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Ass, Bitch, and Boner: This is a motherfucking website. Seriously, what the fuck else do you want? You probably build websites and think your sh is special. You think your 13 megabyte parallax-ative home page is going to get you some fucking Awwward banner you can glue to the top corner of your site. You think your 40-pound jQuery file and 83 polyfills give IE7 a boner because it finally has box-shadow. Wrong, mothfucker Let me describe your perfect-ass website . Shit's lightweight and loads fast Fits on all your shitty screens . Looks the same in ll your shitty browsers .The motherfucker's accessible to every asshole that visits your site . Shit's legible and gets your fucking point across (if you had one instead of just 5mb pics of hipsters drinking coffee) Well guess what, motherfucker: You. Are. Over-designing. Look at this shit. It's a motherfucking website. Why the fuck do you need to animate a fucking trendy-ass banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of shit? You spent hours on it and added S0 kilobytes to your fucking site, and some motherfucker jabbing at it on their iPad with fat sausage fingers will never see that shit. Not to mention blind people will never see that shit, but they don't see any of your You never knew it, but ths is your perfect website. Here's why It's fucking lightweight This entire page weighs less than the gradient-meshed facebook logo on your fucking Wordpress site. Did you seriously load 100kb of jQuery UI just so you could animate the fucking background color of a div? You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a shitty webfont just so you could say "Hi." at 100px height at the beginning of your site? You piece of shit Phone: (333) 425- 5253 Fax: (333) 888 3424 Email: john(at)university(dot)edu It's responsive You dumbass. You thought you needed media queries to be responsive, but no. Responsive means that it responds to whatever motherfucking screensize it's viewed on This site doesn't care if youre on an iMac or a motherftucking Tamagotchi. . Office: Generic Hall. 415 It fucking works ul Look at tis sh You can read i so you and your bitch-ass brows M. N. Shamalayan Publications M. N. Shamalayan. "Combining Neural Networks With Natural Language tag icoutent on the fucking ser Fall 1995 Processing to Optiize te Iter Problem (ICSE-1998) tiplication Problem ICSE-2000) Machine to Solve the Ice-Cream Optiization Probl ICSE-2002) CS101: How to literally use for-loops M. N. Shamalayan Using Unguided Prim Trees to Solve the Matrix Mul M. N. Shamalayan Using Large Dataset Combined with Support Vector . CSSS9: You will seriously get rekt by this course dont take it Last edited: Sep. 29, 2016 Comp sci professor website starter pack