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80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
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80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
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80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
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Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home. 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. . The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so l told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later andI never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver's side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him you know that sounds super suspicious right and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so l clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me 'piñata and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie c got caught torturing animals cause he finally 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually es- caped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wig- gling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lved another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play 'bloody mary in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead. 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of... locked up forever and never gon ear 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360° spin with nobody touching it, so I said 'that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing l'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no elsean Source: teaboot 205.063 notes Teaboots Adventures As That White Girl in Horror Movies
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Animals, Bones, and Church: teaboot The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it's honestly a waste that my entire life isn't constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUSS teaboot 1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had beern smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home 2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn't talk about it again. 3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized "wait it's dark as fuck" so I just held still until the guy gave up and left. 4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl's underwear a day later and I never saw him again 5. That one time in college where I was taking a short- cut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the drivers side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out 6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he'd locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so l told him "you know that sounds super suspicious right" and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead 7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then l was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn't follow me onboard 8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a wel and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until put him back outside and never saw him again. 9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me piñata' and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals 10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks 11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped 12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home 13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play bloody mary' in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said "no thanks" and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead 14. The old abandoned house I just moved into witlh the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of.. locked up forever and never go near 15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360° spin with nobody touching it, so I said that was neat' and never ate there again 16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I'd ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn't even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds teaboot Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes inm awake at night and I just. keep thinking teaboot I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say "no thanks" to everything else Source: teaboot 17,084 notes That One Time
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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. @deadcatwithaflamethrower My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic* *reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*
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Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: rmh8402: pegasusdragontiger: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. YESSSSSSS!  Love it!!
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Big Dick, Chill, and Church: ITT: Glorious Retards >be me mormonfag church boring as fuck not really that interested in going, its a cult, mostly do it for my family hate testimony week basically open mic day once a week at church people go up and are supposed to talk about how great god is or whatever, generally just talk about how great they are and what vacation they went on last literally just a big dick measuring contest new family moves into ward pretty unusual situation: single dad, downie kid. we learned way later that he accidentally got a girl pregnant, she wanted to abort downie, he said he'd raise the baby himself rather than see that happen. not sure if i agree with it, but gotta admit, that's honorable as fuck downies a good kid too, sweet as can be, not as dumb as you'd think anyway testimony week comes around, dreading it first guy goes up, starts talking about how he baptized a lot of people on his mission >am rolling my eyes in five dimensions when I heard downie roar from across the room "TEHTIMONEY WEEK IS FOHR TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" room goes quiet, guy wraps up quickly, sits down people tell actual wholesome stuff, they fear the downie. no dick measuring with him around next week similar thing happens: woman goes up to talk about how much she loves her husband, and how he took the whole family on a trip to mexico recently Downie interrupts "TEHTIMONEY! WEEK! IS! FOHR! TEHTIMONEYS! NOE!" lady sits down, normal talking goes on, im officially borderline gay for downie later talking with my edgelord apostate friends, we all talk about how downie is the best thing to happen to this ward ever we find downie and thank him for keeping it real. his dad is super touched that we all stopped by, we all make sure to thank downie for his interruptions and tell him to keep it real we thought maybe his dad would be annoyed that we were encouraging this, but his dad was chill as could be 6.5 kB JPG 33 min. ago. Anonymous | 44806137 cont next week, Downey takes it up a notclh mormon services have two or three talks a servic, all done by volunteers, but the talks can suuuuuuck worst ones are when old people/newly returned missionaries are asked to talk and they ramble for an hour and a half old lady is going on and on about growing up in the great depression. we're all about to go insane when downie stands up YOU TAHK TOO LON, OTHER SPEACHERS NEED TO TAHK TOO lady wraps up we're all in fucking awe of this god among us anytime somebody rambles, or tries to humblebrag, downie calls them out its fucking amazing >church is still a cult but its actually kind of fun now with downie there me and my edgelord friends keep an eye on him, nobody fucks with our downie we get near the end of HS when downie has a heart attack we all visit him in the hospital. we fucking love him >he survived the heart attack, but he just may not have a whole lot of time left. the sunday, the dad announces that him and his son are going to be moving out of state. wants to show his son more of the world before he dies. me and my friends go to downies house to say goodbye, tell him we're going to miss him so much, testimoney week is going to turn back to shit with him gone downie asks if he can tell us a secret we say sure, you can tell us anything "Dah tole me wat to say all those times. >mfw his dad originally used his retarded son as a way to ignore social conventions and tell people to stfu, but wound up continuing to do it for years because he knew it was helping him have friends. >mfw when im not sure if his dad is an asshole or a genius >mfw I don't even care anymore, I still think fondly of that glorious downie bastard yelling at old ladies from the back of the chapel 1 REPLY Anon goes to church
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Being Alone, Bad, and Beautiful: Tell me in the Comments is not Disgusting Incest 4 points-17 comments Next Post TELL ME MEME YOUR INCEST STORY Before you read this. Please don't judge me. I'm just sharing my story because people asked Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I'm sieep deprived so i guess Ill just write it now and regret it in the morning First of all, -just for some background My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever) actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up Reply auryn 1989 3points @auryn 1989 (part 2) Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that accidentally found a video that she made of herself I knew she didn't make it for me-but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it) Sooo ·was totally lusting after my sister at that point She was also having bad trouble with the law She was actually in custody when I left home Reply auryn 1989 3ponts 4 @auryn 1989 (part 4) My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think-but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came ot it. We spent some time apart and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. it was actualy going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stutt went down, we were out salling (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever tucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. "Sigh Reply auryn 19893pons @auryn1989 (part 5) A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised. But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him Roller coaster of emotions
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Batman, Crazy, and Instagram: "Maybe when Zack Snyder cast me that was kind of the goal. Hopefully DC can figure this all out, and in a few years I can come back and do a Flashpoint Batman! I would love it. That would be great." -Jeffrey Dean Morgan INES RASE SHOLLD Heroic.Gateway/Instagram For those unfamiliar with Flashpoint, it was a universe-changing event that began when Barry Allen a.k.a. The Flash traveled back in time to prevent his mother from being murdered when he was a child. This wound up changing the futures of just about every major DC hero, including Batman, thanks to the ripple effect of Chaos Theory. In the Dark Knight's new timeline, it wasn't Thomas and Martha Wayne who were shot and killed by a mugger in an alley, but instead the young Bruce Wayne. This event not only lead Thomas on a path to become his own version of Gotham's famous protector, but saw Martha going completely crazy and turning into The Joker. It's worth noting that Flashpoint was just adapted on the on-going third season of the Flash television series, but because there is no on-screen Batman in the DC TV continuity, we haven't seen those elements of the comics adapted yet. JeffreyDeanMorgan LaurenCohen BruceWayne MarthaWayne ThomasWayne MeRa WonderWoman Aquaman GalGadot AmberHeard JasonMomoa Flashpoint flashpointparadox geoffjohns ezramiller barryallen theflash reverseflash thomaswayne marthawayne thejoker batman dccomics dccinematicuniverse dcextendeduniverse heroic_gateway @heroic.gateway - . . . . . -Make Sure to Give this Post a LIKE and be so kindly Leave your thoughts and comments below. Make sure to turn on Accounts Post-Notification for more of our Daily Awesome DCEU posts.
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80s, Bad, and Christmas: Chris Kohler @kobunheat 18m We have ET. WE HAVE ET pic.twitter.com/fIPTXgsyoo Expand 4, Reply Retweet ★ Favorite More Chris Kohler @kobunheat-4m Close up. pic.twitter.com/inSKukib24 ATARI 75 Expand Reply Retweet FavoriteMoe lightspeedsound: videogamesarepurehappiness: maqdaddio: ask-gallows-callibrator: vergess: coelasquid: derples: raisehelia: cavebae: estpolis: mrdappersden: They did it, they fucking did it. holyfducjk HISTORY holy shit! can someone explain this to me Thirty years ago a legendary ET game came to fruition, so awful that as the tale told, all unsold copies of it were buried in a pit in New Mexico. A documentary film crew has just unearthed the stash, proving the legend true. I don’t think people fully grasp just how awful it was. This one game, by the sheer merit of its unmatched shittiness, destroyed the video game and console market so thoroughly that the at home video game nearly went the way of the 8-track player. It was literally so awful that it nearly changed the entire course of technology. how can a video game possibly be that bad People don’t really understand why it was terrible though, and the reasons why are extremely important and relevant especially today. The game itself is bad, yes. It was built up to be an exciting hit for kids to play at Christmas in 1982. So much in fact, that retailers bought WAY more stock then could every be sold based on the hype. However, people at the time liked the game. It looks bad now, but the game itself was pretty on par with the times. It wound up selling 1.5 million copies. Which would be great, except Atari was expecting to sell 4-5 million. While initial reception was positive, critics started panning the game as critics do. While it was no worse than most other games at the time, it was stil frustrating and hard to play. It could not live up to the hype that had been built and negative press built up quickly. But what was ALSO happening was a flood of cheap imitations on the market. ET is a licensed game, and like all licenses comes at a higher markup. So if you wanted to buy a game for yourself or your kid, would you buy 1 game, or 2 for the same price? Atari was also screwing around with how they handled their distributors. Just before the game went to public, but AFTER the game had been bought and shipped, Atari announced that they were cancelling every existing contract with distributors and signing with only a select few. So distributors, now pissed off and with an abundance of games that were NOT selling and with prices slashed horribly to sell games that people were quickly losing interest in, retailers put their claims to return a collective 2.5-3.5 million copies back to Atari. Atari, unable to recycle the cartridges or resell them in any way, wound up burying them in the Nevada desert. This caused the Video Game Crash of the early 80s that put a dark mark on video games until Nintendo (and in some small part other game companies) to revive later.   It was the perfect storm. An over-hyped overpriced game sold to an increasingly frustrated and over-saturated market with retailers scrambling to make a dime while Game Devs blame the market for poor sales. Some say the proverbial planets are aligning again, with way too many consoles putting way too samey games on the market at way too high a cost with a strong dependence on Pre-orders and pre-order exclusives. Wanna give the game a shot?  Internet Archives actually has a copy of it at this link: https://archive.org/details/E.T._The_Extra-Terrestrial_1982_Atari_NTSC this is like the dutch tulip bubble of our times
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Apparently, Beef, and Candy: envwadams today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said thanks" and half of me tried to say you're welcome and the other half tried to say "no problem and i ended up saying your problem this post had me in tears I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they're not, so I'll add my story for anyone else ooking for more laughs I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between "I have to pay a fine and "I have to pay a fee and I walked in and firmily stated "I have to pee and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven't been back My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say quick" and tast at the same time and l ended up screaming QUACK which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn Recently someone in class asked me how was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I'm okay in the middle and ended up saying I'm gay Which, whille kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said trick or treat and I smilled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said "Merry Christmas" and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me D) I was swtching between "Bye Deanna" and "Goodbye and I ended up saying "Go Die Sometimes I try to say "I fucking love you but t comes out in the wrong order and then everyone's When I first started my coffee shop job, I was st getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, "How are you doing? and "What's up?" i ended up demanding "what are you doing here?r something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say "im so amazed but halfway through my mind changed to "that's really amazing and i just ended up saying Tm really so amazing one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say "im so pumped for the birds and iIm so hyped for the birds" and instead i said "I'm so humped for birds Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniting me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like "hello" or good morning" or cute dog" or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying thank you' I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between "my drinkr and "my keys" and ended up screaming MY KINK I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she sald have a good day, and i wanted to say "You have a good day" and "You too so it came out "You have a good do do I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ONA CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POST This post is too good. I once tried to say have a nice day or have a good day to a customer and said Have a nude gay. Still haven't recovered. OOC: i get really used to working nights or days at my work so i'm often jumbled between "have a nice night and have a good day" so often it comes out as have a nice neigh or have a good date or occasionally even have a night die When I interviewed for my lab position I tried to ask how much I would have to handle the mice and rats but I was nervous so l actually said rice and mats" instead At DnD my friends and I were eating snacks, like you do. We had some chips and some beef jerky and some other stu Now one of my friends is a vegetarian, and he was steering clear of most of the meat products. Out of the corner of my eye I see my other pal offer him a bag of what I ASSUMED was jerky since that's what they were eating before- As I turned to stop him from eating "meat-what I started to say was "oh no but finished with "no dont INSTEADi wound up screaming "ODIN and crushing the harmless chip in my friends hand A friend who worked in retail once told me that their manager wanted them to respond to a thank you with "it's my pleasure instead of You're welcome and my friend messed it up and said You're my pleasure When I was sixteen, I was a lifeguard at the YMCA and you could shortcut through the pool to get to the basketbal court. A lot of hyped up kids would pass through and run on the slippery tile, so l'd have to tell them to stop. Once, I was about to yell, "DONT RUN," and tried to change it to "WALK at the last second but I ended up just bellowing "RUNI at a couple of preteens who did in fact, make for the door like they were in a horror movie Found this old thread with new stories in it. I hope people keep adding more.
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