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So Iโ€™m at a holiday party right. Next to me is a woman 43 years old fam she didnโ€™t look older than 25. Drop dead gorgeous. And hereโ€™s this cosmetic surgeon saying he finnta do a procedure that eliminate these tiny a$$ wrinkles under he eyes and she was being polite but really wasnโ€™t interested and bro I wanted to clock this ugly hair implant MF ๐Ÿ˜‚. Like how u gon tell a woman at a party u gon upgrade her! Fam! She already a dime! Heck u gon upgrade?! Another lil homegirl of mine she just plain Barbie - put her lil a$$ in a pair of shorts and a corvette with Ken with the PP missin and bam, Barbie. She go to a โ€˜cosmetic dentistโ€™ this MF said she has buck teeth. Lemme tell u...this cosmetic industry satanic ๐Ÿ˜‚. They really lying to u women. Will a barber ever say u DONT need a haircut? Nah - or else he gon go broke! Same. These dudes gon make u feel like something wrong when u already perfect! โ€œIโ€™ll fix those stretch marksโ€ OVER MY DEAD BODY Dr. FESSENJAN PULL A SCALPEL AND IMMA STAB U WITH IT. DONT BODY YA SELF ๐Ÿ˜‚. โ€œSmash we know u lying about the body positive thing to attract thick womenโ€ WELL BISH GIVE ME A PP DETECTOR TEST. Put some grey sweatpants on me. Turn around. Pull ya yoga pants down below them cheeks, show me them skretch marks. If I ainโ€™t pitching a full tent, stab me ๐Ÿ˜‚. โ€œwow - youโ€™re really making all the women who had surgery feel bad, we knew u were a Sh!thead.โ€ Well hang on now. If YOU want it, YOU get it! I support that! U wanna get your nose shaped - do you! A$$ shots - do u! BA - do u! BUT DONT LET THE COSMETIC INDUSTRY GUIDE U. THEY GON LIE TO U AND MAKE U FIX SOMETHING THAT DONT NEED FIXING. THEY NEED TO - OR ELSE THEY GON GO OUT OF BUSINESS. LOVE YOURSELF (like I love you ๐Ÿ˜Š). IF U WANNA DO SOMETHING FOR U THEN DO IT BUT DONT LET NOBODY WITH A PP TALK U INTO SOME SH!T LMAO BLESS UP ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚: This is how she looks every time we're cooking and not giving her anything So Iโ€™m at a holiday party right. Next to me is a woman 43 years old fam she didnโ€™t look older than 25. Drop dead gorgeous. And hereโ€™s this cosmetic surgeon saying he finnta do a procedure that eliminate these tiny a$$ wrinkles under he eyes and she was being polite but really wasnโ€™t interested and bro I wanted to clock this ugly hair implant MF ๐Ÿ˜‚. Like how u gon tell a woman at a party u gon upgrade her! Fam! She already a dime! Heck u gon upgrade?! Another lil homegirl of mine she just plain Barbie - put her lil a$$ in a pair of shorts and a corvette with Ken with the PP missin and bam, Barbie. She go to a โ€˜cosmetic dentistโ€™ this MF said she has buck teeth. Lemme tell u...this cosmetic industry satanic ๐Ÿ˜‚. They really lying to u women. Will a barber ever say u DONT need a haircut? Nah - or else he gon go broke! Same. These dudes gon make u feel like something wrong when u already perfect! โ€œIโ€™ll fix those stretch marksโ€ OVER MY DEAD BODY Dr. FESSENJAN PULL A SCALPEL AND IMMA STAB U WITH IT. DONT BODY YA SELF ๐Ÿ˜‚. โ€œSmash we know u lying about the body positive thing to attract thick womenโ€ WELL BISH GIVE ME A PP DETECTOR TEST. Put some grey sweatpants on me. Turn around. Pull ya yoga pants down below them cheeks, show me them skretch marks. If I ainโ€™t pitching a full tent, stab me ๐Ÿ˜‚. โ€œwow - youโ€™re really making all the women who had surgery feel bad, we knew u were a Sh!thead.โ€ Well hang on now. If YOU want it, YOU get it! I support that! U wanna get your nose shaped - do you! A$$ shots - do u! BA - do u! BUT DONT LET THE COSMETIC INDUSTRY GUIDE U. THEY GON LIE TO U AND MAKE U FIX SOMETHING THAT DONT NEED FIXING. THEY NEED TO - OR ELSE THEY GON GO OUT OF BUSINESS. LOVE YOURSELF (like I love you ๐Ÿ˜Š). IF U WANNA DO SOMETHING FOR U THEN DO IT BUT DONT LET NOBODY WITH A PP TALK U INTO SOME SH!T LMAO BLESS UP ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated ๐Ÿคค. See me in the lobby Iโ€™m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like โ€œOMG smash I stink LOL!! Iโ€™ll take the next one!โ€ No the eff u wonโ€™t ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜‚. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผ Christmas in March. ๐ŸŽ„ U feel me? โ€œDonโ€™t be silly lol! All aboard ๐Ÿ˜.โ€ I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big ๐Ÿ‘Œ pip squeak cough ... โ€œdamn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE ๐Ÿ˜คโ€ (c) Key and Peele ๐Ÿ˜‚. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’ฆ . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didnโ€™t. U didnโ€™t for all of us - witcha nastass ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins ๐Ÿ˜. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM ๐Ÿ˜‚. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chรจรฉks vigorously on mine Peepington and Iโ€™m like โ€œwha?โ€ And she said in that deep, satanic Iโ€™m-bout-to-buss voice โ€œDONNNNT STOPPPP ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿ‘น๐Ÿ‘บโ€ and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stรญnk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stรญnk. U an me baby ainโ€™t nothing but mammals. So letโ€™s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚: Picked up this little girl today. I never knew something so cute could have such horrendous farts @DrSmashlove Reddit u/thecasquatch Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated ๐Ÿคค. See me in the lobby Iโ€™m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like โ€œOMG smash I stink LOL!! Iโ€™ll take the next one!โ€ No the eff u wonโ€™t ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜‚. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผ Christmas in March. ๐ŸŽ„ U feel me? โ€œDonโ€™t be silly lol! All aboard ๐Ÿ˜.โ€ I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big ๐Ÿ‘Œ pip squeak cough ... โ€œdamn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE ๐Ÿ˜คโ€ (c) Key and Peele ๐Ÿ˜‚. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’ฆ . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didnโ€™t. U didnโ€™t for all of us - witcha nastass ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins ๐Ÿ˜. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM ๐Ÿ˜‚. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chรจรฉks vigorously on mine Peepington and Iโ€™m like โ€œwha?โ€ And she said in that deep, satanic Iโ€™m-bout-to-buss voice โ€œDONNNNT STOPPPP ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿ‘น๐Ÿ‘บโ€ and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stรญnk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stรญnk. U an me baby ainโ€™t nothing but mammals. So letโ€™s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet ha...

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So I just copped a stick of Tomโ€™s โ€œNorth Woodsโ€ natural deodorant bc they finally released a deodorant thatโ€™s also an anti-perspirant and for me thatโ€™s a must because I work out daily and I canโ€™t have the cute MILFโ€™s and instagram girls who wear a baseball cap and yoga pants and make they man photograph them at the gym thinking smash doesnโ€™t bathe ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜‚. Anyway imma keep it 600 - this is nice! It kinda smell like old school Speed Stick - the joint all the gym teachers would wear. I low key feel like a sexy gym teacher RN. Walking around school in tight sweatpants with the PP print on display and a polo tucked in with the drawstring hanging by the print and a college cap that say โ€œILLINIโ€ and a whistle on my neck and the Nike Monarchs or as I call them the โ€œFather Who Was Present In His Childrenโ€™s Lives 11sโ€ just smiling and winking at the Kindygarten teachers like โ€œHey Suzan. Hey Karen. Howdy Janet. Good MOHNIN Julia โ˜บ๏ธ. Stevie always good to see you - DROP AND GIMME 20! Lmao jk wyd tho. Oh hi Martha ๐Ÿ˜‰. Are those new reading glasses? I like them ๐Ÿ˜.โ€ Thatโ€™s me today at work feeling like a spicy gym teacher. Matter fact thatโ€™s my 2018 schmood until further notice. Spicy gym teacher af. Strutting around school giving hi fives for no reason, overseeing floor hockey matches. โ€œGIMME A PULL UP!!โ€ LMAO Iโ€™m stupid bless up ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚: My pregnant wife has been practicing her swaddling technique on the dog. Reddit u/ohaivoltage @DrSmashlove So I just copped a stick of Tomโ€™s โ€œNorth Woodsโ€ natural deodorant bc they finally released a deodorant thatโ€™s also an anti-perspirant and for me thatโ€™s a must because I work out daily and I canโ€™t have the cute MILFโ€™s and instagram girls who wear a baseball cap and yoga pants and make they man photograph them at the gym thinking smash doesnโ€™t bathe ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜‚. Anyway imma keep it 600 - this is nice! It kinda smell like old school Speed Stick - the joint all the gym teachers would wear. I low key feel like a sexy gym teacher RN. Walking around school in tight sweatpants with the PP print on display and a polo tucked in with the drawstring hanging by the print and a college cap that say โ€œILLINIโ€ and a whistle on my neck and the Nike Monarchs or as I call them the โ€œFather Who Was Present In His Childrenโ€™s Lives 11sโ€ just smiling and winking at the Kindygarten teachers like โ€œHey Suzan. Hey Karen. Howdy Janet. Good MOHNIN Julia โ˜บ๏ธ. Stevie always good to see you - DROP AND GIMME 20! Lmao jk wyd tho. Oh hi Martha ๐Ÿ˜‰. Are those new reading glasses? I like them ๐Ÿ˜.โ€ Thatโ€™s me today at work feeling like a spicy gym teacher. Matter fact thatโ€™s my 2018 schmood until further notice. Spicy gym teacher af. Strutting around school giving hi fives for no reason, overseeing floor hockey matches. โ€œGIMME A PULL UP!!โ€ LMAO Iโ€™m stupid bless up ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

So I just copped a stick of Tomโ€™s โ€œNorth Woodsโ€ natural deodorant bc they finally released a deodorant thatโ€™s also an anti-perspirant and...

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Sweatpants and cargo shorts: RI .d 66% . 9:36 PM Haley The last line in your profile very much suggests you have met up with someone from Tinder appropriate date attire You would be correct in making such an assumption. Sweat suit to be more accurate lol Today 12:58 AM Gonna need to hear this story Short of first date at the gym I'm not seeing anyway that could even possibly be seen as Right? Let's just say we didn't even hang out for an hour haha great on paper, not so much in real life We went to left 45 mins later. He actually ended up being quite the asshole too. Todey 11:37 AM I just don't understand how are the way to go when meeting trying to get in bed with, or at least not entirely disgust. I mean, the year 2017, very clearly yoga pants are the first date Today 12:47 PM I mean I don't expect a suit & tie but.... Come on haha. Needless to say we didn't talk after that lol. Yet again another tinder nightmare Another? Any other good stories? ShouldI get popcorn? Today 2:00 PM Nah nothing that exciting. have yet to meet someone that's worth continuing talking to though. Had a guy ask me to drop him off at home afterwards & as I drove away another girl got out of another car no hope in men out there these days lol Whoa now, some of my best Well that's nice of you to say hahe I heve yet to meet someone that excites me Oh? What would excite you? I'mm guessing a guy in a nice pair of Come onnnn. Is that your fav Not necessarily physically excite me, but intellectually this app is alot based on looks so whoever you match has to physically excite you at least a little bit Hm, so if I give a deep, philo- sophical defense of the ever humble cargo pants as a utilit- arlan rebellion by the proletariat against modern consumerism, and as a statement of individual ity in the fece of mass media de- s of normality, how rapidly are we moving towards or away y is on away at speeds for the record It dewns on me after typing that out my flirting techiques probably need some work Hahaha I had to read that a couple times. Ive been out of the game a long time so Ireally only know how to make jokes instead of being awkward haha so, more the better & no judgment on the cargo pants. The only thing that isn't acceptable is sweats haha in public anyways Oh of course, sweats in public is ethically and morally And good to know, I'll try to keop the jokes rolling and try to about how tinder is supposed to work to a minimum Today S10O PM Haha well at least we're in the same boat. Life's too short to be serious all the time! I mean when needed of course How has your day been? Pretty good! Had a silly conversation with a cute girl about sweatpants. She seems pretty chill, probably try to grab her number in a bit. I'll keep you posted on that. You? Haha talked about cargo pants with this cutie, whichI hadn't heard the word cargo in a while... & I gave him my number cause he seems like a pretty sweet dudebromanguy Sweatpants and cargo shorts
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