps. She thought it was just jewish people.
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Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
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Bad, Bad Jokes, and Beautiful: HE <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172136795052/theindependentconservative-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://theindependentconservative.tumblr.com/post/172134527769/lastsonlost-heatandapathy" class="tumblr_blog">theindependentconservative</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172106090152/heatandapathy-concentrated-sunshine" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://heatandapathy.tumblr.com/post/172104814701/concentrated-sunshine-shitty-metta-mun" class="tumblr_blog">heatandapathy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://concentrated-sunshine.tumblr.com/post/172103863265/shitty-metta-mun-goose-juggler-gservator" class="tumblr_blog">concentrated-sunshine</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://shitty-metta-mun.tumblr.com/post/172103123563/goose-juggler-gservator-hott-dogg-mann" class="tumblr_blog">shitty-metta-mun</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://goose-juggler.tumblr.com/post/172102081416/gservator-hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">goose-juggler</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://gservator.tumblr.com/post/172101816471/hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">gservator</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://hott-dogg-mann.tumblr.com/post/172095533311/lastsonlost-wanderingberserker-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">hott-dogg-mann</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094764907/wanderingberserker-lastsonlost-speaking-of" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://wanderingberserker.tumblr.com/post/172094692137/lastsonlost-speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with" class="tumblr_blog">wanderingberserker</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094647642/speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with-comedy-we-can" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <h2>Speaking of jokes and Nazis….</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/dffd11705aa681a806c2914d89e712d2/tumblr_inline_p5xi80MvlQ1sp5650_500.jpg" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"/></figure><h1><b>“With Comedy, We Can Rob Hitler of his Posthumous Power”</b></h1> <p>Jewish comic actor Mel Brooks talks about Hitler as a comical character, the limits of humor and his latest film “The Producers,” which hits screens in Germany and other European countries (that week in 2006.)</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b></p> <p>Mr. Brooks, almost all the rogues in your film have moustaches. Is that the long shadow of Hitler?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> You must be joking! Rogues on the screen were already wearing moustaches when Hitler was still running around in short trousers. A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan. So Hitler’s incomplete moustache would never have been enough for that.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Your new comedy “The Producers” is set at the end of the 1950s on Broadway and concerns a Nazi musical that breaks box office records. It shows a dancing and singing Hitler. Isn’t that a bit tasteless?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Of course. But it’s also funny, isn’t it? The film revolves around a Broadway producer who, for financial and technical reasons, wants to produce a flop. After he turns down the chance to adapt Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis,” he comes up with the idea of creating a musical about Hitler, produced by the lousiest director in the city, cast with the worst actors by far -– in the middle of the Jewish metropolis of New York. He’s sure it won’t work. Yet because the audience considers the piece to be a brilliant parody, his worst fears are realized, it’s a hit. “The Producers” therefore deals with the difficulty of having a flop. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Which you of course know well yourself. “The Producers” is based on a musical that you produced that ran successfully on Broadway for five years and also on the film “The Producers” that you shot in 1967. How did the audience react to the film back then?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> The Jews were horrified. I received resentful letters of protest, saying things like: “How can you make jokes about Hitler? The man murdered 6 million Jews.“ But “The Producers” doesn’t concern a concentration camp or the Holocaust. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you really separate Hitler from the Holocaust?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> You have to separate it. For example, Roberto Benigni’s comedy “Life Is Beautiful” really annoyed me. A crazy film that even attempted to find comedy in a concentration camp. It showed the barracks in which Jews were kept like cattle, and it made jokes about it. The philosophy of the film is: people can get over anything. No, they can’t. They can’t get over a concentration camp.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> But the film has deeply moved a lot of people.</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> I always asked myself: Tell me, Roberto, are you nuts? You didn’t lose any relatives in the Holocaust, you’re not even Jewish. You really don’t understand what it’s all about. The Americans were incredibly thrilled to discover from him that it wasn’t all that bad in the concentration camps after all. And that’s why they immediately pressed an Oscar into his hand. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> So there are limits to humor?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Definitely. In 1974, I produced the western parody “Blazing Saddles,” in which the word “nigger” was used constantly. But I would never have thought of the idea of showing how a black was lynched. It’s only funny when he escapes getting sent to the gallows. You can laugh at Hitler because you can cut him down to normal size.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you also get your revenge on him by using comedy?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, absolutely. Of course it is impossible to take revenge for 6 million murdered Jews. But by using the medium of comedy, we can try to rob Hitler of his posthumous power and myths. In doing so, we should remember that Hitler did have some talents. He was able to fool an entire population into letting him be their leader. However, this role was basically a few numbers too great for him –- but he simply covered over this deficiency.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was he a good actor?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, as he convinced many millions of Germans. It’s not without good reason that comedies about Hitler often concern actors who should play him. Just think about Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator” (1940) or Ernst Lubitsch’s “To Be or not To Be” (1942). There’s no doubt about it, Hitler worked in the same branch as we do: he created illusions. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> In a documentary film about the downfall of the German battleship the Bismarck, US director James Cameron referred to Hitler as the “greatest pop star of his time.“</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> There’s something in that. Hitler must have had a magnetic attractive force, like a rock star he used his voice to spellbind umpteen thousands of listeners. So it’s only fitting when comic actors make him the limelight hog of world history. We take away from him the holy seriousness that always surrounded him and protected him like a cordon.</p> <p><br/></p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself fought against the Nazis in Europe in 1945 and came to Berlin just after the end of the war and stayed there for eight months. Could you still feel much of a Hitler reverence?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Everywhere you went you could sense a great relief that the war was finally over. I myself was shaken by the extent of the destruction. When we were transporting away a few prisoners of war in a train, I discovered an old man who looked like my grandfather. He suddenly leaped out of the carriage. I took my rifle and aimed at him. He called (Brooks says in German): “Don’t shoot, I have to shit”. Most of the Germans who survived the war were just poor simple people. Was National Socialism ever taught in German schools?</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Yes, and in great detail.</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> That is comforting to know. When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin. It was there that I saw Brecht and Weill’s “Three Penny Opera” and was totally crazy about this kind of musical theater. </p> <p><br/></p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Have you seen Oliver Hirschbiegels’s film “Downfall”?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, and I thought it was excellent. It shows us Hitler’s self destruction. While Goebbels was idolizing Hitler as the new Christ, like the salvation in the flesh, he was decaying before our very eyes – and all that was needed to illustrate this was a shot of his trembling hand.  </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Don’t you think the film humanizes Hitler too much?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> No, it doesn’t arouse the slightest bit of sympathy for Hitler. It shows a man who went mad. Let’s face it; he too started off as a small, innocent baby. His monstrous grimace comes across all the more startling when you can sense the paltry remains of his human nature.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was Hitler funny? Would you have been able to make him laugh?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> I have no delusions of grandeur. Hitler would definitely not have smacked himself on the thigh and cried out (Brooks says in German): “What fantastic fun.“ If he had found something funny you’d probably see at the most a flinch in the corner of his mouth.  </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself played Hitler in 1983 in your remake of the film “To Be or not To Be”…</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/054ed98db8d99065bb0c2d5edafdf864/tumblr_inline_p5xi81rWN21sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"/></figure><p><b>Brooks:</b> … and I also gave him my voice in a song in “The Producers”.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> How does it feel for a <b>JEW</b> to slip into the skin of his greatest enemy?  </p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> It is an inverted seizure of power. For many years Hitler was the most powerful man in the world and almost destroyed us. </p> <h2>To posses this power and turn it against him -– it is simply alluring. </h2> <p><i>Interview conducted by Lars-Olav Beier.</i></p> <h2>&lt;Imagine being able to stand up to Great Evil by laughing in its face.</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/a79626891f6befc1cdd796f032952869/tumblr_inline_p5xi808Qxb1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"/></figure><p>Meanwhile the UK is going full Orwell.</p> <p>What I wouldn’t give for a Mel Brooks to lead Lewis Black Jerry Seinfeld Richard Lewis Larry David Jon Stewart Billy Crystal Ben &amp; Jerry Stiller Garry Shandling Sacha Baron Cohen Lisa Lampanelli and Robert Klein in a conga line of Nazi jokes outside of British Parliament.</p> <p>I’m not really going anywhere with this but I just think it would be hilarious. </p> <p>Also such an event would need a proper host and I can only think of one choice.</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/bec1c6c06b335123340a94175c5b2cfa/tumblr_inline_p5xi82H2BL1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Personal favorite will ALWAYS be John Cleese…</p> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvlmGknvr_Pg"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vlmGknvr_Pg?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote> <p>Always.</p> </blockquote> <p>Mel Brooks is my hero but that black Hitler joke MADE MY FUCKING DAY</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/741893db579a951a6efa891de4345bf4/tumblr_inline_p5y292RoPA1rkd5oa_500.jpg" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Cameron Pierce “Ass Goblins of Auschwitz” is a bizarre fiction book that turns the SS into walking asses.</p> </blockquote> <p>always mock hitler. always.</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F8c1GhbpObv0"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8c1GhbpObv0?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote> <p>People keep forgetting the power of humor. </p> </blockquote> <p>They are too busy being addicted to outrage. </p> <h2><b><i>On an unrelated note………</i></b></h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2c5f7fba5d805164566b53ee88ee94fb/tumblr_inline_p5ya7pSA2A1sp5650_540.gif" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"/></figure><p>Its all about the  Brooks baby.</p> </blockquote> <p>Thank God Brooks made the movies when he did, they’d never be made today.</p></blockquote> <p>Laughter is a very powerful weapon against rage hatred and madness and even more powerful tool of love and healing.</p><p>Most kids don’t get that when they’re making angry bitter hateful bad jokes as a “ coping mechanism”. Coping isn’t feeding the poison in your heart. Coping it’s simply coming to terms with it well real healing tries to clean that poison from your very soul.</p></blockquote> <p>Make jokes about Nazis. Make fun of Nazis. Make jokes about Hitler. Mock Nazis. That robs them of their power. Being too afraid to speak of them only makes them feel stronger.</p><p>“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”-Dumbledore.</p><p>For people who constantly reference Harry Potter, I would think that lesson would’ve sunk in.</p>
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Books, Crime, and Ironic: nonbinarysapphic: gemfyre: lauralandons: thereadersmuse: jehovahhthickness: lightning-st0rm: pearlmito: smootymormonhelldream: stripedsilverfeline: anti-clerical: ramirezbundydahmer: When the Nazi concentration camps were liberated by the Allies, it was a time of great jubilation for the tens of thousands of people incarcerated in them. But an often forgotten fact of this time is that prisoners who happened to be wearing the pink triangle (the Nazis’ way of marking and identifying homosexuals) were forced to serve out the rest of their sentence. This was due to a part of German law simply known as “Paragraph 175” which criminalized homosexuality. The law wasn’t repealed until 1969. This should be required learning, internationally.  You need to know this. You need to remember this. This is not something to swept under the carpet nor be forgotten.  Never. Too many have died for the way they have loved. That needs stop now.  Make it stop?  I did a report on this in my World History class my sophomore year of high school. It was incredibly unsettling. My teacher shown the class this. Mostly everyone in the class felt uncomfortable.  I have reblogged this in the past, but it is so ironic that it comes across my dash right now. I a currently working as a docent at my city’s Holocaust Education Center (( I say currently because I’ve also done research and translation for them )) and out current exhibit is one on loan from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum ((USHMM)). This is a little known historical fact that Paragraph 175 was not repealed after the war and those convicted under Nazi laws as a danger to society because they were gay were not released because they had be convicted in a court of law. There was no liberation or justice for them as they weren’t considered criminals, or even victims for that matter. They were criminals who remained persecuted and ostracized and kept on the fringes of society for decades after the war had been won. Paragraph175 wasn’t actually repealed until 1994. And it was only in May 2002, that the German parliament completed legislation to pardon all homosexuals convicted under Paragraph175 during the Nazi era. History has forgotten about these men and women — please educate yourselves so this does not happen again. Remember this history. Remember them. @mindlesshumor ok how the fuck did I miss this when I’ve studied The Holocaust like nobody’s business??? wtf Because the history we have left regarding it is literally the contents of this first hand account. It is a thin little book. When I first opened it, I wondered why it was so thin. Why there wasn’t other books like it. Other first hand accounts. By the time I finished it, I didn’t wonder anymore. Further reading: I, Pierre Seel, Deported Homosexual: A Memoir of Nazi Terror by Pierre Seel An Underground Life: Memoirs of a Gay Jew in Nazi Berlin by Gad Beck The Pink Triangle: The Nazi War Against Homosexuals by Richard Plant Branded By The Pink Triangle by Ken Setterington Bent by Martin Sherman (fiction; however, it’s often credited with bringing attention to gay Holocaust victims for the first time since the war ended) This is one of the memorial sculptures in Dachau.  It was erected in the early 60s and is missing the pink triangles.  Because in the early 60s, homosexuality was still a crime in most of the world.Our tour guide explained why the pink triangles have not been added later - if they were, then folks would assume that they had always been there.  This way people ask “why aren’t there pink triangles?” and somebody can explain why - because in some ways, the rest of the world was as bass-ackwards as Nazi Germany. can i just say i was literately in a genocide and holocaust class and i didnt even learn this
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Ass, Beautiful, and Butt: did you know? did-you-kno.tumblr.com During a battle in 603 BC, Chinese warrior Xiong Yiliao stepped out between the armies and started juggling 9 balls. The opposing troops were so amazed that all 500 of them turned and fled did-you-kno.tumblr.com didyouknowblog.com facebook.com/didyouknowblog idontevenhaveone: etienne-bessette: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang @admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap Ffffff-
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