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omgcheckplease: ★ Notes on Year 4, Comic 26 - Check, Please ★In the summer of 2013, I was fully mourning my completed time as an undergraduate at Yale. One of the college’s traditional songs—which they strategically have students sing during their first weeks as Yalies and then again at the moment we’re conferred our degrees—goes like this:Bright College years, with pleasure rife,The shortest, gladdest years of life;How swiftly are ye gliding by!Oh, why doth time so quickly fly?Et cetera. The first time you sing it, you mumble the words and don’t know a single person around you. The last time you sing it, wearing the mortarboard and gown, you’ve got the lyrics memorized and you’re surrounded by some of the most important people in your life.That summer, with “How bright will seem, through mem’ry’s haze/ Those happy, golden, bygone days!” still ringing in my ears, I started CHECK, PLEASE. The comic’s first panels emerged on an ancient laptop, through a borrowed bamboo tablet, and on a free drawing program called gnu-IMPShop. I had no plan. I wanted to explore my newfound fascination with hockey and share silly cartoons on Tumblr. But unconsciously, I also wanted to pour the nostalgia of those bright college years into the Haus, Faber, Samwell, and Bitty’s story. I wanted to bottle up those moments where we grow and change and fall down and pick ourselves back up. Drawing CHECK, PLEASE was how I revisited those experiences and how I sifted through the bittersweet feeling of concluding something I loved. Perhaps this is why finishing CHECK, PLEASE calls back those same emotions. Just as Bitty would bake affection into a pie, I might have encoded into CHECK, PLEASE the heartfelt fondness I had for my time in college, the love of the friends I made there, and the gratitude I have for my own growth.I have always found it easier to express gratitude face to face. And even though I would not have gotten to meet all of you, the greatest downside of being unable to participate in a book tour is that I can’t say thanks in person. I could write a thousand words, yet they couldn’t replace a high five at a bookstore signing or a handshake at a convention. I could write the blog post to end all blog posts, but it’s not the same as yelling with you about an episode or chatting about a fandom we both happen be in. For me, it’s those moments that somehow equate to my abundant appreciation for you, the reader.I look forward to the day when I can let my actions speak louder than my words!In the meantime: thank you. I am incredibly blessed to get to create a story and then share it. This is all I want to do in life. These characters get to have a readership overflowing with love and enthusiasm for them. This comic, somehow, has found ambassadors. This story gets to be told. Thank you! I’m excited to share with you the unusual, fun, and hopeful narratives I’m working hard to develop.So with that, I’ll sign off on the last blog post! Thank you for reading this comic. Thank you for sharing it with friends. Thank you for caring about Bitty’s story and CHECK, PLEASE.Thank you!John J. Johnson.Just kidding, it’s Ngozi. :^) Tee hee. Bye now!: omgcheckplease: ★ Notes on Year 4, Comic 26 - Check, Please ★In the summer of 2013, I was fully mourning my completed time as an undergraduate at Yale. One of the college’s traditional songs—which they strategically have students sing during their first weeks as Yalies and then again at the moment we’re conferred our degrees—goes like this:Bright College years, with pleasure rife,The shortest, gladdest years of life;How swiftly are ye gliding by!Oh, why doth time so quickly fly?Et cetera. The first time you sing it, you mumble the words and don’t know a single person around you. The last time you sing it, wearing the mortarboard and gown, you’ve got the lyrics memorized and you’re surrounded by some of the most important people in your life.That summer, with “How bright will seem, through mem’ry’s haze/ Those happy, golden, bygone days!” still ringing in my ears, I started CHECK, PLEASE. The comic’s first panels emerged on an ancient laptop, through a borrowed bamboo tablet, and on a free drawing program called gnu-IMPShop. I had no plan. I wanted to explore my newfound fascination with hockey and share silly cartoons on Tumblr. But unconsciously, I also wanted to pour the nostalgia of those bright college years into the Haus, Faber, Samwell, and Bitty’s story. I wanted to bottle up those moments where we grow and change and fall down and pick ourselves back up. Drawing CHECK, PLEASE was how I revisited those experiences and how I sifted through the bittersweet feeling of concluding something I loved. Perhaps this is why finishing CHECK, PLEASE calls back those same emotions. Just as Bitty would bake affection into a pie, I might have encoded into CHECK, PLEASE the heartfelt fondness I had for my time in college, the love of the friends I made there, and the gratitude I have for my own growth.I have always found it easier to express gratitude face to face. And even though I would not have gotten to meet all of you, the greatest downside of being unable to participate in a book tour is that I can’t say thanks in person. I could write a thousand words, yet they couldn’t replace a high five at a bookstore signing or a handshake at a convention. I could write the blog post to end all blog posts, but it’s not the same as yelling with you about an episode or chatting about a fandom we both happen be in. For me, it’s those moments that somehow equate to my abundant appreciation for you, the reader.I look forward to the day when I can let my actions speak louder than my words!In the meantime: thank you. I am incredibly blessed to get to create a story and then share it. This is all I want to do in life. These characters get to have a readership overflowing with love and enthusiasm for them. This comic, somehow, has found ambassadors. This story gets to be told. Thank you! I’m excited to share with you the unusual, fun, and hopeful narratives I’m working hard to develop.So with that, I’ll sign off on the last blog post! Thank you for reading this comic. Thank you for sharing it with friends. Thank you for caring about Bitty’s story and CHECK, PLEASE.Thank you!John J. Johnson.Just kidding, it’s Ngozi. :^) Tee hee. Bye now!

omgcheckplease: ★ Notes on Year 4, Comic 26 - Check, Please ★In the summer of 2013, I was fully mourning my completed time as an undergr...

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straightouttanarnia: aproposthessaly: pearlsthatwereeyes: mihrsuri: star-anise: goshawke: hannibal-and-dory: pinkrocksugar: adramofpoison: children aren’t dumb. we knew that trophies meant nothing when everyone in the fucking class got one Also who was giving out those fucking trophies? SPOILER ALERT IT WASN’T US. IT WAS YOU. Who the fuck got trophies?? I got a piece of paper saying Participation on it with a cheap-ass shiny sticker in the corner! Sometimes they were ribbons. Sometimes they were just the gnawing awareness that you could never trust any praise an adult gave you. ^^^^ When I was in 7th grade, the administration at my middle school decided to make a bunch of changes to pep rallies, including changing the spirit award to the grade that showed the most school spirit to three spirit awards SO THAT EACH GRADE COULD HAVE ONE. We decided in about 2.5 seconds that this was fucking stupid and that it was pointless to have a school-wide spirit contest IF NO ONE WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO WIN. Our entire grade organized ourselves and boycotted the pep rally in protest. We still went to the pep rally, but the entire 7th grade sat quietly in the bleachers and refused to cheer or otherwise participate. AND IT INFURIATED THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION. INFURIATED THEM. They ended up giving one spirit award to the 8th grade and two spirit awards to the 6th grade. At which point, our entire grade stood up and cheered, and the principal screamed into her microphone that we needed to sit down and stop cheering. Because we hadn’t broken any school rules, the administration realized they couldn’t punish us, and they changed back to one spirit award and got rid of the other unpopular pep rally changes. But they never forgave us. The principal saved up all of her anger for a year and a half and then called a special “promotion ceremony rehearsal” for our grade right before we graduated from middle school specifically so that she could spend an hour yelling at us about how THIS WAS NOT FOR US, THIS WAS FOR OUR PARENTS AND OUR TEACHERS AND THE ADMINISTRATION AND THE SCHOOL, AND IF WE FUCKED THE CEREMONY UP IN ANY WAY, SO HELP HER, SHE WOULD MAKE OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL.  So, yeah, tell me again about how my generation expects trophies for participating. I dare you. Someone somewhere has a great post about how all Millennials learned from this “everybody gets a trophy” culture foisted on us was to distrust conventional feedback methods (if everybody gets one, the system must be wrong and someone who tells me I’m good at something is probably lying). So the fact that we’re a generation filled with insecure overachievers with a well-documented lack of interest in conventional life markers is partly due to all those stupid participation trophies. Ruined a perfectly good kid that’s what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety : 21 hrs Dear People Older Than Me: Shut up about the fucking participation trophies. We didn't ask for them. We didn't want them. We didn't cherish them and polish them while thinking about what special, gifted children we are. They were annoying clutter on our shelves that we had to throw out in secret so we wouldn't hurt YOUR feelings. And if we knew back then that you were gonna bring it up every time you disagreed with someone under 40 for the rest of fucking time, we would have told you where to shove that cheap plastic statue. Sincerely, People Younger Than Me Like -Comment →Share nt ◆ Share 214 133 shares 23 Comments straightouttanarnia: aproposthessaly: pearlsthatwereeyes: mihrsuri: star-anise: goshawke: hannibal-and-dory: pinkrocksugar: adramofpoison: children aren’t dumb. we knew that trophies meant nothing when everyone in the fucking class got one Also who was giving out those fucking trophies? SPOILER ALERT IT WASN’T US. IT WAS YOU. Who the fuck got trophies?? I got a piece of paper saying Participation on it with a cheap-ass shiny sticker in the corner! Sometimes they were ribbons. Sometimes they were just the gnawing awareness that you could never trust any praise an adult gave you. ^^^^ When I was in 7th grade, the administration at my middle school decided to make a bunch of changes to pep rallies, including changing the spirit award to the grade that showed the most school spirit to three spirit awards SO THAT EACH GRADE COULD HAVE ONE. We decided in about 2.5 seconds that this was fucking stupid and that it was pointless to have a school-wide spirit contest IF NO ONE WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO WIN. Our entire grade organized ourselves and boycotted the pep rally in protest. We still went to the pep rally, but the entire 7th grade sat quietly in the bleachers and refused to cheer or otherwise participate. AND IT INFURIATED THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION. INFURIATED THEM. They ended up giving one spirit award to the 8th grade and two spirit awards to the 6th grade. At which point, our entire grade stood up and cheered, and the principal screamed into her microphone that we needed to sit down and stop cheering. Because we hadn’t broken any school rules, the administration realized they couldn’t punish us, and they changed back to one spirit award and got rid of the other unpopular pep rally changes. But they never forgave us. The principal saved up all of her anger for a year and a half and then called a special “promotion ceremony rehearsal” for our grade right before we graduated from middle school specifically so that she could spend an hour yelling at us about how THIS WAS NOT FOR US, THIS WAS FOR OUR PARENTS AND OUR TEACHERS AND THE ADMINISTRATION AND THE SCHOOL, AND IF WE FUCKED THE CEREMONY UP IN ANY WAY, SO HELP HER, SHE WOULD MAKE OUR LIVES A LIVING HELL.  So, yeah, tell me again about how my generation expects trophies for participating. I dare you. Someone somewhere has a great post about how all Millennials learned from this “everybody gets a trophy” culture foisted on us was to distrust conventional feedback methods (if everybody gets one, the system must be wrong and someone who tells me I’m good at something is probably lying). So the fact that we’re a generation filled with insecure overachievers with a well-documented lack of interest in conventional life markers is partly due to all those stupid participation trophies. Ruined a perfectly good kid that’s what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety
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novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Copyrighted Material ALLIGATORS How To WRESTLE FREE FROM AN ALLIGATOR If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put downward pressure on its neck. This will force its head and jaws down. 2 Cover the alligator's eyes. This will usually make it more sedate. 5 feet 10 fet 15 feet 20 feet 3 Go for the eyes and nose. If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist. 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout. Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly. They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and back off. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator. How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT NEAR AN ALLIGATOR If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual actions cause severe tissue damage. Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does not begin shaking. Determine the size of the alligator. Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet should be considered deadly. cut or bruise, to treat infection. Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator. Try to determine if the alligator sees the object. Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food. 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water. If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water. Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby water 5 Make a loud noise. To get an alligator to release sometbing it bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not move, however, you will have gained its attention. 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover the object. The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its An alligator more than nine feet long is likely to be male, and males tend to be more aggressive. space. Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory. After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties, run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult human. will travel Who Has the Most Bite? ANIMAL NUMBER OF TEETH WARNING! whale Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the sharpest teeth in the world) You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water. The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch. Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any youngster lion 30: four canine, four carnassial, the rest conical human being 32 sloth bear 40 bear 42, including four canines and 12 incisors Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack without provocation. saltwater crocodile 68 to 70 alligator 80 to 88 giant armadillo up to 100 gavial (fish-eating crocodile) 102 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws Approach the alligator from behind. longspouted spinner up to 252 dolphin 2 Straddle the creature's back Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the alligator. up to 3,000 in five rows (the scariest mouth) great white shark 3 Crawl your way up to the head. 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike structures called radulae) snail Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth. Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape over the eyes of the beast. GClamp the jaws. Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin- gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth. Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the mouth is tightly closed use to open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to hold the mouth shut with bare hands. Z Take out your binding material. Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand, grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your teeth Wrap the tape six times around the snout Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s nout. WARNING! Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material that can be fied and knotted. Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open. Copyrighted Material seat igte 21 novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

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novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Copyrighted Material ALLIGATORS How To WRESTLE FREE FROM AN ALLIGATOR If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put downward pressure on its neck. This will force its head and jaws down. 2 Cover the alligator's eyes. This will usually make it more sedate. 5 feet 10 fet 15 feet 20 feet 3 Go for the eyes and nose. If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist. 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout. Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly. They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and back off. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator. How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT NEAR AN ALLIGATOR If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual actions cause severe tissue damage. Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does not begin shaking. Determine the size of the alligator. Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet should be considered deadly. cut or bruise, to treat infection. Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator. Try to determine if the alligator sees the object. Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food. 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water. If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water. Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby water 5 Make a loud noise. To get an alligator to release sometbing it bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not move, however, you will have gained its attention. 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover the object. The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its An alligator more than nine feet long is likely to be male, and males tend to be more aggressive. space. Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory. After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties, run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult human. will travel Who Has the Most Bite? ANIMAL NUMBER OF TEETH WARNING! whale Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the sharpest teeth in the world) You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water. The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch. Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any youngster lion 30: four canine, four carnassial, the rest conical human being 32 sloth bear 40 bear 42, including four canines and 12 incisors Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack without provocation. saltwater crocodile 68 to 70 alligator 80 to 88 giant armadillo up to 100 gavial (fish-eating crocodile) 102 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws Approach the alligator from behind. longspouted spinner up to 252 dolphin 2 Straddle the creature's back Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the alligator. up to 3,000 in five rows (the scariest mouth) great white shark 3 Crawl your way up to the head. 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike structures called radulae) snail Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth. Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape over the eyes of the beast. GClamp the jaws. Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin- gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth. Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the mouth is tightly closed use to open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to hold the mouth shut with bare hands. Z Take out your binding material. Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand, grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your teeth Wrap the tape six times around the snout Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s nout. WARNING! Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material that can be fied and knotted. Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open. Copyrighted Material seat igte 21 novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

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novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Copyrighted Material ALLIGATORS How To WRESTLE FREE FROM AN ALLIGATOR If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put downward pressure on its neck. This will force its head and jaws down. 2 Cover the alligator's eyes. This will usually make it more sedate. 5 feet 10 fet 15 feet 20 feet 3 Go for the eyes and nose. If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist. 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout. Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly. They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and back off. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator. How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT NEAR AN ALLIGATOR If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual actions cause severe tissue damage. Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does not begin shaking. Determine the size of the alligator. Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet should be considered deadly. cut or bruise, to treat infection. Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator. Try to determine if the alligator sees the object. Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food. 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water. If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water. Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby water 5 Make a loud noise. To get an alligator to release sometbing it bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not move, however, you will have gained its attention. 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover the object. The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its An alligator more than nine feet long is likely to be male, and males tend to be more aggressive. space. Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory. After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties, run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult human. will travel Who Has the Most Bite? ANIMAL NUMBER OF TEETH WARNING! whale Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the sharpest teeth in the world) You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water. The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch. Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any youngster lion 30: four canine, four carnassial, the rest conical human being 32 sloth bear 40 bear 42, including four canines and 12 incisors Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack without provocation. saltwater crocodile 68 to 70 alligator 80 to 88 giant armadillo up to 100 gavial (fish-eating crocodile) 102 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws Approach the alligator from behind. longspouted spinner up to 252 dolphin 2 Straddle the creature's back Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the alligator. up to 3,000 in five rows (the scariest mouth) great white shark 3 Crawl your way up to the head. 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike structures called radulae) snail Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth. Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape over the eyes of the beast. GClamp the jaws. Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin- gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth. Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the mouth is tightly closed use to open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to hold the mouth shut with bare hands. Z Take out your binding material. Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand, grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your teeth Wrap the tape six times around the snout Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s nout. WARNING! Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material that can be fied and knotted. Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open. Copyrighted Material seat igte 21 novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

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novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Copyrighted Material ALLIGATORS How To WRESTLE FREE FROM AN ALLIGATOR If you are on land, get on the alligator's back and put downward pressure on its neck. This will force its head and jaws down. 2 Cover the alligator's eyes. This will usually make it more sedate. 5 feet 10 fet 15 feet 20 feet 3 Go for the eyes and nose. If you are attacked, use any weapon you have, or your fist. 4If its jaws are closed on something you want to remove (a limb), tap or punch it on the snout. Alligators often open their mouth when tapped lightly. They may drop whatever it is they have taken hold of and back off. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of the alligator. How To RETRIEVE AN OBJECT NEAR AN ALLIGATOR If the alligator gets you in its jaws, you must prevent it from shaking you or from rolling over-these instinctual actions cause severe tissue damage. Try to keep the mouth clamped shut so the alligator does not begin shaking. Determine the size of the alligator. Although even small alligators can cause injury, those less than four feet long are not as dangerous to humans. If the alligator is larger than six feet, be especially wary, as a bite 6 Seek medical attention immediately, even for a small can inflict major damage. Alligators larger than nine feet should be considered deadly. cut or bruise, to treat infection. Alligators have a huge number of pathogens in their mouths 2 Calculate the distance from the alligator to the object. The immediate danger zone is within 15 feet of an alligator. Try to determine if the alligator sees the object. Alligators are attracted to objects that appear to be food. 4 Do not stand between the alligator and water. If disturbed, an alligator on land will seek refuge in water. Make sure the alligator is between you and any nearby water 5 Make a loud noise. To get an alligator to release sometbing it bas in its mouth, tap it on the snout Alligators are sensitive to loud noises. Yelling or screar ing may cause the animal to leave. If the alligator does not move, however, you will have gained its attention. 6Use a long branch, pole, or golf ball retriever to recover the object. The alligator may lunge and bite at objects that invade its An alligator more than nine feet long is likely to be male, and males tend to be more aggressive. space. Z Quickly move away from the alligator's territory. After retrieving the object, or if you encounter difficulties, run. While alligators can move fast-they rely on surprise Bill Finger, professional alligator breeder when attacking their usual prey-they generalfrichted,Material only short distances and probably cannot outrun an adult human. will travel Who Has the Most Bite? ANIMAL NUMBER OF TEETH WARNING! whale Alligators are native only to the United States and China. They are commonly found in the southwestern United Sates, primarily the Gulf Coast states buft as far north as North Carolina red-bellied piranha 20, in two rows of 10 (the sharpest teeth in the world) You are most likely to be attocked in or at the edge of water. The top speed of large alligators is around 10 miles per hour Be especially wary during spring months, when alligators wander in search of mates, and during late summer, when eggs hatch. Mother alligators will respond aggressively to threats to their young, and any adult alligator may come to the aid of any youngster lion 30: four canine, four carnassial, the rest conical human being 32 sloth bear 40 bear 42, including four canines and 12 incisors Do not assume any alligator is safe to approach. While some animals may be habituated to the presence of humans, alligators are wld animals and therefore unpredictable: they may attack without provocation. saltwater crocodile 68 to 70 alligator 80 to 88 giant armadillo up to 100 gavial (fish-eating crocodile) 102 How To BIND AN ALLIGATOR'S JAWws Approach the alligator from behind. longspouted spinner up to 252 dolphin 2 Straddle the creature's back Wrap your knees firmly around the midsection of the alligator. up to 3,000 in five rows (the scariest mouth) great white shark 3 Crawl your way up to the head. 10,000 to 30,000 (toothlike structures called radulae) snail Cover the alligator's eyes with a cloth. Use a thick piece of fabric or your own clothing to drape over the eyes of the beast. GClamp the jaws. Press down with your thumbs on the top and hold your fin- gers tightly underneath. The muscles that alligators 5 Push the alligator's snout down to close its mouth. Lean forward and press firmly down on the snout until the mouth is tightly closed use to open their jaws are actually quite weak, so it is possible to hold the mouth shut with bare hands. Z Take out your binding material. Maintaining your grip on the gator's snout with one hand, grab your duct tape and tug free a two-foot strip with your teeth Wrap the tape six times around the snout Wind the tape six times around the alligator's s nout. WARNING! Lacking duct tape, you should bind the jaws of an aligator with rope, belt hick cloth (heavy shirt or pants), or any other material that can be fied and knotted. Never approach an alligatar head-on when its mouth is open. Copyrighted Material seat igte 21 novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Ultimate Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

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